After 31 Years, R.E.M. Call It A Day

It is a sad day that was inevitable, I guess.

In a statement issued on the band's website, singer Michael Stipe said:

"A wise man once said--'the skill in attending a party is knowing when it's time to leave.' We built something extraordinary together. We did this thing. And now we're going to walk away from it. 

"I hope our fans realize this wasn't an easy decision; but all things must end, and we wanted to do it right, to do it our way. 

"We have to thank all the people who helped us be R.E.M. for these 31 years; our deepest gratitude to those who allowed us to do this. It's been amazing." 

My favorite memory of R.E.M. was in January of 1993.  MTV was producing a concert celebrating the inauguration of Bill Clinton, and a band called Automatic Baby took the stage.  It was Michael Stipe and Mike Mills of R.E.M., along with Larry Mullen Jr. and Adam Clayton of U2.  At the time each band had an album out.  R.E.M. with 'Automatic for the People', and U2 with 'Achtung Baby'. (Get it? Automatic Baby?)  They performed an acoustic rendition of 'One' that, to this day, is easily the best version of the song I have ever heard.




They told us that "It gets better", 18 years before It Gets Better:



R.E.M. will leave a legacy as one of the most prolific and influential American bands of the 20th century.    It's hard not to turn on the radio today and hear a little bit of their songwriting style permeate it's way through modern music.  From contemporary country to Radiohead, R.E.M.'s style has become commonplace to the world.  It's unavoidable.  From Nirvana to The White Stripes, R.E.M. has set the model as the American rock band.  They will be missed.

Video: Rise Against - 'Make It Stop' (September's Children)

September 2010 was a horrific month for LGBT youth.  It seemed like every day, there was a report of another gay teen that had committed suicide to escape the bullying from other kids at school.  A year later, the names of some of these young men still are fresh in are memory - Seth Walsh, Tyler Clementi, Billy Lucas and Asher Brown.

With the advent of It Gets Better, hopefully some lives have been saved.  I would like to think the large number of pop songs on the market has helped to bring a positive message to those feeling desperate and at their lowest point.  P!nk released 'Fuckin' Perfect'.  Katy Perry came out with 'Firework'.  And, of course, you can't forget Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way'.

Support also came from the rock industry.  Rise Against, who are activists in their own right, recently released 'Make It Stop'.  In my opinion, it has much more substance than any of the other songs that have come out referencing the issue.  Take a look.

Google Airs "It Gets Better" Commercial During 'Glee'

During the first commercial break of tonight's 'Glee', Google aired the following commercial.  You might want to grab a tissue.



I was fine, until Woody said, "You'll be fine, partner."  Then I lost it.  What a wonderful way of sending a message to a demographic that you know is watching the program.

Thank you Google, for realizing that sometimes there are things worth advertising that are more important than your product.

"It Gets Better" - From A Gay Witness's Perspective

As a response to the epidemic of suicides among LGBT teens in our nation, Dan Savage started the "It Gets Better" project last September.  Since then, thousands upon thousands of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered individuals, as well as a large number of straight allies, have recorded videos to tell young people that the challenges that they face will, in time, get easier to deal with.  Videos have been submitted by Lady Gaga, employees of Google, Apple, and Pixar, 'Glee's' Chris Colfer, and even President Obama.

As someone that grew up as a bisexual kid and a Jehovah's Witness, I had a unique set of circumstances to deal with.  As I've said in the past, I really didn't even know that bisexuality was an option when it came to my sexual orientation.  When at the Kingdom Hall, I had only heard about people that were "homosexual", and people that weren't.  I wasn't allowed to say "gay" or "lesbian" in my mom's house, because "those are the words they want to be called".  It was bigotry beyond belief.  It wasn't until I was in my twenties before I was able to clear away all of the religious bullshit, and figure out my sexuality on my own terms.

It's nice to know that I wasn't alone.  I have found a number of "It Gets Better" videos produced by people that grew up as Jehovah's Witnesses.  Finally, someone that has been in my shoes.  Someone that has been told, word for word, the same line of crap about who they should be and who they are supposed to love.

The first video comes from Johnny.  He shares his experience of having to come out as gay to the body of elders during his Freshman year of high school, and the consequences that came with it.  FYI: The clip has very low audio and is hard to hear, unless you turn your volume up all the way.  

The second video that I would like to share is from Philip.  He relates a childhood experience that hit really close to home for me.  It was a picture in the "Revelation" book that turned his world upside down.  I remember the illustration vividly.  I recall having the same fears that he did when seeing it.  He offers some very practical and honest advice for any teenager, Witness or not, that feels like they have nowhere to turn.

The final video that I would like to post is from Spencer Oakes Dawson.  He came out to his Witness family when he was 15.  As you can imagine, it wasn't pretty.  

As the video progresses, not only do you see Spencer reading some of the prepared script, but his friends relate his experience as well.  This is a wonderful way to prove a point that people fresh out of the organization need to see.  Yes, when you're disfellowshipped, or come out to your Witness family, you are alienated by everyone you've even known.  Your friends and family turn their back on you.  In time, you find new friends.  You find people that will care about you unconditionally.  Spencer's my hero.

It may not seem like it at first, but for those of us that are in the LGBT community, after walking away from our lives as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, things do get better.  In time, you find a peace with yourself and with the world that you are never allowed to have from within the religion.

For those of you reading this that are still Jehovah's Witnesses, or just need someone to talk to, help is available for you.  ***You can always go to The Trevor Project at www.thetrevorproject.org, or call them at 1-800-4 U TREVOR.***  They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide counseling and support.

You can also visit A Common Bond.  It is a support website that has been set up for members of the LGBT community that have been/are affiliated with Jehovah's Witnesses.  They know, more than anyone, what you are going through.

Of course, if you are reading this, and just need someone to talk to, you can always send me an email or find me on Facebook.  Or, send me a comment.  All comments are confidential and go to my email inbox to be moderated before they are published.  I understand that sometimes you just need to get something off of your chest.  I am here to help.

There was a time in my life, where I was made to feel so ashamed about who I was, that I contemplated suicide everyday for a number of years.  Thankfully, I'm still here.  I didn't have videos like these to watch 20 years ago when I thought I was the only one in the world that was feeling the way that I did.  The internet was still years away from existence.  These videos are saving the lives of kids like us...like some of the kids that we grew up with.  We didn't have someone to tell us that "it gets better".  We just prayed that it didn't get any worse.

Walmart Makes Things Right

The title of the post was originally going to be "Walmart.com: "Gay" Is A Four Letter Word".  Before I had the chance to write about it though, Walmart did the right thing.  Let me explain.

Last night, blogger and "It Gets Better" contributor, Mark S. King went on Walmart.com to write a review for the new "It Gets Better" book, which became available yesterday.  The book contains transcripts of some of the most inspirational videos that have been uploaded onto Youtube to date.  It also contains transcripts of the videos from celebrities and politicians that have contributed to the cause, including Barack Obama, Al Franken, and Ellen Degeneres.

When King clicked on the "submit" button to submit his review of the book, which incidentally, he is in, he received the following message:

We're sorry but we encountered the following issue(s):

• We have detected profanity in the Write Your Product Review field. Please remove the profanity and submit it again.

I received the same message when I tried to write a review last night.  Neither review had any curse words in them.  Here is a copy of the review I posted:

"A must have for any young gay or lesbian youth. It's a very inspiring book, that does let you know that things do eventually get better. Based off of Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" video project, this book continues the motivational dialog where the Youtube videos left off."

Notice any profanity?  I didn't.  So out of curiosity, I tried to write a review of the DVD of  'Glee Season 2, Volume 1' .  I mentioned that, without giving too much of the plot away, this season Kurt has to transfer to a new school due to being bullied for being gay.  Again, it wouldn't let me submit the review due to "profanity".  I substituted the word "gay" with "lesbian".  No go.  Then "queer".  Still considered profanity.  Then I tried "homosexual", thinking that maybe Walmart was actually being proactively sensitive toward the LGBT community to prevent people from leaving words like gay or queer as a slur in regards to a product (ie. "That's so gay.").  Guess again.  "Homosexual" was considered "profanity".

Eventually, when I put in the review that Kurt Hummel was being bullied because he was "transgendered", it let me submit the review (I did not submit it, in case you were wondering.).  I was furious.  Walmart already caters to middle America, "family oriented" consumers as is.  Did they need to make things worse?  I mean, take a look at the book selection in their stores.  Outside of 'Twilight' and 'The Da Vinci Code', the only books you'll see on the shelf are either religious in nature, or written by people on Fox News' payroll.  The vast majority of the LGBT community are already boycotting Target, and they really do not like Walmart to begin with.  Do we really need to have a reason to boycott another big box store?

Surprisingly though, within a matter of hours, Walmart stepped up and came through.  They issued a personal apology to Mark King.  It was given personally by spokesman Ravi Jariwala, saying:

"I apologize that this situation has been created. It was a systemic oversight, in which ‘gay’ was on a list of filtered words. Certainly it makes absolute sense for you to include this word in your review. This is a no-brainer for us."

They also issued the following "official" statement regarding the issue:

"Recently it was brought to our attention that Mark King was unable to complete a review of the book “It Gets Better” on Walmart.com. We regret that a filter did not allow his review of the book to post and we quickly worked to resolve this technical issue.

We reached out to Mark directly to discuss the issue and, as an extra measure, we have reviewed the system to ensure that it will allow the use of all appropriate words related to sexual orientation and gender identity."

Oh, and they published his review of the book, as it was originally written:

An incredibly important book., 

03/21/2011

Like many people who grew up gay and afraid, my soul may have survived those years but I have a few scars left behind. It Gets Better gently strokes these wounds — the toughened and the still-tender ones — so that young people today might take heart and make the journey to adulthood a little more safely.

There's no denying the power of this project, and what could easily be the most important book of the year.

You can read my full review at
http://marksking.com/my-fabulous-disease/the-book-with-a-promise-it-gets-better/

Product Attributes:

Value

Meets Expectations

10 of 10 found this review helpful. 

I suggest buying a copy of  'It Gets Better' when you get a chance, and when you do, a suggest buying it from Walmart.

Wordless Wednesdays

Adam Lambert - It Gets Better

President Obama - It Gets Better

I know.  Say what you will about DADT.  I'm pissed off about it too.  But think about it.  To have a sitting President send a message directly to young gay Americans, encouraging them to stay strong in the face of anti-gay bullying, is pretty significant.

Reagan didn't mention AIDS until 1985, and didn't make a speech about it until October of 1987.  By then, more than 20,000 people had died of the disease.  Neither of the Bushes were exactly friends of the gay community.  President Obama has decidedly shown himself to be more friend than foe, and right now, I'll take what I can get.  Thank you Mr. President.

Prince Poppycock - It Gets Better

My darling Poppycock, or should I say his alter ego, John Quale, produced a video for the Trevor Project and for the It Gets Better project started by Dan Savage a few weeks ago.  Take a look.

Buck Angel - It Gets Better

The first time I saw Buck Angel was on Maury.  It was one of those episodes where the audience was guessing if guests were male or female.  Buck was one of the guests.

Buck took the world by storm in 2004.  He was the first female to male transgendered porn star in history.  In 2007, he became the first transsexual man to win AVN's Transsexual Performer of the Year.  His video for the It Gets Better Project is the most emotional one I've seen yet.  Get a tissue.



Update:  I sent an email to Buck last night, thanking him for making the video.  Last weekend, I saw at least a dozen F2M young transgendered individuals at Pride.  I told Buck that he's a role model to those young people, and by making that video, he may have just saved one of their lives.

He emailed me back this afternoon.  For privacy reasons, I can't publish the email.  In a nutshell, he said that he didn't anticipate getting emotional, and he got a little freaked out about it, but he realized in the end that it wasn't about him but about helping others.  He ended the email with a "Woof!"  LOL.

Chaz Bono - It Gets Better

This video was released a few days ago, but I was out of town, so I didn't have a chance to pass it along.  The Trevor Project has done an amazing job at showing a diversity of voices from the LGBT community in their It Gets Better campaign.  Videos from transgendered adults have been noticeably rare.  It was wonderful to see Chaz Bono step forward to say some encouraging words for the gay, transgendered, questioning and transitioning youth out there.

It Gets Better/Love Is Louder

I'm at a crossroads when it comes to It Gets Better and Love Is Louder videos.  It seems that the whole thing has jumped the shark in a sense.  The Trevor Project reports that they have received over 500 It Gets Better video submissions so far, and MTV is getting every D list celebrity to do a Love Is Louder video.  Today, I had a Love Is Louder video in my inbox from Snooki and JWoww from Jersey Shore.  What wisdom can they impart?

While part of me has the attitude of "more is merrier", I see an It Gets Better video from a straight celebrity and I think, "What experience can they speak from?  How is a gay kid going to look at Anne Hathaway and think, "She knows where I'm coming from."?"

As a blogger, I have decided to lay off from forwarding the videos on from the net.  I am especially going to limit the messages from the Love Is Louder campaign.  Most of their videos are from people on their reality shows and their network personalities.  It's almost as if they are requiring their employees to make videos for the campaign, which, if that's the case, it's a completely bullshit campaign anyway.

I will still show those videos that I think are heartfelt and have the potential to be truly inspiring.  There are hundreds of people that have recorded their experiences in order to help LGBT youth that feel like they're alone and have nowhere to turn.  When I was a teenager, I was a questioning youth.  I was so lost.  I thought about killing myself on a daily basis.  I wish I would have had access to something like this back then.

As a bisexual adult, as a blogger, it's my duty to publish these stories for others to see.  It's my responsibility to tell others that it does get better, someday, somehow, whether you believe it or not, it does.

Tim Gunn - It Gets Better

An It Gets Better video from Project Runway's Tim Gunn.  In it, he reveals his failed suicide attempt at the age of 17.

Stars Come Out To Say It Gets Better

More than 500 videos have been posted on Youtube since Dan Savage introduced the It Gets Better project last month.  While some have been quite inspirational, it seems that many have jumped on the bandwagon as a way to get some sort of publicity.  There have been reports of blogs getting video submissions from dozens of reality show stars and B list celebrities.  Just do a search on Youtube for "It Gets Better" and take a gander at some of the VH1 reality show nobodies that show up.

Below are some of the better videos I have seen over the last couple of days.  Cyndi Lauper submitted this video on behalf of The Trevor Project:



Secondly, an It Gets Better message from the cast of the Broadway musical Wicked:

Darren Hayes: It Gets Better

Darren Hayes, the former front man for Savage Garden, has contributed a video for the It Gets Better project.  This one really hit home for me, especially the part where he says that kids outed him as gay before he even realized he was.  Take a look...

Support The Trevor Project

In the month of September, four young men have committed suicide to escape the relentless anti-gay bullying from other students.  Billy Lucas, a 15 year old high school Freshman from Greensburg, IN, took his own life in the family's barn on September 9th.  Friends say the abuse from other students was constant, and that he just wasn't able to fight back.

Asher Brown, a 13 year old Houston eighth grader, shot himself in the head the same day that he came out to his parents.  He was the target of bullies for the last 18 months.  They even went so far as to perform mock gay acts on him while in Phys Ed.  

Seth Walsh, a 13 year old from California, was the third gay youth to take his life this month.  He died yesterday afternoon, after being on life support for the last nine days.  He was found in the backyard of his home after hanging himself.  Like the others, he had been bullied for a considerable amount of time.  The school did nothing to protect him.  According to local station KGET:

“Tehachapi police investigators interviewed some of the young people who taunted Seth the day he hanged himself and determined despite the tragic outcome of their ridicule, their actions do not constitute a crime."

Tyler Clementi, an 18 year old Freshman from Rutgers University, is presumed to have jumped off the George Washington Bridge last week.  His car, cell phone and computer were all found next to the bridge but his body has yet to be recovered.  On September 19th, his roommate broadcast a live webcam video of him having sex with another male student.  His roommate even posted the following Tweet:

"Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."

Two days later, he posted an IChat link of the video broadcast.

The Trevor Project is a California based organization that provides suicide prevention counselors for LGBT youths, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  It's possible that, had these young men knew about this outlet, they would still be alive today.

Last week, The Trevor Project, with the help of Dan Savage, has sponsored a series of Youtube videos called It Gets Better.  In it, gay and lesbian adults tell their personal stories and assure young LGBT people that things will get better if they just hang in there.  Here is one of the more touching and inspiring videos I've seen:

The Trevor Project runs solely on donations.  They are a charitable organization.  You can get more information about how to donate here.  Or, you can make a $5 donation right now using your cell phone.

TEXT "TREVOR" TO 85944, and $5 will go to The Trevor Project and be billed on your next cell phone bill.

***If you are thinking about hurting yourself or committing suicide, please get help.  Call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.***