Quote Of The Day

"I would want to consult with the intelligence community, the commanders on the ground in that part of the world, which I have stated before. But we should — I don’t have all the information necessary to make that decision."

- Herman Cain, responding to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel's question on whether he favors a military strike against Iran.  If you remember correctly, it was during the same interview with the Journal Sentinel in which Mr. Cain said practically the exact same thing, verbatim, as to if he would have handled Libya differently than Obama.

"I need to hear the facts.  As much as possible.  I need to hear all the alternatives.  For example, you might have mentioned that, even within the administration, there were different views.  I would want to hear all of those views, look at all of the information, then I would make the decision as Commander In Chief." 

If you watch the interview, he's practically asking the reporter to fill him in on the events that took place in Libya over the last couple of months.  I'm not sure if he honestly knows if Gadhafi was a "good guy" or a "bad guy".  And apparently, he would want to get the opinion of the labor secretary and the transportation secretary to make sure they were on board with a military operation.



Oh.  One more thing.  During that interview, Cain said that a military attack on Iran would not be "practical", because the country has mountains.

That's right, we would not be able to bomb Iran's top scientific facilities or their weapons cache, because it appears that they're embedded in the mountains.  I think he's thinking of the Taliban...in Afghanistan.

The Reason Why You Shouldn't Watch 'Dancing With The Stars' (Hint: It's Not Chaz Bono)

In recent weeks, the media, as well as numerous Christian groups, have focused on Chaz Bono, and his participation on this season's 'Dancing With The Stars'.  As Chaz is the first transgendered celebrity to participate in a nationally televised reality competition, it's easy to see why he would receive so much attention.  Christian organizations under the guise of "family groups" have called for the show's boycott.   A regular correspondent for Fox News has even warned parents not to let their children watch the show, fearing that Bono's "she/he" ways will influence their impressionable minds.

While this debate has been fervently taking place amongst the nations pundits, something far more insidious has casually been infecting the hearts and minds of DWTS viewers over the last two weeks:  Nancy Grace.

She trying to be sexy, people!!!!  Come on.  I mean, I just threw up in my mouth a little.  Last season?  Kirstie  Alley?  I totally believed it.  She sold it.  And, let me tell you something.  I was buying!  Hook, line and sinker.  But this?!

I just want a shower, and not the good kind.  Was thinking of something more along the lines of guys in hazmat suits with brushes, attached to long sticks.  

Supposedly, during tonight's live performance, Ms. Grace had a "wardrobe malfunction" of sorts.  The video below is of the end of her performance.  While it allegedly shows a "nipple slip", I don't see anything.  Then again, I'm not going to look for it, either.  The reason why I am posting the clip is the audience reaction.  There is obviously an editing error.  

The clip, of what is supposed to be a live television broadcast, has the audio of the studio audience applauding, but shows the audience quietly sitting in their seats.  They're practically motionless.  Very bizarre. It's quite a funny end to a performance on a television show.

Photo: Woman Buys Wooden IPad For $180

In a contest of "Who's dumber than who" this week, a South Carolina woman bought what she thought was an IPad, but turned out to be a block of wood.  Turns out, the con men weren't too keen either.  Here's the story:

22 year old Ashley McDowell, told police that she was approached by two young men while leaving McDonald's on Monday afternoon.  One of the men showed her a new IPad 2, and explained that he had a trunk full of the tablets, due to a bulk pricing deal.  He offered McDowell one for $300 cash.  She countered with an offer of $180, and he accepted.

He opened his trunk, and gave her one of the many sealed FedEx boxes that were stacked in it.  Upon arriving at home and opening the box, this is what she found:

It was a piece of wood the approximate size of an IPad, spray painted black.  But, it had a white Apple logo spray painted on the back.  The "screen" was framed in black tape, with replicas of IPad icons for Safari, Mail, Photos and the IPod logo.  There was also what appeared to be a "Best Buy sales ticket" applied to what would have been the screen.

Why would con men go through such trouble for a simple "bait and switch" con?  Did they do it to add insult to injury?  Or were they really so stupid, that they thought they needed to put that much effort into the job to rip someone off?  Were all of those FedEx boxes in the trunk filled with "imitation" IPads?  This story is really a competition of who has the lower IQ.

My favorite part of the story-look at the left image above.  She actually tried to swipe the screen!

A Message To All Of My Feed Subscribers

Every now and then, I like to try out different feed readers to see how my blog appears.  Some look better than others.  Some give you more options than other ones do.

Anyway, I was experimenting with an RSS feed reading service the other day, and while testing it out, the top of the feed read:

"The Daily Twitch: How Balloon Animals Taught Me To Have Sex" 

Please...Please...PLEASE tell me that it hasn't been showing up this way for everyone for the last three years!!!  I can somewhat understand "The Daily Twitch" thing.  I have recently switched the name of my site, and it is possible that somehow the RSS settings are still linked to the old site and not the new one.  I may need to do some research there.

When it comes to the "balloon animal bestiality" thing, I'm at a loss.  The only thing I can think of is that I had a post of the same name, back in January of this year.  It was this funny little video of these condoms, blown up into balloon animals, doing it in different positions.  How it could of possibly become the TITLE OF MY FUCKING BLOG, I have no idea.

If this is showing up on the feed for any of  you, could you please shoot me an email?  My email is twitch@thetwitchonline.com.  Thank you.

Man Attacks Helicopter With Ax, 'Fulfilling Bible Prophecy'?

In "I couldn't make this up if I tried" news, an Australian man was arrested yesterday, after attacking an Army helicopter with an ax at a Queensland airport.  The helicopter, described as a Tiger helicopter, sustained damage after the barrage.

57 year old Bryan Law is currently in custody on charges of willful damage, trespassing and possession of a garden ax and bolt cutters.  He is reportedly part of a group that opposes a joint Australian-U.S. military exercise being conducted in the area.  

In regards to the attack, Law said, "In a new and symbolic way, I was fulfilling the ancient prophecy of Isaiah: 'They will beat their swords into ploughshares; their spears into pruning hooks."

I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the fulfillment of Isaiah's prophecy didn't involve beating the shit out of a helicopter with an ax.

Please Help, The Stupid Hurts

I just read an article on Boing Boing, stating that the fifth most popular Osama bin Laden related search on Yahoo on May first was, "Who is Osama bin Laden?".

Oh my fucking god!  Really?!?!?  Are you kidding me?!?!?!?  According to Yahoo 66% of the searches came from people between the ages of 13 and 17.  Two things about this statistic disturb me.  One, why haven't any of these kids been taught about bin Laden?  Second, I'm assuming that the other 33% of these people that are searching Yahoo are stupid fucking adults.

Here is a snapshot of Twitter that was taken yesterday.  Interesting side note:  on Sunday night, at the time that President Obama was making his announcement,  Twitter reported that their website was receiving 5116 Tweets a second.

Americans are getting dumber by the day.  I shudder to think of our Presidential options for 2024.  

Just Let It Die, Already

Earlier this morning, in an effort to get Donald Trump to shut the hell up, President Obama released his birth certificate to the media.

Let's just say, if the birthers are anything (besides dumbasses), they're consistent.  Within hours of the press conference, they were picking apart the document.  Although, some websites, such as Buzz Feed, were obviously making fun of their allegations, there are dozens of new conspiracy theories that have already sprung up since Obama's morning press conference.

Fox News Does The Impossible - Double Headdesk In 12 Hours

There are times when, as a network, Fox News creates more newsworthy stories themselves than the politicians they cover.  A study came out in December of 2010, showing that, out of all cable news networks, their viewers were the most "misinformed".  And by the looks of things, the network is doing nothing but encouraging it.  Between the hours of 8pm EST Monday and 8am EST Tuesday, they completed the unheard of Double Headdesk.  For those of you that don't know what a headdesk is, let me give you a visual example:

On Monday night, Fox News gathered a focus group of Republican voters in Iowa to discuss their thoughts on Bill O'Reilly's interview with the President the day before.  At one point in the discussion, a woman in the focus group says that she believes that the President's "religious beliefs govern his foreign policy".  When asked on what she feels his religious beliefs are, she says "Muslim".  Watch how the commentator responds:

The Fox News representative never stepped in and said, "He's Christian".  He never tried to correct them.  He aided in spreading what has amounted to a conspiracy theory on national television.  Headdesk.

Then this morning, Fox News put an online poll on their website concerning abortion.  The poll has since been taken off the site, but I was able to get a copy of it from another blog:

What's wrong with this poll?  If I select not sure, I'm pro-life.  If I select yes, I'm pro-life.  And, if I select no, I am still pro-life.  There are absolutely no pro-choice options on a poll about banning abortion.    You might as well just have one question on the poll.  Headdesk.

I wanted to add this additional video.  It's not a headdesk moment, because it should have been expected.  During O'Reilly's interview with Mr. Obama, he interrupted the President 48 times.  48 times!  Sure, you come to expect this when you are watching his show on Fox News and he has an invited guest, but this is the President of the United States.  How disrespectful.  Talk about an asshole.

Looks like Fox News is having one hell of a February.