As a child, when I went shopping with my mother, I would sometimes get distracted and walk away from the cart. To teach me a lesson, she would often keep walking ahead of me, or intentionally hide behind a display so I couldn't find her. She would make me become lost.
A few days ago I was in a large bookstore with my wife and my little girl. They were looking at books in the area in front of the restrooms, and I decided to use the restroom. I came out, expecting to find them there, and they were gone. I had a flashback of when my mother would make me wander around the store lost and crying. I went into one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had.
The rational part of my brain was saying, "Relax, they're in the children's section", while the panicky side of my brain was saying, "They've left me and they're never coming back." I was ticking, almost in tears, and grabbing my chest when I finally found my wife.
I don't want to go into too much detail, but things have been really tough financially. When I went on disability last year, I made the mistake of not immediately adjusting our expenses (rent, cable, 2 cars) when my income decreased. We fooled ourselves into thinking that we would be able to keep living the same lifestyle we were living while making 40% less than we were. I don't know what we were thinking. By the time we realized we needed to make some adjustments, we were so far behind that we couldn't catch up.
Last week, I was able to reach out to a childhood role model of mine. He gave me some much needed advice. I'm back on my feet. I know you're not reading this, but thank you.
We were running some errands yesterday and pulled up to a red light. On the corner was an older woman begging for money to pay for a family member's funeral. I gave her the only dollar I had in my pocket. Beside me, a minivan pulled up and stalled. The lady in the driver's seat tried probably 20 times to start it, but couldn't. She just sat there, crying. Then it hit me.
We're doing OK.
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