I was on my way back to my in-laws house, with a back seat full of supplies taken from my mold infested home, and I heard this song on the radio. Driving away from the house that I should have been sleeping at, and driving to a home that is not mine, where I feel like a guest, made this song feel very poignant at the time. It was as if it were inserted into a soundtrack for this moment in my life.
The song is called 'I And Love And You' by The Avett Brothers. It has been out for a few months, from what I can tell, but tonight was the first time I have heard the song. Here is their video:
This recent illness is trying me. I am broken. I don't know how, or if, I can put myself back together. And on that happy note......
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Update On "When It Rains"
I went to my neurologist and my psychiatrist. They both agreed...I am not schizophrenic. There have been a couple of common threads regarding my hallucinations that have been noticed by the doctors. They have all occurred in the evening, and they have all occurred in the bedroom or while I was in bed.
That being said, they think they are hallucinations that are happening because I am starting my dreams while I am still awake. My sleep has been so fragmented lately, that I have not been able to get a full night's sleep like I would like to.
While relieved, I long for some righteous sleep. I have had sleepless nights since October. Don't know why. But sleep would be nice.
That being said, they think they are hallucinations that are happening because I am starting my dreams while I am still awake. My sleep has been so fragmented lately, that I have not been able to get a full night's sleep like I would like to.
While relieved, I long for some righteous sleep. I have had sleepless nights since October. Don't know why. But sleep would be nice.
Death Watch...Week Three
That's right, people. I'm still sick. Went to the ER on Sunday night, in fact. Nothing says "Oscar party" like Superman pajama shorts and a barf bag.
Anyway, now I've been diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection. This, after being diagnosed as having H1N1, then bronchitis. I have been given Tamiflu, antibiotics, steroids and various over the counter medications. I am still sick. The only difference between today and how I felt when this started three weeks ago is the absence of body aches. I have since developed a burning sensation in my lungs. I am coughing up a foamy, egg white like material. I can't stop coughing. And, with all of the drugs I've taken, I SHOULD BE HEALED.
Here's one possibility. We have mold in our house. Whether it's toxic or not, we don't know. We have to let the test incubate for another 48 hours or so to let the mold grow. Then, we can send our tests to an independent lab to get a result back to let us know if it is toxic black mold or not. In the meantime, my wife's parents are wonderful enough to allow us to stay in their home.
If we do have mold, I don't know what we are going to do. The only real way to get better is to get yourself out of the environment. To be honest, since staying at mom and dad's, we have been feeling a little better. But it's hard to tell if that is because of us being taken out of a toxic environment or because of the litany of drugs floating in our system currently.
I will keep you all posted. If I die, I will be sure to have the executor of my estate put the cause of death on the blog. Finally, it may put this mystery to an end. I'M JOKING OF COURSE.
Anyway, now I've been diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection. This, after being diagnosed as having H1N1, then bronchitis. I have been given Tamiflu, antibiotics, steroids and various over the counter medications. I am still sick. The only difference between today and how I felt when this started three weeks ago is the absence of body aches. I have since developed a burning sensation in my lungs. I am coughing up a foamy, egg white like material. I can't stop coughing. And, with all of the drugs I've taken, I SHOULD BE HEALED.
Here's one possibility. We have mold in our house. Whether it's toxic or not, we don't know. We have to let the test incubate for another 48 hours or so to let the mold grow. Then, we can send our tests to an independent lab to get a result back to let us know if it is toxic black mold or not. In the meantime, my wife's parents are wonderful enough to allow us to stay in their home.
If we do have mold, I don't know what we are going to do. The only real way to get better is to get yourself out of the environment. To be honest, since staying at mom and dad's, we have been feeling a little better. But it's hard to tell if that is because of us being taken out of a toxic environment or because of the litany of drugs floating in our system currently.
I will keep you all posted. If I die, I will be sure to have the executor of my estate put the cause of death on the blog. Finally, it may put this mystery to an end. I'M JOKING OF COURSE.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
When It Rains?
I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, but, I've had some things happen recently that have made me question my sanity. It all started about a month ago. I started to have some hallucinations. I told my therapists about it, but they thought it was probably neurological and something I should see my neurologist about.
I would see possums and raccoons in my bedroom at night. I knew they weren't real, simply because possums and raccoons don't live in this part of the country. I would also see a homeless woman. My hallucination of her would be so real, that once I almost confronted her. She came into the bedroom and startled me. I got up from the chair I was sitting in, and almost started to scream at her. I realized once I stood up and started to charge that she didn't exist. That instance really scared me. Again, my therapists didn't think much of it.
I have also had some instances where I didn't feel like I was myself. I know this probably doesn't make sense, but, I thought I was my father. If my wife would have called my name at the time, I wouldn't have responded. I would have responded to my father's name though. It doesn't make sense to me either. This has been happening to me on a regular basis for a couple of months.
Last night really took the cake. Granted, I was taking Robutussin with Codeine for this cough I have been having with my flu. I'm not sure if that had a hand in what happened or not. My head has been quite cloudy for the last few days anyway. We had just finished watching TV, and the "noise" in my head was seriously loud. I told my wife that "I just couldn't take it anymore and was going to bed", not realizing that it was in my head and not outside noise.
I laid down in bed. My immediate thoughts were, "Oh my God. They've been kidnapped. We have to do something. What are we going to do? What are we going to do?" I didn't realize I was freaking out about people that I had just seen on the TV show. They weren't real. They were fictional. I was trying to figure out how to save characters on a TV show...and it was almost bringing me to tears.
Two hours later, I laid down to go to bed for the night. I was laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. I suddenly felt like I was standing. I coughed, and, I thought, knelt. It was sunny outside. A voice called out to me in Spanish. I understood what he said though. He said, "You may stumble along the road many times in life. I am the only one that can lift you up." It was Jesus. Jesus spoke to me. In Spanish. He then told me to go to Joint Fellowship Christian Center on Bell Road in Phoenix. It was as if I had received a vision. I was doubtful. I am Atheist after all.
I immediately Googled Joint Fellowship Christian Center. It doesn't exist. If it did, I would consider it a vision. Since it doesn't, I am afraid it may be schizophrenia. So, I was supposed to have a psych appointment today that I had rescheduled to the 23rd since I was still sick. I'm now trying to get in on a cancellation. Like I said, I may be jumping the gun, but if it is schizophrenia, talk about a trifecta; to have Tourette's, PTSD and schizophrenia. I don't think I would have any trouble with the SS at this point. I will keep you all posted. Wish me luck.
I would see possums and raccoons in my bedroom at night. I knew they weren't real, simply because possums and raccoons don't live in this part of the country. I would also see a homeless woman. My hallucination of her would be so real, that once I almost confronted her. She came into the bedroom and startled me. I got up from the chair I was sitting in, and almost started to scream at her. I realized once I stood up and started to charge that she didn't exist. That instance really scared me. Again, my therapists didn't think much of it.
I have also had some instances where I didn't feel like I was myself. I know this probably doesn't make sense, but, I thought I was my father. If my wife would have called my name at the time, I wouldn't have responded. I would have responded to my father's name though. It doesn't make sense to me either. This has been happening to me on a regular basis for a couple of months.
Last night really took the cake. Granted, I was taking Robutussin with Codeine for this cough I have been having with my flu. I'm not sure if that had a hand in what happened or not. My head has been quite cloudy for the last few days anyway. We had just finished watching TV, and the "noise" in my head was seriously loud. I told my wife that "I just couldn't take it anymore and was going to bed", not realizing that it was in my head and not outside noise.
I laid down in bed. My immediate thoughts were, "Oh my God. They've been kidnapped. We have to do something. What are we going to do? What are we going to do?" I didn't realize I was freaking out about people that I had just seen on the TV show. They weren't real. They were fictional. I was trying to figure out how to save characters on a TV show...and it was almost bringing me to tears.
Two hours later, I laid down to go to bed for the night. I was laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. I suddenly felt like I was standing. I coughed, and, I thought, knelt. It was sunny outside. A voice called out to me in Spanish. I understood what he said though. He said, "You may stumble along the road many times in life. I am the only one that can lift you up." It was Jesus. Jesus spoke to me. In Spanish. He then told me to go to Joint Fellowship Christian Center on Bell Road in Phoenix. It was as if I had received a vision. I was doubtful. I am Atheist after all.
I immediately Googled Joint Fellowship Christian Center. It doesn't exist. If it did, I would consider it a vision. Since it doesn't, I am afraid it may be schizophrenia. So, I was supposed to have a psych appointment today that I had rescheduled to the 23rd since I was still sick. I'm now trying to get in on a cancellation. Like I said, I may be jumping the gun, but if it is schizophrenia, talk about a trifecta; to have Tourette's, PTSD and schizophrenia. I don't think I would have any trouble with the SS at this point. I will keep you all posted. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
New Gorillaz Video
"Stylo", just debuted, from the new 'Plastic Beach' album, due later this month. I like it. As always, with a reinvented sound, but unmistakably Gorillaz, and, with a trippy video featuring Bruce Willis. Enjoy:
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
This Week In Cool Video
OK Go, the pioneers in DIY music video, came out with a new one recently. It's entitled, 'This Too Shall Pass', which is sort of fitting considering I'm still sick. One of the coolest Rube Goldberg videos I have seen in quite a while. Give it a look:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
