The Only Word That Comes To Mind Is "De-Evolution"

It appears that over the last 6-9 months, my brain has taken a rapid deterioration compared to how I used to function. It's almost as if I have taken a step 30 years backward, or 40 years forward.

I get lost in the grocery store. I forget my wife's and daughter's names sometimes. As I have stated in previous blog postings(see 10/10/09), I have trouble associating words with objects or places. It's almost as if I have Alzheimer's at the age of 34. I don't know if that is normal for people with PTSD, but it is frustrating as all hell.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I used to be a genius. My communication skills and multitasking abilities were second to none. I can't even put mayo on a ham sandwich now. If I'm rinsing a dish in the sink, and my wife asks me a question, I have to put down the dish, and turn off the water to answer the question. Then it usually takes between two to three minutes for me to remember what I was doing before the question was asked. Yesterday, I was on a website, and the site was telling me to hit a button that said "OK" to continue. My wife and daughter were in the room, making noise in the background. I read the instructions on the computer close to twenty times before asking my wife and daughter to leave the room so I could concentrate on what I was doing. All I had to do was click "OK", and I had to have complete silence in the room so I could read the instructions for the twenty first time.

Without my wife reminding me, most days, I forget to eat. I forget to shower, to shave, to take my pills, to even drink water sometimes. Many days, when I do attempt to make a meal, I am so indecisive, my wife practically has to tell me what to eat. I don't know what I'm hungry for. In fact, I don't even realize what I am feeling is hunger.

And, to top it all off, my brain has turned me into a ventriloquist's dummy. Remember my previous post where I spontaneously started talking like Matthew McConaughey? (see 09/21/09) Well, it's still happening. Not too frequently, but ol' Matt has company. I now am speaking in an authentic Northern Irish accent on a regular basis, for extended periods of time. This is happening unannounced, and out of my control. I'm even using phrases like "da'" instead of dad. It sounds so genuine, you would think I was in the IRA. I have no idea how, or why, this is happening. And, just as soon as it starts, it stops.

My only fear is that what has started will not be able to reverse itself, but only get worse. This song seems to fit right now. I have to keep telling myself "I'm just a little unwell....."