W̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶L̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶T̶o̶ ̶B̶u̶i̶l̶d̶ ̶A̶ ̶S̶n̶o̶w̶m̶a̶n̶?̶ Will You Help Me Hide A Body?

A little something to help get you through the 42nd time watching Frozen.

Ridiculously Hilarious Headline Of The Day

Tea Party To Celebrate Five Years Of Racism And Hilariously Misspelled Signs

Details

Photo Of The Day

HA!!!!

She licked her makeup off, from sticking her tongue out so much.  This is the greatest thing I've seen today.

Oh....one more.....

Your Daily Affirmation

Don't Forget To Set Your Alarm

Why Jehovah's Witnesses Are Drawn To The Muppets

For a lot of you, I'm going to ruin 'The Muppet Show', and for that, I apologize.

About 20 years ago, an old Witness friend told me about this.  He said there were days when it was the only thing to get him through the day at Bethel.

Did you know that the lyrics of Kingdom Melody #117, 'Marriage - God's Arrangement', match up perfectly with 'The Muppet Show' theme song?  It does....and it's GLORIOUS.

I thought I would have a little fun, and added new lyrics to a video of 'The Muppet Show' opening.  Enjoy.

My New Favorite Website

Perhaps I'm really late to the game, but I'm laughing my ass off at Ghetto Hikes.  According to it's creator, the page is maintained by a 28 year old that leads urban kids on nature hikes.  "I simply write down the shit they say."

Today's gem:

"We thought Thurman ova there havin' a seizure.  Turns out he just excited bout nature." 

A couple of my favorites in recent weeks include:

"Jamarcus mad cuz I change his Facebook status to say he like men, and he can't change it cause this forest ain't got no wifi." 

and,

"We in nature dawg.  Ain't no need dictionary words like beverage." 

If you don't have a Tumblr account, you can still follow the adventures of Mr. Cody on Facebook or Twitter.  Just click one of the links at the top of his website.   

Text Message Of The Day

Whale watching?  There's an app for that...

Don't lie.  You know you're texting this to someone right this very second.

Graph: The World According To Alcoholics

I know a few people that see the world like this:

Zebra infused vodka?

Thanks Dustinland.

Photo: Woman Buys Wooden IPad For $180

In a contest of "Who's dumber than who" this week, a South Carolina woman bought what she thought was an IPad, but turned out to be a block of wood.  Turns out, the con men weren't too keen either.  Here's the story:

22 year old Ashley McDowell, told police that she was approached by two young men while leaving McDonald's on Monday afternoon.  One of the men showed her a new IPad 2, and explained that he had a trunk full of the tablets, due to a bulk pricing deal.  He offered McDowell one for $300 cash.  She countered with an offer of $180, and he accepted.

He opened his trunk, and gave her one of the many sealed FedEx boxes that were stacked in it.  Upon arriving at home and opening the box, this is what she found:

It was a piece of wood the approximate size of an IPad, spray painted black.  But, it had a white Apple logo spray painted on the back.  The "screen" was framed in black tape, with replicas of IPad icons for Safari, Mail, Photos and the IPod logo.  There was also what appeared to be a "Best Buy sales ticket" applied to what would have been the screen.

Why would con men go through such trouble for a simple "bait and switch" con?  Did they do it to add insult to injury?  Or were they really so stupid, that they thought they needed to put that much effort into the job to rip someone off?  Were all of those FedEx boxes in the trunk filled with "imitation" IPads?  This story is really a competition of who has the lower IQ.

My favorite part of the story-look at the left image above.  She actually tried to swipe the screen!

Cartoon: Impeach President God

Via The Uniblog

Pregnancy Scare

Another nugget from 5 Second Films:

I'm Going To Hell For Laughing At This...

Patton Oswalt is in the latest installment of '5 Second Films'.  Be sure to check out their Vimeo page for more hilarious clips.  Hey, if one sucks, you've only wasted five seconds of your time.

The Greatest Internet Troll Of All Time

According to Wikipedia, an internet troll is defined as the following:

"In internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion."

 I am pleased to introduce Muriel J. Compton.  Either "Muriel" is the greatest internet troll to have ever lived, or a woman in need of serious help.  If this is an act, she is on an Andy Kaufman level of comedic genius.

Muriel has been making the rounds at the Babycenter.com forums for years now.  It has just been in the last couple of weeks that she has become well known outside the Baby Center circle.  I happened across one of her posts that have recently gone viral.  Last year, in the Baby Center forums, she posed the following question:

"Dinosaurs are one of Satan's many ways of tricking man", much like gravity, magnets, and the fact that the Earth goes around the Sun.  At first glance, I thought, "This has to be a joke".  Then, I discovered more posts from Muriel covering the last two to three years.  Check out this one, posted in October of 2008:

"As a Christian, should I allow my children to dress for Halloween?  Every year when my children see the costumes at the stores for Halloween, they ask me why they are not allowed to dress in them. I always tell them because Halloween is the Devil's holiday, and just because they see people in the world doing things, doesn't mean they should do them. Halloween, to me, is a holiday that glorifies Satan. I see masks with the Devil's horns, ghosts (souls never become ghosts, they always go to Heaven or Hell), demons, witches, pagan fairies, and other scary creatures that are not pleasing to God. I get many negative comments from other parents saying I am mean and my kids must never have any fun, which is not true. They have many fun activities with the church that we do. But recently I was talking to my neighbor, who is also a Christian, although she does allow her children to wear costumes. She just won't let them be anything that is evil. They are allowed to dress as cats, dogs, and other creatures of God's. I see this as being OK, but there is always the issue of the meaning behind Halloween and the Satanic pagan rituals that are a part of it, and I certainly wouldn't want to confuse my children by telling them that one aspect of it is OK, but one aspect is not. Can you think of reasons which glorify God to wear a costume, so that we can honor the Lord if I do allow them to dress for this holiday? One idea I had is to dress them in clothing like children growing up when Jesus did would have worn. I have prayed for guidance but the Lord seems to be telling me to decide for myself what is right."

Mom, is that you?

After receiving numerous inflammatory comments on the above post, Muriel, in true troll fashion, started a completely new thread to say that she wasn't a troll...or a liar.  Why she couldn't simply post an additional comment on the existing thread is beyond me.

"I am not a troll or a liar.  A member questioned the fact that I am a new grandmother and homeschool my children. Both are true. I have five children that range in age from 4 to 24."  

If that isn't the definition of troll, I don't know what is.

I for one, don't know whether to be the president of Muriel's fan club, or call Child Protective Services on her.  I would like to think that Muriel is a thirty something guy in New York City that is taking his frustrations out on the Christian Right by inventing this character with such antiquated beliefs.  However, growing up as I did, raised by a mother very similar to Muriel, I have a sinking feeling that this is all too real.

I was never allowed dinosaur toys as a child.  My mom did believe that dinosaurs once existed, but were washed away by the flood of Noah.  I couldn't Trick or Treat, as Halloween was a "holiday for Satan".  I wasn't allowed to watch The Smurfs or He-Man.  I couldn't even watch Star Wars as a kid, since my mom believed that "the force" was a religion.

If these posts are legitimate, I truly feel sorry for those children.  The future can not look good for the Compton household.  It will likely involve a healthy dose of bitterness and jaded feelings toward the family matriarch.  I can say this from experience.

If you're looking for a good laugh, Muriel has recently restarted her account with babycenter.com, and has been vehemently defending herself, as of late.  Good stuff.  

Video: Sleepy Baby Is Sleepy

She's trying so hard to stay awake.  This is too cute.  Dammit, now my ovaries are hurting.

Video: The Funniest Thing You'll See All Day

Via Tosh.0, I'm proud to present "The Splendiferous Barfing Cup":

Video: 2 Brits Discover The Wonder That Is Walmart

Liam and Alex, members of the band Chameleon Circuit, check out the madness and majesty that is a Walmart supercenter.  Hilarity ensues.

Video: Tori Spelling To Appear On This Week's 'Hoarders'

On Monday's 'Hoarders', '90210' star Tori Spelling and her husband seek help for an obsession that is tearing their family apart.

Hoarders: Untold sTori from Tori Spelling

OK.  Not really, but pretty damn funny.

Video: Sesame Street + Beastie Boys = Sure Shot

I have seen this video on a number of sites in the last day or so.  Every time I see it, I can't help but bob my head and smile.  Great job at slowing down some of the footage to present the illusion of lip-syncing.  Very funny.

Video: Impressionist Does Shakespeare In 25 Voices

This guy is amazing!  Often, when you see an impressionist doing a bit, it's some childish political humor.  Many times, they're appealing to the least common denominator.  In the case of comedian Jim Meskimen, he's doing Shakespeare.  Clarence's speech from Richard III, specifically.  25 voices in the 3:46 clip.  Though is George Clooney is a bit rough, it's certainly worth your time.



What a way to sell tickets to your show.