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Friday, December 30, 2011

"What Are You Doing New Years Eve?" (Video)

So, what are your plans?

Staying home?  Going out?  Have a sitter this year?  Leave a comment and let me know.

As for the Twitch family, we're going to enjoy our new place.  We're inviting over a few friends (which is something we weren't able to do with our old one bedroom apartment).  Keeping it small, quiet and simple.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Hitler, John Boehner And Pirates

"Name Prince Harry's last three Halloween costumes."

Some Johnny Carson humor (for those of you over the age of 35).

If you use the internet, you need to be aware of SOPA, the Stop Online Piracy Act.  It's currently being debated in the House of Representatives.  It passed the House Judiciary Committee earlier this month, and is expected to pass the House with strong support within the next couple of months.

SOPA will essentially bring online censorship to a level seen currently in China or Iran.  That isn't an exaggeration.  The day to day online experience as you know it will cease to exist.

Let me give you an example.  Here is a video of my daughter dancing our living room last night:

In the background of the video, 'Across the Universe' was playing.  It was originally recorded by The Beatles, but in this case, was being sung by Rufus Wainwright.

If SOPA passes, Sony Music, the label that owns the rights to The Beatles catalogue, could approach YouTube calling for the removal of the video.  All it would take would be an email.  YouTube would be forced to remove it.  Also, by embedding the video on this post, they could, if they desired, send an email to Go Daddy, the company hosting my website, claiming copyright infringement.  Under the articles of SOPA, Go Daddy would be forced to shut down my website.  Completely wipe it from existence.

Not because of a court order from a judge.  Not due to a notice from the F.B.I. or any local law enforcement.  But from a single email message from someone claiming they hold a copyright on material I am displaying on my website.  They do not need to show any proof of ownership.  I do not have the opportunity to remove the material in question.  'The Twitch Online' simply ceases to exist.  Years of work for nothing.  No record that it was even there to begin with.

How does this effect you?

Think about it.  The sites you visit every day - YouTube, Facebook, Google and Wikipedia, just to name a few.  All of them will either disappear or change in such a way that they will become practically unrecognizable.

And, in the end, is this new legislation really going to stop anyone from downloading a shitty CD in order to avoid paying $13.99 for it at Target.  If people have the motivation to pirate (lack of selection/price), they're going to find a way to do so.

Another casualty of SOPA will be the internet meme.  One of my personal favorites is the "Hitler finds out about _____".  If SOPA is enacted, that too will be gone.  The clip is taken from the 2004 German film 'Downfall'.  The video, while extremely funny, is surprisingly accurate and educational.

So, what can you do about this.  Get involved.  Contact your Congressman.  You can go to right now to be directed to the offices of your local representative.  At the site, you can also sign a petition being sent to the state department, and send an email to Congress asking that SOPA not pass.  So far, more than 780,000 people have done so.

If this bill would have passed a decade ago, think about how different your life would have been.  If this bill passes in 2012, think about how different the internet will be for your children.  The internet was never intended to be policed to such a degree.  If the U.S. government can tell us what we can and can't say, watch or listen to online, what's next?

Was George Orwell just off by 30 years? 

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Quote Of The Day

“Every barrel of oil that comes out of those sands in Canada is a barrel of oil that we don’t have to buy from a foreign source."
 - Rick Perry, speaking at a campaign stop in Clarinda, Iowa

And the home schooled crowd went wild...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

In Memoriam: Bands We Lost In 2011 (Video)

In the spirit of the montage we have become accustomed to seeing during Oscar telecasts, stereogum has made a video of the bands that have broken up over the course of the year.

As with the awards show "In Memoriam" segments, there's the sporadic swell in applause.  There are the occasional superstar/A-List bands, scattered amongst the sea of bands that 98% of people have never heard of (unless there is a true fan out there).  The clip even features a couple of moments that catch you off guard, just like the Emmys do every goddamn year.

"Oh my god...LCD Soundsystem broke up?!?"

It's really quite clever.  Take a look.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Mashup Monday - 'Good Feeling'

For my final "Mashup Monday" post of 2011, logic would say to feature DJ Earworm's annual United State of Pop mashup.  It's where he takes the 25 biggest hits of the year and mashes them together.  Truth is:  Other than Adele's '21', pop music sounded like utter shit.

Instead, I thought I would share the latest track from Norwegian Recycling.  He debuted it last Tuesday night.  Called 'Good Feeling', it incorporates elements of the following tunes:
  • Katy Perry - 'The One That Got Away
  • Coldplay - Fix You
  • David Guerra w/ Usher - Without You
  • AVICII - Levels
  • Black Eyed Peas - The Time
  • Britney Spears - Hold It Against Me
  • Britney Spears - Till The World Ends
  • Bryan Adams - Summer of '69
  • Chris Brown - Yeah 3X
It's not the best mashup in his catalogue, but still a great song.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Word Of The Day: "Hitchling"

From the Urban Dictionary:

Jessi and I are, without a doubt, raising a hitchling.  We are so proud.

The Most Ineffective Advertisement Ever

I'm told there is a bottle of alcohol somewhere in the photograph.  I'm not seeing it.

Is it wrong that when I see Christina Hendricks, I make the same noise that Homer Simpson does when he's around donuts?

Guess Who...

The following photo was tweeted by a famous bearded musician last Wednesday:

Can you guess who it is?

More info on this freshly shorn singer after the break.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Twitch's Sunday Comics

"War Is Over...If You Want It"

The last contingent of American troops left Iraqi soil earlier this morning.

This Christmas, tens of thousands of families will be able to spend the holidays with their loved ones, instead of having them fighting a war overseas.  Mothers will be home to tuck their children into bed on Christmas Eve, and fathers will be there to open presents the following morning.

A myriad of gifts will be opened a week from today, but to many kids in this country, the greatest gift of all will be to have mommy or daddy home.

I thought this song was especially fitting given the situation.

**The following is the official video of the song.  It includes some disturbing images of war, which may be unsettling to some people.  While I could have found an alternate video for the tune, I think that this does a great job at representing the fact that, with human nature, while one armed conflict may be ending, it's only a matter of time before the world finds itself involved in another.**

Welcome home, servicemen and women.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Photos Leaked (NSFW)

The Playboy magazine featuring Lindsay Lohan was scheduled to be released mid-January.  However, a number of websites, most notably Drunken Stepfather, leaked the entire series of photographs on Saturday afternoon.  Hugh Hefner has announced that he may be putting the issue on shelves next week, in order to keep from it being a total loss for the publishing empire.

Completely unrecognizable.  I thought it was a blond Anne Hathaway.

It is reported that Lohan received $1 million for posing nude in the magazine.  In return, a "source close to Playboy" told TMZ that they would be getting the "holy trifecta"..."boobs, ass and vag".

Lies.  Lies.  ALL LIES!!

Not only did readers not get the "holy trifecta", but Lindsay is so Photoshopped, that between the ten photos in the magazine, it looks like there are three different women posing.

Save your $5.99.

View the entire series of pictures, uncensored, directly from the pages of Playboy, after the break:

Monday, December 5, 2011

Elijah Sets Michele Bachmann Straight

What an awesome kid.  In case you couldn't hear him, he said, "My mommy's gay, but she doesn't need fixing."

He's eight years old.

Right on, Elijah.

The Epitome Of Trolling

The protesters of Occupy Melbourne are not allowed to set up tents in Flagstaff Gardens, the park where they have been demonstrating for the last few weeks.  Every time they attempt to, Melbourne police immediately come in and force them to take them down.  Watch what happened Saturday afternoon.  It's mayhem at it's best.

Headline Of The Day

Sometimes, the truth is comical all by itself.  Good riddance.

"The Atheist Bitchslap"

Kate Smurthwaite is a stand up comic and political activist.  Watch as she obliterates her religious counterparts on a British television program.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

We're Moving!!!

Oh.  And, that isn't me singing.  I just couldn't find the original intro on YouTube.

We signed the paperwork on a new apartment yesterday.  We move Christmas weekend.

Why the rush?

Long story short, living in this complex has become unbearable.  We first moved here about a year and a half ago.  We were trying to save some money, so we moved into a one bedroom apartment.  Lennon has a bed where the dining room should be.  It's tight, but, for the most part, it works.

Little did we know, that our next door neighbor was a whore.  I'm not just calling her that.  She was a bona-fide escort.  Every 45 minutes, between 9PM and 5AM, a different gentleman would be coming up the stairs. Generally, we wouldn't have an issue with that, except for the fact that we had a two year old.  And, occasionally, her pimp would kick in her door and beat her.  She eventually got evicted, after the police were called to her place six times in the course of 72 hours.  Good times.

Then, last Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, I'm on my way to pick Jessi up at work and I call our neighbor who is watching Lennon.  She lives about thirty feet down the sidewalk from us. The neighbors to her left got in a fight and the female in the apartment was thrown down the stairs.  Cops were called.  Neither of them have been seen since.  I have a feeling they're both still in jail.

Then, Thursday afternoon, the apartments to our babysitter's right get moved into.  They're halfway houses for mental patients.  The residents have signs around their necks saying something to the effect of  "Please don't look me in the eye.  Don't touch me.  Don't talk to me.  I'm mentally unstable."


There are a team of nurses visiting these people every three hours.  Also, there is another bank of apartments rented out to the same facility immediately next to the complex's playground.

Don't get me wrong.  I understand that people with mental issues have to live somewhere, too.  Hell, I have mental issues.  But, if someone is so mentally incapacitated that a team of three nurses are visiting every three hours...on the clock...then shouldn't they be somewhere else?  Is my three year old daughter really safe in this complex any longer?

It's time to go.

We found a very lovely two bedroom apartment in a great neighborhood.  You know it's a good neighborhood if there isn't a 7/11, a Church's Chicken, a Popeye's, or a Walmart within five miles.  We're increasing our square footage by almost 500 square feet.  Tons of storage space.  We now have two bathrooms (Thank you baby Jesus).  Ceiling fans in the bedrooms.  Covered parking.   It's a corner unit in the back of the property, so we'll have a lot of privacy.  Most importantly, for me anyway, it's on the first floor.  The complex sits in probably the best school district in the Phoenix area, so Lennon will be able to go to one of the top elementary schools in town.  Best of all, we're only looking at a little more than a hundred dollars a month than what we're paying for rent, now.'s only a mile away from where Jessi's work will be moving to early next year.

It's perfect for us.  In every way possible.

With that said, what is everyone doing on the weekend of the 23rd?  Could I interest you in some pizza and egg nog?  

The Most Difficult Four And A Half Minutes Of Video You'll See Today

This is Jonah.

This is a video that he posted on YouTube in August.

He's entering eighth grade this year.

He has been continually bullied since the first grade.

Parents, it is of the utmost importance that you have an active role in your child's life.  There are hundreds of thousands of children just like Jonah.  Get involved.  Talk to school administrators.  Petition the school board for tougher regulations on bullying.  This isn't just an issue with gay kids.  Just last month, a 10 year old Illinois girl committed suicide after bullies continually taunted her; calling her "fat" and "ugly".

If your kid is the subject of bullying, get them into a structured therapy program.  As someone that was preyed upon regularly for more than a decade by their schoolmates, I can tell you that the trauma has long term effects.  The depression and lack of self worth last many times well into adulthood.  Therapy helps to break the cycle of being the victim.

Lastly, if you are reading this, do me a personal favor:  go to the YouTube link for Jonah's video and leave him a message of encouragement.  He needs a friend right now.  

Thursday, December 1, 2011

You Can't Say She Didn't Try

We have a rule in our family:  If it makes mommy and daddy laugh, the kid doesn't get punished.  This little girl would have been let off the hook.  No problem.

There's A Reason Why They're Virgins

You may have seen a snippet of the commercial from the new TLC program called 'Virgin Diaries'.  If not, brace yourself.

"First comes love.  Then comes marriage.  Then comes Oh my god.  What are you doing to that lady's face?"  The 'Jersey Shore' officially got one upped in their bid as the most disturbing reality show on television.  How is any of this appropriate for a wedding?  Could they be any more detached from reality?  Other than this guy, perhaps?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when children are not properly taught sex education.  It's obvious they have no clue as to what they're doing.  They don't even know how to kiss.  Look at them!  When it comes to the bedroom, the vast majority of these couples are not going to be using any contraception.  They have no information on the importance of using birth control.

In three weeks, the couple will be on their way to their first child, and then we're looking at the Duggar's, version 2.0.  It's disturbing, to say the least.

Dear lord.  This reminds me of so many Witness weddings I attended as a teenager.