Freudian Slip Of The Day

Last night, Fox News host Heather Childers made the following announcement:

“The UConn Huskies are the 2014 NAACP national champs."

Seriously. Look at this...



I don't think that it wouldn't have been so bad, had it not been predicted on SNL last week.  Wait until the :20 mark...

I Love You, You Know...

I was Philip as a kid.  Looking back, it's no wonder my folks beat me so much.  Ha ha ha.

Jehovah's Witnesses Have Everything....

Merry Christmas

May your holiday season be filled with magic and wonder.

Stefon Suggests A Place To Take Mom For Brunch

From last night's SNL.



Bill Hader has created, hands down, the funniest gay character in the history of television.

Mother's Day Love...Literally

Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg remind us what Mother's day is all about:  loving your mother.  Or, in their case, loving their best friend's mother.

**Video contains adult language and is NSFW**

'Fox & Friends': Get A Pap Smear At Walgreens

I don't know how I missed this a few days ago, but better late than never, right?

Last Monday, April 11th, when the cable news channels were still talking about the "The Government Shutdown That Almost Happened, But Didn't, Of 2011", the community college journalism minors at 'Fox & Friends' started talking about Democrats and funding Planned Parenthood.  Then, one of the dumbest sentences ever uttered on television was spoken.  I'll let Stephen Colbert explain.

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Pap Smears at Walgreens
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A group of women nationwide decided to go to their local Walgreens, and see if they could get a pap smear or a breast exam.  They videotaped their experience.  I think they scared the stock boy.  Spoiler alert:  No stirrups next to the cat food.



I know, this post is a little video heavy, but bear with me.  It's worth it.

Just a week before the Walgreens debacle, 'Fox & Friends' reported on a "new" line of multicultural Crayola crayons and markers, meant to give children a variety of options when it comes to skin colors for their coloring books.  When I was a kid, you had a peachish color, tar black, or "burnt sienna" (which in no way resembled any person of color, whether they be Native American, African American, or Latino).  Of course, the people at 'Fox & Friends' didn't find the product as a step forward towards a conversation in diversity, but somehow offensive.



The crayons are not actually "new" by any means.  Crayola introduced them in 1992.  They've been on the market for 19 years!

Keep in mind, I do not watch Fox News at all.  The heads up on these "lapses in journalistic integrity" come second hand, usually from the internet or 'The Daily Show'.  Imagine how many blog posts I could do if only I watched the program every day.  Nah, not worth it.

My favorite 'Fox & Friends' gaffe of the last 6 months or so comes from October of last year. They reported on a story that the City of Los Angeles was investing $1 billion on 100,000 jetpacks for firefighters, paramedics, and emergency responders.  Their news source, unfortunately, turned out to be 'The Weekly World News', the same paper who had a headline yesterday called, "Obama Was Born - On Mars".  It claims that he was indeed born on Mars, and brought here as a child by aliens from the planet Zeeba.  The original jetpack story is here, by the way.




It appears that the, "Oh yeah, by the way, that story we did 45 minutes ago was complete bullshit" bit is a regular thing on the program.  SNL picked up on this a couple of weeks ago, and hit the nail right on the head.  The best part comes in at the last 30 seconds or so.



Is this even supposed to be considered news anymore?  Shouldn't they be held to the same standards as CNN or MSNBC?  Hell, shouldn't they be held to the same journalistic standards as the 'Today' show or 'Good Morning America'?  If Al Roker came on your set tomorrow, and said it was going to be 93 in Anchorage, Alaska, and snowing and -23 in Miami, wouldn't he be fired?  Why aren't these people?  Don't answer that.  It was a rhetorical question.

SNL Hits A Little Close To Home

About 12 years ago, I worked as a strip club DJ at a place called Cole's Platinum Club in Phoenix.  It was ghetto....GHETTO.  It sat under an overpass on the West side of town, and yes, I worked on the day shift.


One word of advice to anyone that is interested in going to a gentlemen's club:  Never go before 9PM.  Some clubs advertise happy hours.  Some advertise free buffets.  Don't buy into the hype!  


There was one dancer that I worked with named "Jordan", that was into her second year of a veterinary assistant program, but was allergic to dogs and cats.


There was another dancer that had a nasty 6-7 inch scar on the inside of her right thigh.  When I asked her about it, she told me that one afternoon she decided to do a "power slide" across the stage.  The inside of her thigh caught on a splinter on the hardwood stage and ripped her leg open.  An ambulance had to be called.  She had to have surgery to repair an artery.  The stage was never repaired.


The pièce de résistance was the dancer on the day shift that was bald and deaf.  I'm not joking.  She wore a blond wig, and would only dance to the Beastie Boys' 'She's Crafty', because the bass was so heavy, she could feel it in the stage.  Unfortunately, when you only have 5 dancers on the day shift, and they're supposed to dance to two songs per rotation, you tend to hear that fucking song a lot.


When there are less than half a dozen customers in the club, it makes no sense to have the volume of the music turned up so loud that you can't hear yourself think.  I'm not trying to be mean, but it didn't really matter what volume the music was at anyway, because she danced off beat to begin with;  so, it was always like she was dancing to another song, already.  


When the song was over, she would still be dancing.  I would have to flicker the strobe lights on and off to try to get her attention.  93% of the time, it wouldn't work.  It would be so weird to see the customers looking at her dancing to no music, then look at me, trying to figure out what was going on, then back to her.  I wasn't allowed to leave my booth under any circumstance, so more often than not, I would have to throw ice at her to get her attention, and get her off stage.  My god, it was horrible.


$6.00 an hour and 10% of what the ladies took home.  On a good day, I would go home with $50, and would have to give the deaf girl a few dollars for a cab ride home.  That was my life.

2011 Box Office Promises "The Summer Of Timberlake"

Over the last decade, Justin Timberlake has proved himself to be an accomplished singer and record producer.  In 2006, he made his big screen debut in Nick Cassavetes' 'Alpha Dog'.  He received critical acclaim for his role as Frankie "Nuts" Ballenbacher, who is involved with the kidnapping and subsequent murder of another character in the film.  The film is based on the true story of the kidnapping and murder of 15 year old Nicholas Markowitz in 2000.

Though not releasing an album since 2006's 'Future Sex/Love Sounds', he has made quite a name for himself as a frequent host and regular surprise guest on 'Saturday Night Live'.  The following videos are funnier than shit, but NSFW.  Seriously, unless you want your coworkers to hear you jamming out to the uncensored version of 'Dick In A Box', you may want to wait until you get home to watch them.



Timberlake has four movies scheduled to be released this year, two of them this summer.  The first one on the calendar is a comedy with former girlfriend Cameron Diaz, called 'Bad Teacher'.  Diaz plays the embodiment of the "couldn't care less/don't give a damn" teacher.  Timberlake comes into the school as the substitute teacher that isn't doing the job for the money, but to truly make a difference.  It's going to be interesting to see what kind of chemistry the two have with each other on film, considering the two carried on a romantic relationship for three and a half years.  The two trailers in this post are red band trailers.  They are NSFW due to adult language.



'Bad Teacher' comes out on June 24th.

On July 22nd, he stars in a comedy with 'Black Swan's' Mila Kunis in 'Friends With Benefits'.  It's about two friends that decide that they can enter into a sexual relationship without it ruining their friendship.  Wow.  OK. That sounds familiar.  Didn't that just come out a month ago?  It had Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman in it, and it was called 'No Strings Attached'.  Isn't it strange that Mila and Natalie both had starring roles in 'Black Swan' together, and then the following movie for both of them is a "fuck buddy" flick?  I haven't seen 'No Strings Attached', but based on the trailer, 'Friends With Benefits' looks much funnier.  Again, this is a red band trailer.  It's NSFW.



Later this year, Timberlake has a Sci Fi/thriller coming out in October called 'Now'.  The plot seems a little strange.  It's set in the future where people buy things with time instead of currency.  It stars 'Inception's' Cillian Murphy.

Then, in late 2011/early 2012, 'Lay the Favorite' should be released, starring Timberlake, Bruce Willis, and Catherine Zeta Jones.  It's about a thirty something woman that gets involved with a group of geeky fifty something men that figure out a way to rip off a Las Vegas casino sportsbook.

I'm assuming, more screen time in the theaters will equate to more screen time on 'Saturday Night Live'.  There have also been rumors swirling on the net in recent months that JT has been secretly recording new material for an album that could possibly be released by year's end.  In other words, hope you like Justin Timberlake, because whether you do or not, you're going to be seeing a lot more of him in the upcoming months.

Special Valentine's Day Tune From Eminem And Lil' Wayne

Tarran Killam and Jay Pharoah of SNL demonstrate why Eminem and Lil' Wayne make a bad choice of music to woo your woman with.  Killam does a shockingly good job at channeling Eminem:



"KNIFE!!"

Parody Of Every British Action Movie Made In The Last 15 Years

I remember the first time watching a couple of Guy Ritchie's movies, like 'Snatch' and 'Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels', I had to rewind the DVD over and over again.  It took me forever to figure out what the characters were saying.  It looks like I wasn't the only one.

On the most recent episode of SNL, they aired a trailer for a new British movie titled 'Don' You Go Rounin' Roun to Re Ro', featuring British comedian Russell Brand  It is a spot on parody of every British action movie that has been released since 1998.  They even have the local neighborhood bad guy with the dog on the couch.  Ha ha.  Check it out:



Oh, and the website featured at the end of the trailer, www.donyougorouninrountorero.com, it's a legitimate promotional website for a fake movie.  When 'Saturday Night Live' does a gag, they like to go all out.

Shame On You, Saturday Night Live

Speaking of last night's SNL, during Weekend Update, Fred Armisen came on to do a three minute spot dressed as Hosni Mubarak to discuss the lack of internet and the protesting in the streets:



To make light of the situation going on in Egypt, to trivialize it the way that they did, was tasteless and uncalled for.  As of Saturday morning, the people of Egypt were without a link to the outside world.  As of this morning, the world has practically no visual link to them.  The army currently has "shoot to kill" orders tonight when it comes to the protesters on the streets.

There are some things you don't joke about.  Some things are off limits.  I don't remember Saturday Night Live doing a skit on the pro-democracy protests in Tiananmen Square in Beijing in '89, or the genocide in Darfur, or the hurricane and following humanitarian crisis in Haiti.  Why should this be any different?

SNL - "Static Electricity" With Mr. Wizard

This season's SNL just gets better and better with each episode.  Case in point, last night's guest host Jesse Eisenberg with Nasim Petrad, learning about static electricity, and their growing bodies on a classic episode of Nickelodeon's Mr. Wizard:

Pee Wee And Andy's Big Adventure

One of the funnier Digital Shorts I've seen on SNL in a while:

Shirtless Guy Does Kristin Wiig

...Better than Kristin Wiig.  Hilarious video on Youtube.  Was featured on Perez Hilton's site today.  This guy has a number of videos mimicking SNL skits.   Some really funny shit.

Remembering Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze died earlier this afternoon after a nearly two year battle with pancreatic cancer. He will mostly be remembered for his legendary roles in such hits as 'Dirty Dancing' and 'Ghost'. But even in his "lesser known" movie roles, he was an actor that put everything into his characters. Perhaps his most memorable roles to me was as the troubled motivational speaker, Jim Cunningham, in 2001's 'Donnie Darko'. It was quite a haunting performance. There were some of his movies that were, let's be honest, hated by the critics ('Point Break', 'Road House'). He made them cult classics. He had a way of stealing the scene; of bringing the focus on him. Case in point:

Chris Farley - Chippendales


Anyone......ANYONE!!!!....that can go through that six minute plus skit.....ON LIVE TELEVISION...and keep a straight face is a true professional. He may not be with us anymore but he'll live on through DVD, the internet, and all forms of digital media. Rest in peace Patrick.