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Showing posts with label NASCAR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NASCAR. Show all posts

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Introducing...The NASCAR Bible

I know.  First time I heard those two words together, I threw up a little in my mouth, too.  Yeah, it exists.  And, as much as it sounds like a gag from 'Talladega Nights', it's not a joke.  Since NASCAR doesn't officially endorse it, it's called the 'Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition'.


I'm surprised I am just now hearing about this.  It has been on the shelves since September of 2009.  You would think that with it being the "Stock Car Bible", a number of things would have changed in the translation.  Dale and Junior would show up listed in Jesus' lineage.  Christ would have changed water to Bud Light.  The account in the Gospels of Jesus cleansing the Temple of the money changers would have read, "And Jesus walked in to the Temple, like Patrick Swayze in that one scene from 'Roadhouse', right?  Hell yeah!"

Instead, it's the NIV (New International Version) translation.  The Amazon link above is full of humor.  The product description:
"Featuring exciting and inspiring full-color inserts with photos of and insights from stock car racing's finest personalities, the NIV Thinline Bible: Stock Car Edition is sure to be a motorsports fan's favorite Bible. Motor Racing Outreach, a ministry to the world of motorsports, has partnered with Zondervan to create this Bible designed to delight race fans. MRO brings testimonies and photographs of the popular race personalities with whom they work on a daily basis---the drivers, the pit crews, the media spokespeople, and others associated with the world of racing. Combined with the complete text of the New International Version and offered in two innovative and cost-effective bindings, this title will make a wonderful gift for the true racing fan."
Even better are some of the reviews:
"5.0 out of 5 Stars "This Bible is just what I've been looking for" by Cal Noughton, Jr.
This Bible is awesome, cause I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt which says "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party, too." 'Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party. I like to think of Jesus with giant eagle's wings, singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd, with an angel band, and I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk."      
 Clearly making fun of the book.  Then again, I can't tell which reviews aren't making fun of the book.

"Boogity, boogity, boogity, Amen."

Thursday, July 28, 2011

"Boogity Boogity Boogity"

A couple of days ago, I posted a video of the prayer at last Sunday's NASCAR event.  I personally have never thought of thanking God for Dodge and "GM Performance Technology", but hey, maybe it's just me.

In any event, the folks at Songify have remixed the clip.  Songify is the folks that went viral with the 'Autotune The News' videos on Youtube.  Let's just say that I would buy this song in a heartbeat if it were available on ITunes.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Video: What Rednecks Are Thankful For

To quote Will Ferrell in 'Talladega Nights', "Does that blow your mind?  That just happened!"  I am so embarrassed this morning to be White.



I think this guy was influenced by the Ricky Bobby's prayers at the dinner table...



He knows that the movie was a comedy, right?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Republicans Want To Bring Back Slavery

They don't, but if you saw this headline in tomorrow's newspaper, would it really surprise you?

**OK, I'm going to be honest.  I am so angry right now, I don't even know where to start.  I'm going to be very critical of a certain group of people here, but I'm being 100% honest with the way that I feel.  If you're offended, I'm sorry, but you don't have to continue reading my blog if you don't like it.**

Republicans are pissing me the fuck off.  Who else can they fuck with....really??  They have it their mission in the last year to do anything they can to take as many rights, privileges, and benefits away from gay Americans.
Republican Senators and Congressmen are vowing to push through a bill in this session repealing the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell (follow me).  States that have approved gay marriage, such as Iowa and New Hampshire, are fighting tooth and nail not to have it repealed by GOP state legislatures.  California is fighting in the courts to get gay marriage back after it was approved and then repealed by Republican voters.  Wyoming passed a bill today refusing to recognize gay marriages performed in OTHER STATES!!  And other states are merely cutting domestic partner benefits arbitrarily for the sake of "budget cuts", while not making any cuts to the benefits of married partners.

As February approached, rumors started to circulate as to how drastic Republicans would want to cut the budget on things like the arts, women's services, and health care.  It was much worse than anyone could have imagined.

The GOP has declared an all out war against Planned Parenthood.  Today, the House voted to strip the entire $327 million in annual Title X federal funding that it receives.   By law, none of the federal money they receive can go to fund abortions.  They have a private donor fund for that already.  Congressmen know that.  It's been that way since the mid-90s.  The $327 million they receive go to education, birth control, STD testing, HIV tests, cancer screenings, and gynecological exams, amongst other things.  I have used Planned Parenthood on numerous occasions for free STD and HIV testing about 10 years ago when I lived in Denver.  They were an excellent resource for contraceptives when I didn't even have enough money in my pocket to buy a pack of condoms.  They were always kind, accommodating, and never judged me.  My wife used their services when she was younger, was uninsured, and needed Depo shots. She received them at no charge from Planned Parenthood. They are an excellent resource for both men and women.  Abortions account for only 3% of the total procedures done at their clinics.  The things they do save more lives than the babies that die in their locations.  If they lose almost a third of a billion dollars in funding, over 800 locations nationwide risk being closed.  That means the possibility or more unwanted or unplanned babies, the spread of various STDs or HIV unknowingly being spread in those communities, and lower income women not being able to get gynecological care at little or no cost in their neighborhood.

Oh, and to make things worse, Republicans in the state of South Dakota, (which I'm going to just refer to as Dumbfuckistan from now on) introduced a bill making the defending of a fetus "justifiable homicide".  This opens the doors to being able to legally kill abortion providers.  House Bill 1171 states that murder is legal if defending your unborn child, or the unborn child or your spouse, partner, parent, or child.  So, even if the mother is going into the clinic with the intent of having the abortion, that woman's husband, boyfriend, son, daughter, father, or mother could, in theory, kill the abortion provider justifiably.  And, get this, the Dumbfuckistan state House has also introduced a bill requiring mandatory gun ownership for everyone 21 years of age and older.  It's not expected to pass, obviously, but could you get any dumber.

OK.....next point.  Today the fuckers voted to repeal Obama's health care reform.  They claimed it was because the budget, but we all know they hated the thing back when Hillary Clinton tried to get everyone on board with it back in the 90s.  They call it "Socialist" and "Marxist", but I call it "necessary".  Even with insurance, I can't even afford my medical bills.  They're over $500 a month sometimes, minimum.  My parents filed bankruptcy twice because of hospital bills.  One stay in the hospital can literally break a family for years. It's how the poor stay poor.  Just when they start to get on their feet again, there's another emergency, and they're back on their knees.  You're required to have insurance on your car.  You're required to have insurance on your house.  Heck, I have to have insurance on the things I have in my storage unit.  Isn't my health more important than a few totes full of hoodies and office supplies in my storage unit?  I think so.  Not only did House Republicans vote to repeal health care reform, but they also voted to refuse to pay any federal employees that were working on the health care reform project.  So, thousands of people...out of work.

Congress also voted to strip roughly 25%, or $20.6 million, from the National Endowment for the Arts.  It's the biggest cut the NEA has received in 16 years.  Don't forget, there's also talk that they want to remove funding for NPR and the Corporation for Public Brodcasting (PBS).  Hopefully, your kids are old enough to already have enjoyed Sesame Street.  Mine isn't.

At the same time, Republicans voted to keep in funding for abstinence only programs.  These are programs that have been proven not to work.  They paint false realities and unrealistic futures.  When students have sex, and they eventually do, they are unprepared and know nothing regarding STDs, HIV, or safe sex.  This is an example, although a little strange, of the content of some of the abstinence only curriculum being taught today.  This is your tax dollars at work:



Congressmen also reversed $1.5 billion in funding cuts that Obama made to combat efforts in Iraq.  Evidentially, the GOP thinks we're still in combat operations there.  Let's not forget that Tea Party Republicans are fighting to eliminate the Department of Education and the Environmental Protection Agency.  Not make budget cuts, but eliminate the entire department from the government.

After all of this bullshit, what have Democrats done?  We've made phone calls.  We have organized online.  We have rallied using social networks like Facebook and Twitter.  We have blogged our frustrations.  We have called our Senators, asking them to vote against the budget cuts that the Congressmen have just made.  We have been civil.

Then we have the incident yesterday at Rep. Betty McCollum's (D-Minn.) office.  Last week, she submitted an amendment to the budget to cut $7 million from the Pentagon budget by discontinuing the Army's sponsorship of the #39 car in NASCAR.  A couple of days later, she received the following fax in her office:


Um..yeah...they called our President the N-word....and they're dragging him behind a pick up truck with a noose.  A death threat to a Congresswoman over a $7 million sponsorship deal.  This isn't something that would cripple NASCAR mind you.  If that car lost the Army sponsor, he would pick up a new one.  Instead of being the "Army" car, he would be the "Oreo" car, or the "Applebee's" car.  It wouldn't make a damn bit of difference.  Fucking rednecks.  I swear, it's like "Fuck women.  Fuck the gays.  Fuck the Mexicans and the Blacks.  I don't want my tax dollars goin' to that gay art stuff, but you better not touch my fuckin' NASCAR.  What are you?  A communist?"

What is wrong with this fucking country?  Who's next?  Who haven't we fucked over as a nation?  Hispanics, check.  LGBT community, check.  Women, check.  The poor, check.  Minorities, check.  Children, check.  The Environment, check.  Who's left....oh.

Rich, old, white, straight, married males.  Wow.  Sounds a lot like....Republican members of Congress.  Coincidence?