Will The Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up? (Video)

I had a chance to see this video earlier today.  When I did, there were less than 100 views of it on YouTube.  By the time I got around to post this, there's more than 30,000.  Story of my life.

Until today, I never realized how monotone Romney is.  He lacks vocal inflection to such a degree that you can seamlessly edit portions of his speeches together.  Who would have thought that Mitt would become the world's next great white rapper?  Hell.  If Eminem is white, Mitt Romney glows in the dark...

"Every Mormon, swing your underwear.  Sing the chorus, Papa Bear."

As If There Isn't Enough Crazy In The Republican Race, Ron Paul Has Fake Eyebrows? (Photo)

Since the Republican presidential candidates themselves offered nothing of substance at Tuesday night's debate, journalists have been left to ask the hard hitting questions facing America's leaders themselves.  Like, "What the fuck is going on with Ron Paul's eyebrow?"

If you look closely, it appears that his right eyebrow is falling off, and there is a smaller, less noticeable eyebrow underneath.  (I believe that's called moulting.  He's shedding his skin.)  It is unknown whether the image is the result of a cosmetic prosthesis, or a bizarre optical illusion.  In any event, with the lack of attention Paul's campaign has been getting in recent weeks, this latest development has been raising eyebrows.

When reached for comment, Paul's campaign spokesman Jesse Benton claimed that even the hinting of such cosmetic attempts "stupid" and "insulting".  He did say that "Dr. Paul's allergies acted up a touch".  I have no idea what that means in context to a question about fake eyebrows.  

Some suggest that Mr. Paul may be artificially enhancing his brow line to compete with the striking, bushy brows of rivals Rick Perry and Mitt Romney.  I personally find it hard to believe that someone would intentionally attempt to make themselves resemble your crazy estranged uncle.

On a personal note, I hole Ron Paul in the highest regard, and welcome our future alien overlords.  (I'm kidding of course.  On both counts.)