Stefon Suggests A Place To Take Mom For Brunch

From last night's SNL.



Bill Hader has created, hands down, the funniest gay character in the history of television.

The First Mother's Day I Celebrated

Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Mother's Day.  Don't ask me why.  Some believe it has it's roots in "Pagan" rituals.  Others believe that setting aside a day to thank your mother for everything that she does takes away time that should be for thanking god, thus making it "idol worship".  I know.  Pretty ridiculous, right?  So, my entire life, I have never celebrated Mother's Day.  I've never given my mom a card or flowers.  I have never taken her out for breakfast on the second Sunday in May.

All of that changed for me three years ago.  As 12:00AM Mother's Day, 2008, approached, my wife was approximately a little over 50 hours into labor.  We had checked into the Women's Hospital in Albuquerque just before 10:00PM on Thursday night, and, between the two of us, had gotten maybe an hour of sleep between then and now.  We had seen probably 20 episodes of 'The X-Files' by then.  We really weren't fans of the show, but overnight, that, and 'The Chronicles of Riddick' were the only two things that were on TV.

At about 1:00AM, my wife's heartbeat started to flutter.  They sent in a tech to compete an EKG.  At this point, she already had probably a dozen wires and tubes hooked up to her.  The tech had a difficult time trying to figure out how to get around everything and get to her chest with her hospital gown tied up the way that it was.  He was a little inexperienced, to say the least.  Finally, he realized that the arm holes unsnapped and pulled away, so he unsnapped the three buttons on the arm and pulled the right side of the gown away to expose my wife's cleavage.

"Niiiiiiice."

He then demonstrated how the word "dude" can be a stand alone sentence, yet mean a number of different things.

"Dude!" (You misunderstood me.  I was not saying, "Nice cleavage."  I was saying, "It's nice that I found a way to access the area for the procedure.")

"Dude." (I am so sorry, sir.  I was not making a pass at your wife.)

"Dude." (Please do not kick my ass.)

"Dude?" (Are we cool?)

Three hours later, at 4:35AM, our daughter was born.  It was the best Mother's Day present my wife could have.  It sure beat any Hallmark card or any bouquet of flowers I could have given her.  In case you were wondering, I still gave her a card.  

My wife had a rough delivery.  I couldn't have been more proud of her.  She was stronger than I ever would have imagined.  Since her water broke almost 48 hours earlier, she had developed an infection.  Our daughter was also born with pneumonia.  My little girl was in the NICU for 8 days, while my wife was hospitalized for 3 days following the delivery.  Unfortunately, she was not able to see Lennon until the following day.  The nurses in the NICU took Lennon's picture and had it framed as a Mother's Day present for my wife.  Looking back at the photo today, it's hard to imagine that our little girl is the same one that was hooked up to the monitors under the blue lamps.  That today, she's walking up to everyone in the house, hugging them, and saying, "Happy Mother's Day".  Wow.  Has it been three years already?

Mother's Day will always hold a special place in my heart.  Oddly enough, for the rest of my life, when I think of that day, my own mother will likely be the last woman I think of...if I even think of her at all.

World Net Daily Asks: Are Christians Being Picked On?

World Net Daily, the ultra conservative, evangelical, Christian right news site has a history of pandering to a targeted demographic of reader.  Even after President Obama furnished his long form birth certificate, the site continued to suggest the "birther" conspiracy theory.

Previous articles on the website have reported such nonsense as that a new trend is that gay parents are selectively aborting heterosexual fetuses, and that gays and Muslims are trying to infiltrate the Republican party.  Let's just say, the website is an acquired taste.  According to their site, they receive 40 million views and 5 million unique visitors per month, so somebody out there is reading what they're saying.

This morning, they printed an online survey asking, "Do you believe U.S. Christians are being persecuted?".  So far, 94% say YES.  3% say MAYBE.

According to Wikipedia, 76% of the American population is Christian.  How can the overwhelming majority of a country's residents feel threatened or terrorized by the minority.  Doesn't it work the other way around?

Mother's Day Love...Literally

Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg remind us what Mother's day is all about:  loving your mother.  Or, in their case, loving their best friend's mother.

**Video contains adult language and is NSFW**

My Favorite Mother's Day Song

Well, OK.  Maybe it's not a Mother's Day song per se.  But, it is the only song that I've thought of on Mother's Day since 1988.

Happy Mothers' Day From The Daily Twitch

She knows what I'm talking about...

Smells Like Miley Cyrus

I am a child of the 80s, but I grew up in the 90s.  That being said, Nirvana had a huge influence on my life in my late teens and early twenties.

I guess Kurt Cobain had an influence on Miley Cyrus' life too.  At least, that's what she told a crowd in Quito, Ecuador, last week.  She starts to speaks to the screaming crowd.  Interesting fact about Ecuador:  the official language is Spanish.  There are actually 22 languages spoken within the country itself, none of which are English. Anyway, she's blathering on, in English, about how she's become such an inspiration to so many girls around the world, so it's only fitting that she sings a song that inspired her to get into music.

Oh, and she used to sing this song to her brother when he was a baby.

~cue 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'

I'm not expecting you to watch the whole video.  Hell, I'm not expecting you to watch it at all.  But, if you watch any of it, I'm begging you, watch between :45 and :55.  Miley does "The Elaine Dance".  If you're not familiar with the Elaine Dance, let me give you a sample.



You know, they say that when you die, you empty your bowels and shit yourself.  Last Thursday night, after being gone for 17 years, Kurt Cobain shit himself again.



WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Billy Ray Cyrus' daughter, the one who grew up to pole dance on the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards to 'Party in the U.S.A.', was influenced by Nirvana?  Doubtful.  Could it be that she heard the title 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', thought the title sounded neat, and decided to sing it, having no clue what the song is actually about?  Absofuckinglutely.

I'm just thankful that Kurt's dead.  Otherwise, I'd be posting a blog about how the lead singer of Nirvana put a shotgun in his mouth over the weekend.

George W. Bush Finally Responds To Bin Laden Death

As expected, he completely fucks it up.

New Thor Trailers Debut

'Thor' is scheduled to premiere in theaters this Friday.  Conan O'Brien showed two new trailers on his show earlier this week.  I'm not so sure that I want to see the movie now.  I don't think Chris Hemsworth  was the right casting choice for Thor.





Jesus Christ!  I laughed so hard when I saw this.  "Hiya!  I'm Thor!"  Ha Ha Ha.

Happy Star Wars Day

May the 4th be with you. (Get it?)

Google Airs "It Gets Better" Commercial During 'Glee'

During the first commercial break of tonight's 'Glee', Google aired the following commercial.  You might want to grab a tissue.



I was fine, until Woody said, "You'll be fine, partner."  Then I lost it.  What a wonderful way of sending a message to a demographic that you know is watching the program.

Thank you Google, for realizing that sometimes there are things worth advertising that are more important than your product.

Please Help, The Stupid Hurts

I just read an article on Boing Boing, stating that the fifth most popular Osama bin Laden related search on Yahoo on May first was, "Who is Osama bin Laden?".

Oh my fucking god!  Really?!?!?  Are you kidding me?!?!?!?  According to Yahoo 66% of the searches came from people between the ages of 13 and 17.  Two things about this statistic disturb me.  One, why haven't any of these kids been taught about bin Laden?  Second, I'm assuming that the other 33% of these people that are searching Yahoo are stupid fucking adults.

Here is a snapshot of Twitter that was taken yesterday.  Interesting side note:  on Sunday night, at the time that President Obama was making his announcement,  Twitter reported that their website was receiving 5116 Tweets a second.

Americans are getting dumber by the day.  I shudder to think of our Presidential options for 2024.  

Mash Up Monday - Girl Talk's 'All Day'

With everything going on, I haven't had a chance to listen to a full CD in months.  I finally got smart, and burned a few albums of MP3s onto a disc to take along with us in the car this last week.  One of those albums was Girl Talk's November release, 'All Day'.

For those of you that aren't familiar with Girl Talk, he has become the godfather of mashups.  His first album, 'Secret Diary', came out all the way back in 2002.  It's hard to describe his style.  It's unlike anyone else that I have featured on my blog.  He's like a mashup DJ on meth.  I usually tell people, "If you don't like what you're listening to, wait 20 seconds".  His latest album only has 12 tracks, but has samples from 373 songs.  That is an average of 31 samples per track, or a new sample every 11.42 seconds.

I featured the first track on the album, 'Oh No', back in January.  Now that I've had a chance to listen to the rest of the album, let me play a couple more tracks that I really enjoy.

Track three, entitled 'That's Right', contains at least 15 samples, from what I can count.  It includes everything from Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes', to Nine Inch Nails' 'Closer', to, believe it or not, Miley Cyrus' 'Party in the U.S.A.'.

**It does contain adult language, and is NSFW**


Track four on the album, called 'Jump On Stage', has samples from more than 18 or 19 songs.  On this one, it  carries three main background tracks, Portishead's 'Sour Times', Radiohead's 'Creep', and T'Pau's 'Heart And Soul'.  It flows seamlessly.  It's flawless.

**This contains adult language too, and is NSFW**


The New York Times once called Girl Talk "a lawsuit waiting to happen".  Seeing as he has nearly 400 samples on this album that he has not been granted permission to use, he is not legally allowed to sell this album.  He is, however, allowed to give it away for free under the "fair use" clause of copyright law.

You can go to Girl Talk's website, and download 'All Day', either as a 12 track album, or as one continuous track.  It is easily the most impressive piece of work I have heard in quite a long time.  So impressive, in fact, that on Friday, I listened to it four times in a row.  Back to back.

I haven't done that to ANY CD in probably a decade or more.

Soundtrack Of My Life - 05/02/2011 'Everyday'

Last night, with the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed, it was near impossible for many of us not to think of September 2001.  If anything positive was gleamed from the events that tragic day, it was that people became more neighborly.  For a short time following 9/11, though the vast majority of people were severely depressed, they were friendlier than what they were on September 10, 2001.

I found that people would say hi more often, when passing them on the street.  Someone would hold the door for you, or would hold an elevator, when before they wouldn't take the time to.  The nation, for lack of a better term, was polite.  In time, the civility went away, and everything went back to normal.

It was an atmosphere that I hoped to see return last night.  Instead, the scene outside the White House looked more like a Grateful Dead concert.  People were throwing beach balls and climbing light poles at two in the morning, chanting "Na na na na.  Hey hey hey. Good bye."  To the rest of the world, especially the Middle East, the citizens of the United States looked like jagoffs.

On September 11, 2001, the Dave Matthews Band was coincidentally scheduled to release the song 'When the World Ends' as their third single, off of their album 'Everyday'.  Based on what happened that morning, the single was pulled, and the video was scrapped.  The band and studio decided to release the album's title track, 'Everyday', instead.

The video featured (then unknown) '30 Rock's' Judah Friedlander, walking through the streets of New York's Greenwich Village asking random people for a hug.  It was filmed shortly after 9/11, and features a few cameos from some New York celebrities, such as Conan O'Brien, Blue Man Group, and Tiki Barber.  At the time, it was very touching and heartwarming to watch.  Even with his relative television fame, I don't think Judah Friedlander would be able to get enough hugs to fill three minutes of video in 2011.  It's sad how people have grown colder in the last 10 years.

Bin Laden Dead: A Look At How 9/11 Changed Me

I am sitting in a bed on the third floor of a Mesa, Arizona, hospital tonight, and watching thousands of people cheering outside the gates of the White House.  An hour ago, the President announced to the nation that Osama bin Laden was found and killed in Pakistan earlier today.  The man hated more than anyone in American history, second only to Hitler, is finally dead.

As the crowd of hundreds at Ground Zero at 1AM, stand together in celebration and sing 'The Star Spangled Banner', my eyes well up with tears.  I am proud of my country.  I am proud of the Navy Seals that entered the compound and shot bin Laden.  I am proud of my government and of my President.  Today, I am a patriot.  Looking back upon my life, I never would have pictured myself as a "patriotic" individual.  After all, I was never raised to be one.

In fact, it wasn't until September 11, 2001, that something within me changed.

The following is from a post originally dated September 11, 2009.  It was the first post written on this blog.

Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, I was always told that it was wrong to salute the flag. I wasn't allowed to say the Pledge of Allegiance. I had to remain seated for the National Anthem. It's not that I had been intentionally disrespecting or desecrating the flag as a child. My parents never instilled in me the reasons why the symbols of our country, and the flag in particular, should be respected.

You can imagine the uncomfortable situations I had found myself in growing up. In the classroom everyday for years. At school assemblies. At sporting events. Countless dirty looks. People making comments under their breath. Even the occasional thwack to the back of the head with the words, "What's wrong with you? You a Commie or somethin? Stand up boy".

In my younger days, I saw it as an opportunity to "witness". To share my beliefs with others.  I would tell them that I wasn't standing because my religion wouldn't permit me to. Usually, that would be as far as I got. The offended spectator would turn a more enraged shade of red and that would be my que to face forward for the rest of the event and not make eye contact with anyone for the next 3 hours.

As I got older, I got wiser. I realized that by being in my seats during the National Anthem, I was only asking for trouble. So, I would generally take that time of the pre-game to go to the bathroom or grab a drink or a souvenir. Most times, I would just intentionally show up late to a game - skip the first 2 minutes of the period or the top half of the first inning altogether.

So how does this tie in to 9/11? I'll get to that in a second. But first: February 13, 1983. The Forum, Irvine, California. It was the NBA All Star Game. For some reason my dad was watching it on TV. I never remember him being much of a basketball fan. I've never been much of one either. But something special happened that night. The time came for the National Anthem. This is what we saw:

It gave me chills. As a 7 year old, I didn't know why. I had a feeling then that I couldn't put into words, that I wouldn't feel again until 18 years later. I left the church in 1996, but, out of habit I guess, continued my "tradition" of not standing for the National Anthem.

Then came September 11th, 2001. It's a day that, 8 years later, I still think about on a daily basis. We all tend to re-live the shots of the people running in the streets, the towers falling, and the planes hitting the towers. Today though, I had a different memory for the first time. I remembered the firefighters going into Ground Zero to tie an American Flag onto a beam of the World Trade Center. This was still while the area was unsafe. There was still a possibility of the surrounding buildings collapsing. It was their way of saying "We're still here. We're still standing".

When I saw that flag amongst the rubble, that feeling I first felt as a 7 year old had returned. It was pride. The flag reminded me of the anthem's lyrics itself: "Gave proof through the night, That our flag was still there, O say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, O'er the land of the free, And the home of the brave". It waved over many a brave volunteer in the days and weeks following the attacks.

September 10, 2001, was the last day I refused to sit for the National Anthem. Since the events of 9/11, not only do I show my respect to my nation and its flag, but I sing along with the Star Spangled Banner, and get choked up at the end. Every time.