There Is Such A Thing As A Family Guy Porno

Do yourself a favor...don't search for it.  And, for the love of all things holy, NEVER do an image search.  There are some really fucked up people out there.  ((shudders))

I have seen my share of porn parodies.  Hell, I've made my share of porn parodies.  This is one of the better ones.

Don't worry, this trailer IS SAFE FOR WORK.  Believe it or not, it's surprisingly just as funny as the real thing.  You'd almost think that Seth MacFarlane was writing it himself.

The last 15 seconds of the trailer made me laugh so hard, I sneezed.  (Don't judge me.)



The DVD is being released by Hustler, the same company that brought you The Simpsons parody, the Mythbusters parody, and the Reservoir Dogs parody (which, oddly enough, isn't called "Lezervoir Dogs").

On a side note, I heard about this parody through 'Tosh.0', which has it's own parody from Hustler called 'Tosh porn.Oh' (it's horrible).

The NHL Sponsors A Lesbian Engagement

Yes.  You read that correctly.

Between the second and third periods of last Saturday's game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Ottawa Senators, a lesbian couple got engaged.  On the ice.  In front of a capacity crowd at Scotiabank Place.

Alicia (in the Maple Leafs jersey) was standing on the ice, blindfolded, when she was instructed to remove her blindfold and read the message on the scoreboard.  Moments later, her girlfriend, Christina (dressed in Senators apparel), walked onto the ice.  After hugging Alicia, she got down on one knee and proposed.

What followed is the most heartwarming video you'll see this month.



Something tells me we won't be seeing anything like this in the U.S. anytime soon.

Oh...the video of the proposal is from the NHL's website.  Cool, huh?

Will The Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up? (Video)

I had a chance to see this video earlier today.  When I did, there were less than 100 views of it on YouTube.  By the time I got around to post this, there's more than 30,000.  Story of my life.

Until today, I never realized how monotone Romney is.  He lacks vocal inflection to such a degree that you can seamlessly edit portions of his speeches together.  Who would have thought that Mitt would become the world's next great white rapper?  Hell.  If Eminem is white, Mitt Romney glows in the dark...

"Every Mormon, swing your underwear.  Sing the chorus, Papa Bear."

Attention Feed Subscribers: Check Out 'The Twitch' On Facebook

This post is specifically intended for those of you that read 'The Twitch' through a subscription feed.

First of all, thank you so much for following me.  It has been your loyalty that has motivated me to keep writing.  Things have been really crazy lately, with having to deal with medical issues and finding my place as a stay-at-home dad.  Through it all, you've stuck around, and it means a lot to me.

Last week I started a dedicated Facebook page for the website.  I would appreciate it if you 'Liked' it.

Thanks for reading.  Don't be strangers.  Tell me your opinion on what you read.  I'd love to read your comments.

Mashup Monday - Muppet Edition

With 'The Muppets' coming out on Blu-Ray and DVD tomorrow, I thought it would be a great time to share a couple of my Muppet related mashups.

The first video is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.  Every time Animal comes in on the drums, I loose it.  If you were ever curious what it would be like if Beaker sang Coldplay, watch this.



This next one is for all of you Tom Waits fans.  Sorry, but you can't exactly wax poetic when you're trying to set up a video of Cookie Monster singing 'God's Away on Business'.  It's impossible.

Mashup Monday...With A Twist

Monday after Monday, I post a video featuring two or more tracks that are cleverly mashed together.

Today, I thought I would mix it up a bit.  What happens when someone takes a song, and mixes it with a cleverly remixed group of film clips?  You get JY Cinemashups.

JY Cinemashups is the name behind a 36 year old American who is brilliant...BRILLIANT...when it comes to finding the relationships between a song and a film.  The result is often times moving and downright inspiring to watch.

For example, this is 'Kill Billy', a mashup of 'Kill Bill' with Billy Joel's 'She's Always a Woman'.  Simply breathtaking...



Compare that to 'Fist Club', which brings together David Fincher's masterpiece 'Fight Club', with Florence & The Machine's 'Kiss with a Fist'.



Am I right?!  Brilliant!

Jehovah's Witnesses Now Indoctrinating Toddlers In The Watchtower

One of my earliest memories was of that damn yellow book.

As a child, I don't remember having any other storybooks in the house.  It wasn't until I was in grade school, and had access to the library, that I read something "worldly".

My mom was very diligent in trying to educate me.  At the age of three, I was already reading and writing on my own.  At four, I was enrolled in the Theocratic Ministry School, giving sermons in front of the congregation, with the intent of making myself a better magazine salesman on the weekends. 

When most kids were learning nursery rhymes or fairy tales, I was memorizing the lineage of Jesus.  I even memorized the tribes of Israel.  All twelve of them.  To the tune of 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious', no less.

In the years since 1978, the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses have converted 'My Book of Bible Stories' into audio cassettes, CDs, and even a webpage.  Around 2006, they swapped out the cover to something less atrocious.  

Now, the Watchtower has taken a giant leap forward in the realm of religious indoctrination.  In the May 1, 2012, Watchtower, they have dedicated pages 24 and 25 to children under the age of three.  

That's funny.  That's not the picture I remember in the Noah's Ark story that I read as a kid.

That's the one.  Bald guy getting swept away by the current.  Mother and child clinging to life on the rocks.  No wonder I had horrific nightmares as a kid.

Song Of The Day

As many of you know, Chick-fil-A has a history of being an anti-gay company.  In recent years, they have donated millions of dollars to anti-gay, Christian hate groups.  They have also sponsored "marriage training" events, which barred same-sex couples from participating.

In response, millions of progressive and LGBT friendly families (mine included) have boycotted the chain for the last two years.

That brings us to today's song, called 'Chow Down (at Chick-fil-A)' by (Not) Wilson Phillips, a trio of drag queens (Willam Belli, Detox, and Vicky Vox).  I promise.  You'll be singing this tune all day long.



If drag queens endorse Christian-right owned Chick-fil-A, is it still an endorsement?  According to the artists:  "Nope".

You may also want to check out another Willam Belli parody called 'The Vagina Song' (it's in the tune of Travie McCoy's 'Billionaire').  Be warned:  Language is NSFW.



Hilarious.

The Gayest Photos Of Rick Santorum You'll Ever See

Stephen and Vanessa, a married couple and readers of Unicorn Booty, created a wallpaper-size mosaic of Rick Santorum...made entirely of gay porn.  Well, not entirely entirely.  Upon closer examination, it appears to be about 70/30 gay.  Good enough for me!!

Photo is kinda-sorta NSFW (if you zoom in on it, at least).

Last week, Unicorn Booty published a second mosaic - this time of gay porn, made entirely of Rick Santorum photos:

God Bless America.  And, don't forget:  Vote Dick Assjuice in 2012.

BTW, if you would like to download a wallpaper of the top pic, you can do so here.

Tea Party Leader Arrested For Kidnapping, Rape

What is it with San Diego this week?

Police have arrested Michael Kobulnicky in the February 25th kidnapping and sexual assault of a 56-year-old woman.  The victim was walking home, and was offered a ride by Kobulnicky.  He then pulled her into the car and assaulted her, later leaving her on the side of the road on Fiesta Island.

What makes this case particularly notable, is that, up until his arrest, Michael Kobulnicky was the public relations spokesman for the San Diego Tea Party.  On March 2nd, authorities released a frame from a convenience store's surveillance tape, along with a description of Kobulnicky's vehicle.  They asked for the public's help in identifying their suspect.

Kabulnicky was arrested last Thursday.

On his personal Facebook page, Kabulnicky acted as if nothing had happened.  On March 12, he posted numerous photos of his vacation in Arizona.  He also announced his engagement to his fiance.  (On a side note, the number of his Facebook friends is dropping like flies.)

On March 14th, he called for a nationwide boycott of Red Bull, following the brief airing of a commercial in South Africa.  He said, "There is such an attack against Christianity now and hopefully Christians stand up for what they believe!".  He proudly identifies himself as Christian, and brags about his "Christian values".  Kabulnicky is also a former elementary school teacher, and founder of the National Council of Americans, a youth organization whose mission is "to preserve American values (like rape) and our way of life through various methods of education by using the Constitution of the United States, Bill of Rights/Amendments, Declaration of Independence, and words of our Founding Fathers as a guide to protect American freedoms for children, teenagers, and adults of all nationalities and to unify The United States of America."

He has been organizing a San Diego summit, called the Patriot Voices Summit 2012, which was scheduled to take place in July.  Something tells me that a cancellation of the summit may be announced in the near future.

Michael Kabulnicky, speaking in January 2011.  Photo is from Kabulnicky's Facebook page, which may soon be deleted.

A statement from the San Diego Tea Party, says that Kabulnicky has been on a hiatus since January, "for personal reasons", and during legal proceedings, has been removed from his duties.  However, according to all online references from Kabulnicky himself, it appears that he was currently in his position as public relations spokesman.

You can cut the hypocrisy with a knife.

KONY 2012 Director Has Naked Freakout (New Video)

'KONY 2012' currently has over 82 million views on YouTube.  As of this writing, only 302 people have seen the video below.  For obvious reasons, it's in the public's interest that it be seen.

On Thursday, KONY director Jason Russell was "detained", for what could only be described as a nude mental breakdown on the streets of San Diego.  It has been reported by numerous media outlets that Russell was rampaging in his underwear.  He was most certainly not wearing underwear.



Yelling "fuck the Devil"? And that sashay!  Holy hell.  Not exactly the stereotypical behavior from a happily married, self-professed Christian, father of two (who wants to have nine more children).  Just sayin'.

Yesterday, Russell's family issued a statement, denying that he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol:

"Let us say upfront that Jason has never had a substance abuse or drinking problem, and this episode wasn't caused by either of those things. But yes, he did some irrational things brought on by extreme exhaustion and dehydration. On our end, the focus remains only on his health and protecting our family."

Invisible Children CEO Ben Keesey offered this explanation to TMZ:

"Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition.

 "He is now receiving medical care and is focused on getting better. The past two weeks have taken a severe emotional toll on all of us, Jason especially, and that toll manifested itself in an unfortunate incident yesterday.

"Jason’s passion and his work have done so much to help so many, and we are devastated to see him dealing with this personal health issue. We will always love and support Jason, and we ask that you give his entire family privacy during this difficult time.” 

Personally, I'm not buying the "dehydration" story.  It would have been far much more believable if they went with the drug addiction angle.  


Warning:  Clip is semi-NSFW (distant peen).




Let this be a lesson to you, kids.  You never know when you're an orange Gatorade away from turning into naked raging orangutan.

San Diego Police have said publicly, that they have no intention of pressing charges against Russell.  Notice how news stories are saying that he was "detained", and not "arrested"?  Russell is currently hospitalized on a 5150 hold.  A 5150 is when authorities place someone in the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, to determine if they pose a threat to themselves or others.  In simple terms, Jason Russell had a mental breakdown.  The 33-year-old's influence in fundraising is over.

On a lighter note, Russell's influence on the nation's fads is greater than ever.  In fact, he may have inadvertently created this year's version of planking.  It's called KONYING:



And another:

Two Men Kiss And Get Booted From Santorum Rally (Video)

On Friday night, two men publicly protested, in front of hundreds of Santorum supporters, gathered at the Christian Liberty Academy in Arlington Heights, Illinois.  They made out with each other.

Image courtesy of Towleroad

Fifteen minutes into Santorum's "America is a cesspool" rant, four members of the crowd started a "mic check".  Once they received the attention of the crowd (and members of the local media), that's when the magic happened.  Fast forward to 3:35 into the video:

Needless to say, the men (and their friends) were promptly removed from the rally.  When the two men, Timothy Tross and Ben Clifford, were asked about their sexual orientation, Tross responded:

"I don't think the message should be about what my sexuality is.  It's the message that he's (Santorum) saying about sexuality that matters."

In my opinion this form of protest is much more effective than glitterbombing.  Most people in the audience aren't hip enough to understand the symbolism of a glitterbombing.  On the other hand, when two men make out during a campaign rally for a presidential candidate that said that marriage equality would eventually lead to legalization of man/dog marriage, their message is pretty clear.

I only hope that people across the country follow the lead of Tross and Clifford.  The kiss has garnered national news coverage over the weekend.  Any further instances of "romantic protest" are sure to capture the attention of the media.

Way to go, guys.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Maybe after a few green beers, you can understand what they're singing.

So THAT'S How Jesus Did It

This was a Red Bull advertisement that was airing in South Africa.  I say "was", because it has since been pulled after complaints from both Christian and Muslim organizations in the country, claiming that it insulted their faith.

No one has a sense of humor anymore.

George Clooney Arrested In Washington D.C. (Video)

George Clooney was arrested this morning at the Sudanese Embassy in Washington D.C.  He was taken away in zip ties by Secret Service, along with 16 others, including Martin Luther King III, George's father Nick, Ben Jealous, the President of the NAACP, and two sitting Democratic senators.

They were protesting the Sudanese government's refusal to let humanitarian agencies into Sudan to assist their starving citizens.  They were also protesting leader Omar Al-Bashir's continual bombing of innocent men, women, and children.



Clooney posted a meager $100 bail.  He's not expected to go to trial for today's arrest.

It's a sad situation, when it takes the arrest of a Oscar winner to bring the nation's attention to the atrocities taking place outside of the country.