Why Jehovah's Witnesses Are Drawn To The Muppets

For a lot of you, I'm going to ruin 'The Muppet Show', and for that, I apologize.

About 20 years ago, an old Witness friend told me about this.  He said there were days when it was the only thing to get him through the day at Bethel.

Did you know that the lyrics of Kingdom Melody #117, 'Marriage - God's Arrangement', match up perfectly with 'The Muppet Show' theme song?  It does....and it's GLORIOUS.

I thought I would have a little fun, and added new lyrics to a video of 'The Muppet Show' opening.  Enjoy.

Quote Of The Day

"Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly 'on my side' who called you names like sodomite—or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine."

- Alan Chambers in an apology to the LGBTQ community.

Chambers is the head of Exodus International, the most recognized "ex-gay" organization in the world.  With the apology, came the announcement that Exodus would be closing their doors permanently as of yesterday.  Founded in 1976, Exodus had 100 office locations within the U.S. at its peak, and over 150 locations worldwide.  They were the leaders in so-called "reparative therapy", the belief that gay and lesbian people could become straight with the help of god.

In the last 12 months, Chambers has changed his position on a number of issues involving Exodus and the LGBTQ community.  He was an ardent supporter of the "ex-gay" movement, citing himself as an example of its success.  In recent months, he's said that he doesn't consider himself gay, yet he doesn't think of himself as heterosexual.  He stated that he was confused about his own sexual identity.  He has questioned whether reparative therapy is effective, and, as we can see, has realized how much damage him and his movement has done in this world.

A documentary will be airing tonight on OWN at 10PM, focusing on the "ex-gay" community and Alan Chambers in particular.  I'm expecting to see a couple of bombshells being revealed.

......Aaaaaaaand It's Gone

It's two in the afternoon.  I haven't passed out yet.  Guess it's a good day.

I've been having an issue with chronic fatigue in recent weeks.  I generally am up and going between 9 and 10AM.  On most days, anywhere between 4 and 6PM, my body literally shuts down.  Within a matter of minutes, I go from wide awake to having to force my eyes open.  If I don't lay down, the room starts to spin.  The walls go wavy.  It's scary.

I discovered a couple of days ago that I was accidentally taking one medication, thinking it was another.  Instead of taking Pilocarpine, which helps me generate saliva, I was taking two EXTRA Proplanalol a day.  I can't remember offhand what Proplanalol does, but it's used as a blood pressure medicine.  I'm also taking Lisinopril and Clonodine, which are also blood pressure medications.  The Clonodine helps with my Tourette's, and can work as a pain reliever when coupled with the Lyrica I'm taking.  So...long story short (too late), I was taking a total of seven doses of three different blood pressure medications daily.  It's a wonder I didn't die in my sleep.

When you're taking (not including any ibuprofen or pain medication) four dozen pills every day, it's easy to get confused.

Not pictured:  Black tar heroin and the crushed Aderall that I snort in the morning.  ;)

If you told me as a kid that I'd be doing thousands of dollars each month of drugs, I wouldn't picture it like this.  It could always be worse, I guess.  Things have been worse.  I shouldn't complain.

My Book Of BS, Chapter 1 - God Violates The Laws Of Physics

"And the Lord said, "Fuck science". - Genesis 1:12

We Can Dance...If We Want To

I'm a sucker for good editing.  And, this video is second to none.  Incorporating dancing scenes from 77 different films, all synced in beat to Men Without Hats' 'Safety Dance'.  If this doesn't make you smile, nothing will.

The Hostess With The Moses...

GIF Of The Day - Oh Boy, I Can't Decide

Excited Spanky, or the drama llama?  I can't make up my mind.  I have laughed at both of these GIFs for the last couple of weeks.  If you ever need a pick-me-up, bookmark this page.

Are You That Somebody That I Used To Know?

One of the better mashups that I've heard in a while.  Never would have thought that Aaliyah and Gotye would match up so well.

GIF Of The Day - Ken Jeong Illin'

Did you know that Ken Jeong, of 'Community' and 'The Hangover' fame, was a practicing medical doctor before he started acting?  He reportedly made $5 million for his role in 'The Hangover Part III'.  Pretty smart career move...

Leave Kim Kardashian's Fat Armpits Alone

Do magazines have to resort to this in order to sell issues?

Yes, she gained a few pounds during her pregnancy.  Who doesn't?  Granted, she wore upholstery fabric to the Met Gala.  Probably not the best decision.  But, then again, Kardashians aren't exactly known for making good decisions. Just look at the jackass who's fathering the baby.

But I digress...  Is it really necessary to embarrass a celebrity on the cover of a magazine, because she got "fat" during her pregnancy?   Is that really the best message to be sending to your readers?  You're telling 240 pound housewives that someone will "never be sexy again", because they hit 220 pounds during pregnancy. 

Keep it classy, In Touch magazine...

Cover Song Of The Day - Teardrop

I can't think of how to explain this clip.  Just watch.

My Book Of Bible Stories...Remixed

It was the first book I remember reading as a kid, and the only book I had until probably a couple of years into elementary school.  Over time, the ink on the pages had faded, after years of abuse.  The spine and cover had long disappeared.  In fact, I don't know of a single kid that didn't lose the book's cover at some point.

It was the first book that I was able to read on my own.  My mother used it to teach me how to read.  It was also the tool she used to indoctrinate and brainwash her children.  That ugly yellow book...

35 years later, a group of former Witnesses have taken it upon themselves to rewrite some of their least favorite chapters in 'My Book of Bible Stories'.  They've named it 'My Book of BS', because, let's face it, it's all bullshit. 

While a subreddit was created to post these rebooted Bible stories, I thought it would be fun to share the stories in the order they're printed in the original book.  I'll post a new BS story every few days, for the next couple of weeks.  Hopefully, we can all have a couple of laughs and bring back a good memory or two. 

From the Reddit page:

My Book of Bible Stories is a children's book published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society (the organization that rules over Jehovah's Witnesses).

It was designed to make the loathsome stories in the Bible as kid-friendly as possible. The art contained in it was notoriously horrible and the pandering language unintentionally hilarious.

This subreddit was created to rewrite the stories to make them more accurately reflect the truth according to normal modern sensibilities about the backwards, barbaric nature of much of the Bible... and to have a few laughs.

Today, we'll start with an introduction....

 

Cover Song Of The Day - No Diggity....No Doubt

One of my favorite performances in the last few months.  Ed Sheeran and Mike Rosenberg (aka Passenger) doing a mashup cover of Blackstreet's 'No Diggity' and Macklemore's 'Thrift Shop'.  I love Passenger's vocals.  Highly recommend their most recent album.

GIF Of The Day - Booter And Ole

Paula Deen is coming out with her own line of flavored butters.  Of course she is...

 

I'm going out on a limb, here.  But, I have a feeling it will only be available at Walmart.  Come to think of it, I believe that all packages of butter at Walmart are required to have Paula Deen's face on it.  God Bless America...

 

I Love You, You Know...

I was Philip as a kid.  Looking back, it's no wonder my folks beat me so much.  Ha ha ha.