Feel Good Video Of The Day

This is the latest advertisement for Coca Cola.  I've been debating whether to share it or not.   It is truly a heartwarming video, but ultimately, it's to push a soda.  In any event, this clip helped me to regain a little bit of faith in the human race.

Photo Of The Day

This is a photo of Alessandra Ambrosio, Crystal Renn, and Brooklyn Decker, at a recent photo shoot for Victoria's Secret.  Here are photos of the same three women, after photos have been touched up.

Today In WTF?

Shortly after his failed presidential bid, it seems that Herman Cain is quickly settling into his new career as snuff film producer.  Cain didn't know shit about Libya, and it looks like he doesn't know shit about analogies.

Last month, Cain's Super PAC, Cain Connections, released an ad in which a little girl kills a goldfish.  Supposedly, it represented the "economy on stimulus".  Sunday, he released a new commercial.  This time, they "shoot" a bunny with a shotgun.  "This is small business under the current tax code.  Any questions?"

I have one.  What in the everloving fuck are you talking about?!?




I don't get it.  There is the possibility that the ads are so smart, that they're completely going over my head.  Somehow, I don't think that's the case.

And, is it just me, or does the girl in the commercial look like the kid in the "firestarter" meme?

At least, with Cain out of the race, "Honkies for Herman" and "Crackers for Cain" merchandise has disappeared from the net.

So THAT'S How Jesus Did It

This was a Red Bull advertisement that was airing in South Africa.  I say "was", because it has since been pulled after complaints from both Christian and Muslim organizations in the country, claiming that it insulted their faith.

No one has a sense of humor anymore.

I've Lost My Advertisers

When I checked my email this morning, I had message in my inbox from the site's advertising service.  It read:

"Hello,

During a recent review of your account we found that you are currently displaying ads in a manner that is not compliant with our program policies.

EXAMPLE PAGE:

http://www.thetwitchonline.com/2011/12/lindsay-lohans-playboy-photos-leaked.html

Please note that this URL is an example and that the same violations may exist on other pages of this website or other sites in your network.

VIOLATION(S) FOUND:

As stated in our program policies, publishers are not permitted to place ads on pages with adult or mature content. In addition to photos and videos which contain nudity or sexual activities, below are some other examples of unacceptable content:

 * Lewd or provocative images

 *Crude or indecent language, including adult stories

   * Sexual tips or advice

   * Sexual fetish sites (e.g. foot fetish content)

   * Adult toys or products 

   * Ads or links to external sites containing adult content 

   * Adult links and/or adult keywords within the meta data in the source code of your site

ACTION TAKEN: We have disabled ad serving to your site."

But that's half of my site!!!

The smoking gun seems to be the Lindsay Lohan post I published a couple of months ago.  It's funny that they considered Lohan's Playboy pics "unacceptable content", yet didn't have an issue with my Ronald Reagan post, the talking vibrator, Tom Ford sniffing perfume samples out of a model's ass, Lady Gaga's ass, or Tori Spelling's breasts showing on Twitter.  Not to mention the countless times I've used the "C word".

Personally, I found Lindsay Lohan's Playboy shoot "unacceptable", but for different reasons entirely.

I'm really going to miss that 93 cents that came in each week.

Oh.  One last thing.  DILDO FIGHT!!!

"It's A Snap"

I've never wanted to go to a technical school so badly.  From Australia's Central Institute of Technology.



Why don't you see commercials like this during Maury?

Advertisement Of The Day

As many of you know, Rick Santorum has been trying to have Google take down their unflattering search results for his name.  The above advertisement is for an online porn company by the name of HotMovies.com (link is obviously NSFW).  If you have been on the PornHub or Spankwire networks, you've seen their work.  

Pure marketing genius.

The Most Ineffective Advertisement Ever

I'm told there is a bottle of alcohol somewhere in the photograph.  I'm not seeing it.

Is it wrong that when I see Christina Hendricks, I make the same noise that Homer Simpson does when he's around donuts?

Photos: Someone Should Really Do A Background Check On The Guy Making The Signs

From Cajun Mike's, in New Orleans, Louisiana:

Travel Tip:  If you are ever lucky enough to vacation in beautiful New Orleans, NEVER get drunk and pass out at Cajun Mike's.  You may wake up the next morning missing your pants, and with a sore mouth. Just sayin'...

Video: Does Anyone Want To Play 'Slavery: The Game'?

Yes, it looks real.  But, upon closer examination, it appears to be one sick joke.  As Joystiq noted, neither XBox or PS3 would release a video game with an AO (Adults Only) rating.  Also, the ESRB (Entertainment Software Ratings Board) has no release information for an upcoming title by the name of 'Slavery'.

Javelin Reds, the proposed developer of the game, doesn't exist.  But, as one commenter noted, "javelin reds" is an anagram of "de slavernij", which is slavery in Dutch.  The phone number associated with the developer goes to a voice mail at a Kentucky area phone number.  What is the story behind 'Slavery'?

Update:  Maybe I spoke too soon.  I noticed something odd when I embedded the video into the post.  The title of the video had changed.  I went to the video game's website, and, sure enough it was fake.  It turns out, the video is part of a viral advertising campaign.  The key was in the anagram of "Javelin Reds".  Dutch broadcaster NTR is broadcasting a series called 'De Slavernij', which is a documentary about the history of slavery and how it still exists in some parts of the world.  It debuts on September 18th.  Very clever campaign.

Video: KY Airing National Commercial Featuring Lesbian Couple

For years, we have all seen the clever commercials for KY products.  They all vary to some degree, but usually, they feature a heterosexual couple talking about "the big moment".  Well, starting September 5th, "Alex and Emma", the line's first lesbian couple, joins their ranks.  From KY:

"K-Y® Brand has been a longtime supporter of the LGBT community. Since 1998, it has sponsored dozens of LGBT and HIV/AIDS organizations and has also participated at LGBT Pride celebrations and other community events. Gay male couples have been featured in print advertising since 2008 and now the brand is continuing its tradition of support and visibility with advertising that is inclusive of lesbian couples."

Here is the commercial.  Short but sweet.



Why KY Intense?  It's engineered specifically for women.  They like to call it the "Intense Effect".  It has worked on 75% of their test subjects.

I'm curious to see if the commercial will ever see the light of day on primetime television.  If and when it does, I'm sure the boycott police will be in full force.  "Boycott the network that aired this commercial."  "Boycott the program the commercial aired on."  "Boycott every store that KY Intense is sold in."  Great in theory, except KY Intense is sold in every major drug store chain - including Target and the fundie beloved Walmart.

There is only one reason why the evangelical right haven't blown up the airwaves about this already:  This is very low on their radar.  It's not like they're monitoring the advertising campaigns for sex lubricant products on a regular basis.

Dear lord, I hope not.  I'd hate to think that I have something in common with the evangelical right.  ;)

Abercrombie Offers Unique Endorsement Deal To Jersey Shore Clan

In what has to be the strangest endorsement deal ever, Abercrombie and Fitch has offered Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino money not to wear their clothes.  Why?  In essence, it's ruining the brand's image.

A spokesman for the clothing line told CNN yesterday:

"We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image. We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans.  We have therefore offered a substantial payment to Michael 'The Situation' Sorrentino and the producers of MTV's The Jersey Shore to have the character wear an alternate brand," A&F continues. "We have also extended this offer to other members of the cast and are urgently waiting a response."

 The 'Jersey Shore' cast devalues everything that they touch.  It is long overdue that a company has publicly drawn a line in the sand and said, "You can fist pump and bang your personal reputations to shit, but leave our products out of it".  Way to go, Abercrombie and Fitch.  I may not like your clothing, but I admire your style.

Levi's Commercial Pulled From Nation

...due to content and bad timing.  See if you can guess which country the ads were pulled in?



A spokesperson for the clothing company said,

"We are deeply disheartened about the unprecedented events taking place in the UK at the moment and which have impacted communities across the country.   

"While "Go Forth" is about embodying the energy and events of our time, it is not about any specific moment or theme, rather it is about optimism, positive action and a pioneering spirit. 

"Out of sensitivity for what is happening in the UK, we have temporarily pulled our Facebook and cinema spots in the country." 

The advertisement features Charles Bukowski's 'The Laughing Heart'. 

Making Changes To 'The Twitch'

What's going on, everybody.

Just wanted to let all of you know that some changes are underway on the blog.  As you have probably noticed, I've added a couple of links on the top left side of the page, to make it easier to follow me.  By clicking the links you can either have 'The Twitch' delivered to your email inbox as articles are published, or you can subscribe to my feed and view it at your convenience from your reader of choice.

I have also changed the way the website appears when you access it from your mobile phone.  I have spent some time on my phone tonight testing it out, and I can happily say that it is much more user friendly.  The posts are much easier to read, and switching from post to post is as easy as swiping your finger on the screen.  No more endless scrolling and waiting for the page to load with your cell signal.

There is also some additional advertising on the site.  I know, it can be a bit of an annoyance, but I've tried to make the changes minimal.  When you're reading my blog from a feed, an ad should appear after every four or five posts.  Give it a day or so and you'll hardly notice it.

As I have said before, the changes taking place are to move 'The Twitch' more in the direction of a professional endeavor.  This is my 684th post.  It's long overdue to start looking at this less as a hobby, and more as a way to possibly make a living down the road.

I would like to thank you all for your patience while I fiddle with some things.  If you have any comments or  questions, please feel free to email me at twitch@thetwitchonline.com.

Advertisement Of The Day

People are already having fun mocking the new season of 'Two and a Half Men' online.  For example:

Have You Seen The New Sexist Milk Ads?

The California Milk Processor Board, along with advertising agency Goodby, Silverstein & Partners, has debuted a new "Got Milk?" campaign touting the effects calcium has on symptoms of PMS.  The problem is, the ads are some of the most ridiculously sexist pieces of marketing material in recent history.  Take a look:

They've also set up the site everythingidoiswrong.org as a companion site.  It features the "Current Global PMS Level" and "Video Apology Enhancer".  Somewhere along the chain of custody there had to have been someone that said, "Wait a second.  Does anyone else think this might not be a good idea?"  Anyone?  Really?  

Anyone?

Old Magazine Ad: "Don't Let Daddy Lick Me Again!"

This commonplace ad (from the 50s, I presume), is so downright disturbing today that it wouldn't even be considered for print.  First, it's an ad for a child's laxative.  And, to get the point across that it tastes good, they show that you don't have to physically abuse your child with the back of a hairbrush to make them take it.

Talk about "beating the shit out of your kids".  My, how advertising has changed.  To think, if half of the country freaked out over pink nail polish, how would they have reacted to this?

Experience Human Flight

I have always equated skydiving with the fall.  Dropping at roughly 120 mph from an airplane at 8-10,000 feet had never sounded like pleasant experience.  An adrenaline rush?  Yes.  Cheating death?  Absolutely.  But peaceful, even otherworldly?  Not in a million years.  Then I saw this advertisement for Melbourne Skydive Centre, in Australia.



I'm a believer.  What an ethereal experience.  I realize that this is an advertisement, and the point of an advertisement is to sell a commodity.  But, to take a product like skydiving, and present it in a way that is contradictory to the world's expectation of it...that is simply brilliance in both film making and marketing.

Don't tell my wife, but is going to be my reward for losing another fifty pounds.  At that point, I will be at a weight where I can go on my first tandem jump, and fly for the first time.

The Best Commercials Of Super Bowl XLV

This year's commercials saw your expected advertisers, (Bud Light, Coke, Pepsi,) movie trailers, and a few newcomers to the game(TeleFlora, Groupon, HomeAway).  Here are my three favorite ads this year:

Doritos - "The Best Part"





Budweiser - "Wild West"




Any commercial that ends in an 'Almost Famous'-like rendition of 'Tiny Dancer' gets extra points in my book. Did you notice the cowboy asking for the Bud was Peter Stormare?  He's been in everything from Fargo to The Big Lebowski to Armageddon, Constantine, 8mm.  I could go on and on about him.  One of my favorite character actors.

Chrysler 200 - "Imported From Detroit"





This was as much a commercial for the city of Detroit as it was for Chrysler.  It was also the second ad of the evening that featured Eminem.  He was, or should I say his image was, in an ad for Lipton Brisk earlier in the game.  Reportedly, Mr. Mathers received a $1 million paycheck to use his image and voice for the Lipton ad.  The details of his compensation for the Chrysler ad have not been released.  Due to his love for his hometown, Detroit, it's likely he settled for a lower amount.  In the Chrysler ad, he said only 11 words.

While the first two ads were funny, this one had substance.  It was moving.  For the first time in my adult life, it made me realize the importance of buying an American automobile.  When I'm walking through the aisles of the store, I'm not going to remember the Dorito's ad or the Budweiser ad when it comes to my next grocery purchase.  When it comes time to purchase my next vehicle, I'm sure as hell going to remember Chrysler.  They claimed they spent less than $9 million on the commercial.  The ad took up two minutes of airtime.  At a price tag of $3 million for every 30 seconds, it cost them $12 million to air it.  Something tells me it was a good investment.  They hit this one out of the park.

Today In Insensitive Advertising

Shoe designer Kenneth Cole sent the following tweet yesterday morning:

Within minutes, the advertising and blogging community were in an uproar.   Not only did it make Kenneth Cole look like a douche, but it made the American people look like they were either mocking the protests in Egypt, or that they didn't care about them in the first place.

Later this afternoon, Mr. Cole took to his Facebook page to apologize for his earlier tweet:

I apologize to everyone who was offended by my insensitive tweet about the situation in Egypt. I’ve dedicated my life to raising awareness about serious social issues, and in hindsight my attempt at humor regarding a nation liberating themselves against oppression was poorly timed and absolutely inappropriate.

Kenneth Cole, Chairman and Chief Creative Officer

The damage had already been done.  Oh, and by the way, he doesn't "dedicate his life to raising awareness about serious social issues".  He designs shoes.  At last count, he had twelve pages of comments below his apology.  About 97% of them included the words "asshole, bastard, idiot or douche".  Instead of apologizing on Facebook, he should be apologizing directly to the Egyptian people on Al Jazeera.  Just my opinion.