Autobiographical Songs Part II

Unrequited love hurts. What's worse is when that person doesn't even realize you exist. Remember Anne Dellisanti? There is another song in my life's movie soundtrack that would have to be related to her.

A Perfect Circle released the song '3 Libras' in February of 2001, almost 9 full years after the release of Radiohead's 'Creep'. I was living in Denver at the time, and, when I first heard the song, I instantly thought of Annie.

With lines like "I threw you the obvious", and "You don't see me", repeating over and over, it's clear that that song is about the ultimate form of rejection: being ignored.
That was my situation. From the time that I was 8, until the time I met my wife, I tried and tried, maybe an hundred times, unsuccessfully.

Honestly, I'm glad things happened the way they did. I love my wife. She's beautiful. Even more so than Anne Dellisanti. She's amazing, and more supportive than I ever could have imagined. I am so much in love. More than I ever thought I ever could have been.



And we make some pretty awesome kids:



My wife can't blame me. She has a bit of a girl crush on Annie sometimes too. We're still friends. She came for my daughter's first birthday party. But to chase a girl for 20 years hoping she'll suddenly see the light and fall in love with you...that doesn't even happen in movies. What I have is a fairy tale ending...a dream come true...what you wish for and pray for every night before you go to bed. All those years, I thought I was wishing for Anne Dellisanti, but it was Jessica Jean Hermes all along. Who would have known?

Autobiographical Songs Part I

We all have those songs that define certain parts of our lives, whether it be high school, a relationship, parenthood, or your mental state for an extended period of time. When thinking of what music defined me, the first song that comes to mind is 'Creep' by Radiohead.

It was released as a single in September of 1992; just as I would be starting my senior year of high school. I had been going to another high school for three years with my name on a waiting list to transfer to Trevor Browne. They had a business/entrepreneurship program that I was interested in (my mom was interested in) and I finally got permission to transfer over.

At my old high school I was alone. I had no friends. I knew no one. At Trevor, there were quite a few students in my classes that were in my local congregation, but I was alone.

You have to realize, I was also the size of a professional football player. I had always been head, shoulders, and nipples taller than everyone else in my class. I started first grade at 5'1" and 140 lbs. I was the circus freak from day one. Add to that the social isolation of being a Witness. "I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo". After years of being bullied and feeling like I didn't have a friend in the world, it seemed like Creep articulated how I had been feeling inside most of my life.

Then there was Anne Dellisanti. I became acquainted with her brothers shortly after moving to Phoenix. I was 8. She was 11. I fell in love with her the day that I had met her. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Still is, next to my wife. 'Creep' was a lot about her. 9 years later..still had a crush on her. The way I think she saw me. The way I think she always saw me. As the "fat kid that hung out with her brothers". There's a segment in the song that says, "I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice, when I'm not around. You're so very special. I wish I was special". In the album version, the word "very" is replaced with "fucking", which I thought makes it a very angry and bitter sounding song instead of the self pity that you hear in the radio version....anyway...moving on...Every time I hear that song, I think of high school. I think of the bullying. I think of how there were days that I thought it was never going to stop; that I was always going to be "weird".

As I got older, I realized all of the "normal" people were boring. Having a little bit of "weird" in you is not so bad. The following video is a cover of 'Creep' from a taping of 'MTV Unplugged' by Korn. Usually I would post the original video, but their performance was so dead on, you can tell that this song meant as much to them as it did to me.