The Best Black Friday Deal Of 2013

There has been quite a bit of controversy this year, due to a large number of retailers starting their Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving night.  Walmart, JC Penney, Best Buy, Target, Michaels, Macy's, and many other chains are opening their doors on Thanksgiving, and requiring their employees to work on a day that is meant to be spent with family.

I have found a way to not only avoid doing any shopping on the holiday, but avoid the stampedes on Friday morning, as well.  Best of all, I guarantee that you'll spend less than anyone else on the block.

Give the gift that keeps on giving.  Online piracy.

The Pirate Bay has all of the best deals this winter.  For example, the Elysium Blu-Ray (which isn't released in stores until December 17th) for free. A blu-ray of The Wolverine (releasing December 3rd) for practically absolutely nothing. And Despicable Me 2 in 3D for three easy installments of jack shit.

Prefer a classic?  How about Song of the South, the 1946 Disney movie that has been locked up in the vault longer than Charlie Manson?

Have books on your Christmas list?  Try a Kindle version of Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half.

Why wake yourself up at two in the morning, just to bludgen an old lady with no teeth, so that you come home with a waffle iron?  Let's face it.  How many times is Sally going to be making waffles, anyway?  Sleep in this year.  Let your modem do all of the work.  You won't regret it.

The Pope's Tweets

As some of you may know, Pope Benedict XVI sent his first tweet last week from his official Twitter account.  The Vatican is trying to get the pontiff involved in social media to make him appear up-to-date to Catholics in the 21st century.  How 140 characters can make an 84 year old celibate priest come across as "modern" I'll never know.  But I digress...

Paul Rudnick has an article in next week's New Yorker magazine detailing some of the more amusing tweets from God's "Right Hand Man":

"During a papal audience, I put folks at ease by asking, “Are you gay?” Then I say, “Kidding!” Then I go, “No, seriously, are you gay?” 

"It’s hard to tell all the cardinals apart, so sometimes I put different dinosaur stickers on their backs."

  

"Certain Christians think that they have to attend church only on Christmas and Easter, and I have a word for those people: lucky."

"Whenever people doubt that angels are real, I ask them, “Excuse me, but have you seen the Jonas Brothers in concert?”

"Every day I offer up a special prayer for the entire Kardashian family, but the next morning they’re always still alive."

And my personal favorite...

"Nancy Grace: perfect name for a gay Pope?"

Michele Bachmann's New Campaign Song

Brought to you by The Drive-By Christian Broadcasting Network School of Law for Fundamentalist Government Infiltration.  Hilarious.