I'm sure to get a comment on this one. I must say, this one came out of left field for me, too. When I heard he was running for a Senate seat in Minnesota, I didn't think he had a chance. "If he did win", I thought, "he's going to be an embarrassment to the Democratic party". After all, we're talking about a guy who made a living writing for Saturday Night Live. His only face time on the show was in a blond wig, saying, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me". Let's face it. He didn't exactly scream "future in politics" when you saw him.
After leaving SNL, he became a writer. He was definitely liberal, but came across as a smartass. His books were really humor, and could not be taken seriously. Then he started campaigning. He got to the issues, and all of a sudden he looked like a political contender. I was pleased to see him win his seat, just as much for the fact that he was number 60 as the fact that it gave him a chance to prove his critics wrong. And that is exactly what he did.....
Franken had a way of connecting with the people. When McCain was getting booed by his own constituents, Franken had a way of calming them down and having a civilized conversation with them. Look at how quickly he was able to disarm this heated situation:
He had a talent for playing the "new guy in the Senate/I don't know how things work around here" role. He knew how to lay back and play dumb and set the trap for the person he was questioning. Check out this clip of him questioning a Justice Department official on the constitutionality of the Patriot Act. Let's just say, the Judicial committee is a nightmare spot for him to be in if you're a Republican:
He is a Patriot, and truly cares for the American people. His first attempt at introducing a bill was an attachment on this year's most recent defense spending bill. His attachment was a stipulation that said that we withhold defense contracts from companies or contractors who make their employees sign paperwork as part of their employment agreement that states that if anything tragic happens to them while they are on the job or under employment, they are not allowed to sue the contractor. Rachel Maddow called it the "If you get gang raped on the job, you can't sue us clause". Sounds fair. It was actually introduced due to the story of a female contractor that was drugged and gang raped on her fourth day on the job by her own coworkers. After attempting to reach outside sources for medical help and to reach family members in the States, her employer KBR, a subsidiary of Halliburton, locked her in a shipping container and shipped her back to the U.S. Shockingly, 3/4 of the Republican Senators voting on this addendum voted NO! Here is video of Franken introducing the bill:
He's not afraid to just come out and bitch slap someone when he feels it necessary. Case in point, this testimony earlier this month regarding health care reform. The person being questioned was testifying that health care reform would result in a rise in bankruptcies from catastrophic medical expenses. Here is Senator Franken's line of questioning to follow. Absolutely brilliant:
And lastly, the man is brilliant. He has been doing this as a party trick for years, but it still shows his level of intelligence. When 50% of American adults cannot find the State of New York on a U.S. map, he should score in the upper 5 percentile of American minds to be able to do this and talk simultaneously:
So, in my opinion, is "Franken in 2016" a possibility? At this point, I don't see any other option for the Democratic party.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Fascinating Video On Dystonia
First off, let me start by saying it's always a good idea, considering the source, to take this with a grain of salt. News magazine shows like Inside Edition and A Current Affair made their reputations by making mountains out of molehills and vice versa. This is, after all, the birthplace of Bill O'Reilly.
The video tells the story of a young woman who, after getting a routine flu shot in August, developed dystonia 10 days later. It is a very interesting video. Unfortunately, all versions of the original video have been tampered with. At about the two minute mark, the audio has been altered to make it sound like they're saying that this SHOULD discourage people from getting the flu shot. This was not the case. Of all the videos and news stories on Youtube I found, Inside Edition actually had the least sensationalizing story available. Other "respected" news agencies were actually questioning whether flu shots were safe. This video focused more on her unusual symptoms, which is what I wanted to share:
The human body is an amazing thing. It works in mysterious, and often, misunderstood ways. This woman's symptoms disappear only while she is running. Mine disappear only when I am singing. I didn't start to notice my Tourette's tics until I was 31. By definition, Tourette's Syndrome must be diagnosed before the patient is 18. It develops in childhood. At this time, clinically, "adult onset Tourette's Syndrome" does not exist.
What I am saying is there is always a precedent. A young woman develops a severe, and extremely rare, neurological condition after a routine flu shot. It may never happen again, and probably won't, but it's possible. Anything is possible. For all we know she could have developed rabies from the flu shot, not likely, but possible. There is always room for a precedent. Never rule out a possibility, and just because something rare happens to an unlucky individual, don't think it's going to happen to you too. The odds of you dying from Swine Flu are far greater than you being diagnosed with dystonia after getting that flu shot. And frankly, I like those odds.
The video tells the story of a young woman who, after getting a routine flu shot in August, developed dystonia 10 days later. It is a very interesting video. Unfortunately, all versions of the original video have been tampered with. At about the two minute mark, the audio has been altered to make it sound like they're saying that this SHOULD discourage people from getting the flu shot. This was not the case. Of all the videos and news stories on Youtube I found, Inside Edition actually had the least sensationalizing story available. Other "respected" news agencies were actually questioning whether flu shots were safe. This video focused more on her unusual symptoms, which is what I wanted to share:
The human body is an amazing thing. It works in mysterious, and often, misunderstood ways. This woman's symptoms disappear only while she is running. Mine disappear only when I am singing. I didn't start to notice my Tourette's tics until I was 31. By definition, Tourette's Syndrome must be diagnosed before the patient is 18. It develops in childhood. At this time, clinically, "adult onset Tourette's Syndrome" does not exist.
What I am saying is there is always a precedent. A young woman develops a severe, and extremely rare, neurological condition after a routine flu shot. It may never happen again, and probably won't, but it's possible. Anything is possible. For all we know she could have developed rabies from the flu shot, not likely, but possible. There is always room for a precedent. Never rule out a possibility, and just because something rare happens to an unlucky individual, don't think it's going to happen to you too. The odds of you dying from Swine Flu are far greater than you being diagnosed with dystonia after getting that flu shot. And frankly, I like those odds.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Last Time I "Spoke" To My Mother
I knew this post was coming.
I've been thinking about it and contemplating it for a couple of weeks now and figured it is finally time to go there.
January 6, 2006, I was working in the office of the family business. My mom had just gotten home from the hospital the previous day, after spending 9 weeks practically locked in a room with a mysterious immune system disorder. The two of us got into an argument that started over furniture, of all things, and eventually, before it was over, led to me quitting the family business.
I was the operations manager of their trucking company. I did all of their dispatching, payroll, human resources, etc. I was the business. My father was out of state with a load, and my brother, still asleep at three in the afternoon. It was Thursday(payday), and times tough with the business. We didn't have enough to pay all the drivers. I really left them high and dry. So, in no uncertain terms, by leaving the business, I was also leaving the family. I was getting so tired of living a double life. By that time, I had been out of the church for 10 years, but still had to act like a Witness during the day.
I later found out that my parents had my little brother, who was 26 at the time, take over for my position with the company. They went bankrupt a little more than three months later. They lost their house, their two cars, and their fleet of trucks. He wasn't paying attention with the payroll software and inadvertently overpaid a number of the drivers tens of thousands of dollars.
I didn't speak with my mother again until the day after my daughter was born. I simply sent her an email with a picture of my little girl with her date of birth, name and weight. Two minutes later, I received an email response that simply said "Thank you".
Over the next couple of months, we slowly started exchanging email. I started to fill her in on the information on where I was and how I was now a husband and father. She started to fill me in on how they had all moved to the East Coast to be closer to my nieces during my little brother's custody battle.
Things started going well. For the most part, she kept religion out of the conversation. I kept out religion and politics. We had a couple of conversations that were surprisingly candid. She apologized for raising me the way she did. She explained that she did what she thought was right; that she did the best she could. I started to understand my mother.
I realized that all along, she had her issues as well. Looking back, she never really was all that stable mentally. She has always had issues with depression and alcoholism. I would also say that she was probably Bipolar. She needed that church as much as they needed her. It was a family to her. She needed structure, and found it there. Honestly, I think she would probably leave the church if she had the ability to think for herself, but it has been a part of her life for so long she wouldn't know what to do without it.
Occasionally, the crazy phone call or email would come through. I would get the "I'm not feeling right talking to you because you're not a Witness" line every now and then. Sometimes, she would even forget that she said that to me. Other times, she would pursue it. She thought that she would be able to end her communication with me but keep a relationship with my wife and daughter. I had to explain to her that family doesn't work that way. You can't pick and choose who you want to associate with and who you don't. My family is a package deal. It was all or none. She couldn't understand that concept. She didn't think that was fair.
Fast forward to June of this year. I'm at a movie with my wife, daughter, and my wife's nephew from out of town. I start getting text messages from my mom. She tells me that there is something she wants to tell me regarding my ex sister-in-law and an upcoming court hearing for custody. My brother and her have been fighting for those girls for years. My ex sis is OK. She really isn't that good of a mother, but when I wasn't talking to my mom for those three years, we kept in contact and she let me talk to my nieces on a regular basis.
Side note: My nieces have been through pure shit during this whole time. Their dad is an alcoholic, addict, deadbeat. Their mom lets them go to school in winter wearing shorts and sandals. My mom cares more about their well being than their parents. Their parents are in a pissing contest. Both girls are showing signs of serious mental issues already at 7 and 5. One will be pregnant at 14 and a stripper at 16...the other will end up being institutionalized.
My mom starts saying that she really wants to tell me but she doesn't trust me that I won't go and tell my ex sister-in-law. I ask her what would give her that idea. She says, "Because of what happened". "What happened", meaning me leaving the business back in January of 2006. She wants to tell me a secret, but can't trust me with information because of that day. I explain to her that I am actually in a movie theater, and that I will email her later that night.
I actually am so angry, it takes me two days to email her. I first talk to my therapist to see if it's even a good idea to say what I want to say knowing how she will likely take it. There are some things in the response that I intentionally say just to get a point across. For example, I have never, in my 34 years, purposely cursed at my mother. Here is the email in it's entirety:
"sorry i didnt get back to you yesterday.....was sort of a crazy day. about our conversation on wednesday night....the only thing i can say is whatever....
just in the last week, things have gotten to a point with jessi where she cant handle having the dog and the baby in the same room.....at the moment i have both of them crying and she's in bed.....she's lost it.....
i'm crazy on top of it all.....my life is quickly going to shit.....we cant pay our bills...our van will likely be repossessed in the next couple of weeks....we had to do a payday loan so we could buy groceries for the next week...we have $30 in the bank to last us a week and both cars are on empty and i have a therapy appt next tuesday.....
im not getting a paycheck next friday because my short term extension wont be approved until after payroll is sent out.....and jessi's is gonna be short... maybe 800 total....so we're gonna have to do another payday loan next week to pay rent.....
i have my psychiatrist and my Mayo neurologist arguing over treatment because they disagree over what i actually have....in the meantime my ticks are getting worse......and im not able to hold a job of any kind......
so....when it comes to your "moral dilemmas" or your "trust issues" with me.....i really could care....trust me or dont.....talk to me or dont....i just honestly dont have the energy or the ability to care at the moment.....that is at the bottom of my priority list right now.....ive got more important things to focus on......
go to www.youtube.com/thedailytwitch to see what's going on in my world....
i love you"
The Youtube link used to link up to an old page of mine that no longer exists. I haven't heard from her since. At this point, the ball is in her court. Since the email was sent out, I have been diagnosed with both Tourette's and PTSD. The van was repossessed. We did make the rent payment, somehow, but have struggled to make each subsequent rent payment. I am at a point in my life where I don't know if I'll ever be able to work again.
So, the email still rings true. To quote a line from Jack Nicholson in 'As Good As It Gets': "Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here".
I've been thinking about it and contemplating it for a couple of weeks now and figured it is finally time to go there.
January 6, 2006, I was working in the office of the family business. My mom had just gotten home from the hospital the previous day, after spending 9 weeks practically locked in a room with a mysterious immune system disorder. The two of us got into an argument that started over furniture, of all things, and eventually, before it was over, led to me quitting the family business.
I was the operations manager of their trucking company. I did all of their dispatching, payroll, human resources, etc. I was the business. My father was out of state with a load, and my brother, still asleep at three in the afternoon. It was Thursday(payday), and times tough with the business. We didn't have enough to pay all the drivers. I really left them high and dry. So, in no uncertain terms, by leaving the business, I was also leaving the family. I was getting so tired of living a double life. By that time, I had been out of the church for 10 years, but still had to act like a Witness during the day.
I later found out that my parents had my little brother, who was 26 at the time, take over for my position with the company. They went bankrupt a little more than three months later. They lost their house, their two cars, and their fleet of trucks. He wasn't paying attention with the payroll software and inadvertently overpaid a number of the drivers tens of thousands of dollars.
I didn't speak with my mother again until the day after my daughter was born. I simply sent her an email with a picture of my little girl with her date of birth, name and weight. Two minutes later, I received an email response that simply said "Thank you".
Over the next couple of months, we slowly started exchanging email. I started to fill her in on the information on where I was and how I was now a husband and father. She started to fill me in on how they had all moved to the East Coast to be closer to my nieces during my little brother's custody battle.
Things started going well. For the most part, she kept religion out of the conversation. I kept out religion and politics. We had a couple of conversations that were surprisingly candid. She apologized for raising me the way she did. She explained that she did what she thought was right; that she did the best she could. I started to understand my mother.
I realized that all along, she had her issues as well. Looking back, she never really was all that stable mentally. She has always had issues with depression and alcoholism. I would also say that she was probably Bipolar. She needed that church as much as they needed her. It was a family to her. She needed structure, and found it there. Honestly, I think she would probably leave the church if she had the ability to think for herself, but it has been a part of her life for so long she wouldn't know what to do without it.
Occasionally, the crazy phone call or email would come through. I would get the "I'm not feeling right talking to you because you're not a Witness" line every now and then. Sometimes, she would even forget that she said that to me. Other times, she would pursue it. She thought that she would be able to end her communication with me but keep a relationship with my wife and daughter. I had to explain to her that family doesn't work that way. You can't pick and choose who you want to associate with and who you don't. My family is a package deal. It was all or none. She couldn't understand that concept. She didn't think that was fair.
Fast forward to June of this year. I'm at a movie with my wife, daughter, and my wife's nephew from out of town. I start getting text messages from my mom. She tells me that there is something she wants to tell me regarding my ex sister-in-law and an upcoming court hearing for custody. My brother and her have been fighting for those girls for years. My ex sis is OK. She really isn't that good of a mother, but when I wasn't talking to my mom for those three years, we kept in contact and she let me talk to my nieces on a regular basis.
Side note: My nieces have been through pure shit during this whole time. Their dad is an alcoholic, addict, deadbeat. Their mom lets them go to school in winter wearing shorts and sandals. My mom cares more about their well being than their parents. Their parents are in a pissing contest. Both girls are showing signs of serious mental issues already at 7 and 5. One will be pregnant at 14 and a stripper at 16...the other will end up being institutionalized.
My mom starts saying that she really wants to tell me but she doesn't trust me that I won't go and tell my ex sister-in-law. I ask her what would give her that idea. She says, "Because of what happened". "What happened", meaning me leaving the business back in January of 2006. She wants to tell me a secret, but can't trust me with information because of that day. I explain to her that I am actually in a movie theater, and that I will email her later that night.
I actually am so angry, it takes me two days to email her. I first talk to my therapist to see if it's even a good idea to say what I want to say knowing how she will likely take it. There are some things in the response that I intentionally say just to get a point across. For example, I have never, in my 34 years, purposely cursed at my mother. Here is the email in it's entirety:
"sorry i didnt get back to you yesterday.....was sort of a crazy day. about our conversation on wednesday night....the only thing i can say is whatever....
just in the last week, things have gotten to a point with jessi where she cant handle having the dog and the baby in the same room.....at the moment i have both of them crying and she's in bed.....she's lost it.....
i'm crazy on top of it all.....my life is quickly going to shit.....we cant pay our bills...our van will likely be repossessed in the next couple of weeks....we had to do a payday loan so we could buy groceries for the next week...we have $30 in the bank to last us a week and both cars are on empty and i have a therapy appt next tuesday.....
im not getting a paycheck next friday because my short term extension wont be approved until after payroll is sent out.....and jessi's is gonna be short... maybe 800 total....so we're gonna have to do another payday loan next week to pay rent.....
i have my psychiatrist and my Mayo neurologist arguing over treatment because they disagree over what i actually have....in the meantime my ticks are getting worse......and im not able to hold a job of any kind......
so....when it comes to your "moral dilemmas" or your "trust issues" with me.....i really could care....trust me or dont.....talk to me or dont....i just honestly dont have the energy or the ability to care at the moment.....that is at the bottom of my priority list right now.....ive got more important things to focus on......
go to www.youtube.com/thedailytwitch to see what's going on in my world....
i love you"
The Youtube link used to link up to an old page of mine that no longer exists. I haven't heard from her since. At this point, the ball is in her court. Since the email was sent out, I have been diagnosed with both Tourette's and PTSD. The van was repossessed. We did make the rent payment, somehow, but have struggled to make each subsequent rent payment. I am at a point in my life where I don't know if I'll ever be able to work again.
So, the email still rings true. To quote a line from Jack Nicholson in 'As Good As It Gets': "Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here".
My Original Misdiagnosis
As I had posted earlier, my Tourette's tics had originally started to present themselves back in August of 2006. At the time, I had no idea what was going on. I never would have thought that it was Tourette's Syndrome. I just thought it was a stress related "twitch", and lord knows, I had some stress in my life.
I spoke to my psychiatrist about it, and he prescribed medications that practically made me a zombie.....let me back up a bit.
I've noticed a problem that is prevalent in the modern psychiatric practice these days...laziness. I was mistakenly diagnosed as being rapid cycling bipolar when I was 19. This was primarily because I told the doctor that my mind was racing most days(ADD), and I was depressed on a frequent basis, and that the two bounced back and forth. Looking back, I have never had a manic episode in my life. I have never been bipolar.
I move. I change doctors. My initial consultation with my new doctor is only twenty minutes. I am 24 or 26 now. I tell the doctor that I am still depressed but at 19, I was diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar. Instantly, without talking to me about my symptoms or my history, he assumes my medication isn't working. He prescribes a NEW mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, and anti-depressant. This happens until I am 33.
By the time I am 33, I have been on every major psychiatric drug on the market, 90% of which I probably should not have been on. So, I go into my doctor, tell them I'm twitching, the prescribe me another anti-psychotic, or another mood stabilizer. They treat it as a psychological issue for three years, and don't think to look into it as a neurological issue.
In April of this year, I am out on short term disability for depression and anxiety. I'm locking myself in the bathroom at work 5-6 times a day to have a panic attack, and, needless to say, my twitching is getting worse. I am also having an issue controlling my bowels(only in stressful situations), and this worries my primary physician. She sends me to a neurologist to get the nerves in my spine tested to make sure I do not have a condition called Cauda Equina. While at the neurologist, I ask him about my twitching, explain my history, and see if there is anything he can test for.
He immediately rules out Tourette's. You have to have the tics present in childhood for you to be diagnosed as TS. There is no such thing as "Adult Onset" Tourette's Syndrome. He sends me for a CAT Scan, an MRI, and an EEG. All come back normal. He's stumped. So he refers me to the Mayo Clinic.
I arrive at the Mayo Clinic on Cinco de Mayo. I go through my examination, and that day, I am twitching very badly. The doctor also says that because of the time of onset, I can't, by definition, have Tourette's. She asks me about my medication history. I explain to her the list of medications given to me, than in hindsight, were probably in error. Many of those medications were neuroleptics. Neuroleptics cause a neurological condition called Tardive Dyskinesia. That was my diagnosis.
I was thrilled to finally know what I was dealing with. To have a name to it. To know it was something that could be treated with medication and that it wasn't a tumor or something that was going to kill me. And then the next day I went on Youtube.
I pulled up videos of people with the condition. They looked nothing like me. They weren't dealing with anything like what I had. Tardive Dyskinesia affected the mouth and jaw more, making it look like you were chewing really slowly. Watch:
I felt really bad for these people. They were going through hell, but it was a different hell than the one I was in. I had never seen myself tic, and I was really apprehensive about documenting the tics myself, but I decided to record them. I set my wife's laptop up on the coffee table one afternoon, and, when I felt a tic coming, ran over and pushed record. This was the result:
I decided to get a second opinion. I was recommended a doctor by Barrow Neurological Institute. In the 90s, he used to be the director of their cognitive neurology department. Within 30 seconds of seeing me, he said "You have Tourette's". I said, "But I'm 34". He explained that, as a child I must have had it, but the tics were so minor that they were practically unnoticeable. Neurological disorders run in my family. My uncle has Parkinson's. My brother was also diagnosed with Tardive Dyskinesia, but with the information I have now, I'm sure it's also Tourette's Syndrome. Unfortunately, because of family issues, they don't know about my diagnosis. But that is reserved for another post.
As I have posted before, the medication has made some things better, some things worse. It is nice to have a name to what is bothering you; to know who it is that you are cursing. It makes it easier to control it, to live with it, and to get the support that you need. My long term disability paperwork is in final review. It should take 2-3 weeks to get an answer. I miss working. I miss being able to communicate face to face with the outside world. I miss being "normal" in a sense. Hell, I'm still getting used to the noises and the movements I make in public myself. But, as they say, all things get better with time.
I spoke to my psychiatrist about it, and he prescribed medications that practically made me a zombie.....let me back up a bit.
I've noticed a problem that is prevalent in the modern psychiatric practice these days...laziness. I was mistakenly diagnosed as being rapid cycling bipolar when I was 19. This was primarily because I told the doctor that my mind was racing most days(ADD), and I was depressed on a frequent basis, and that the two bounced back and forth. Looking back, I have never had a manic episode in my life. I have never been bipolar.
I move. I change doctors. My initial consultation with my new doctor is only twenty minutes. I am 24 or 26 now. I tell the doctor that I am still depressed but at 19, I was diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar. Instantly, without talking to me about my symptoms or my history, he assumes my medication isn't working. He prescribes a NEW mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, and anti-depressant. This happens until I am 33.
By the time I am 33, I have been on every major psychiatric drug on the market, 90% of which I probably should not have been on. So, I go into my doctor, tell them I'm twitching, the prescribe me another anti-psychotic, or another mood stabilizer. They treat it as a psychological issue for three years, and don't think to look into it as a neurological issue.
In April of this year, I am out on short term disability for depression and anxiety. I'm locking myself in the bathroom at work 5-6 times a day to have a panic attack, and, needless to say, my twitching is getting worse. I am also having an issue controlling my bowels(only in stressful situations), and this worries my primary physician. She sends me to a neurologist to get the nerves in my spine tested to make sure I do not have a condition called Cauda Equina. While at the neurologist, I ask him about my twitching, explain my history, and see if there is anything he can test for.
He immediately rules out Tourette's. You have to have the tics present in childhood for you to be diagnosed as TS. There is no such thing as "Adult Onset" Tourette's Syndrome. He sends me for a CAT Scan, an MRI, and an EEG. All come back normal. He's stumped. So he refers me to the Mayo Clinic.
I arrive at the Mayo Clinic on Cinco de Mayo. I go through my examination, and that day, I am twitching very badly. The doctor also says that because of the time of onset, I can't, by definition, have Tourette's. She asks me about my medication history. I explain to her the list of medications given to me, than in hindsight, were probably in error. Many of those medications were neuroleptics. Neuroleptics cause a neurological condition called Tardive Dyskinesia. That was my diagnosis.
I was thrilled to finally know what I was dealing with. To have a name to it. To know it was something that could be treated with medication and that it wasn't a tumor or something that was going to kill me. And then the next day I went on Youtube.
I pulled up videos of people with the condition. They looked nothing like me. They weren't dealing with anything like what I had. Tardive Dyskinesia affected the mouth and jaw more, making it look like you were chewing really slowly. Watch:
I felt really bad for these people. They were going through hell, but it was a different hell than the one I was in. I had never seen myself tic, and I was really apprehensive about documenting the tics myself, but I decided to record them. I set my wife's laptop up on the coffee table one afternoon, and, when I felt a tic coming, ran over and pushed record. This was the result:
I decided to get a second opinion. I was recommended a doctor by Barrow Neurological Institute. In the 90s, he used to be the director of their cognitive neurology department. Within 30 seconds of seeing me, he said "You have Tourette's". I said, "But I'm 34". He explained that, as a child I must have had it, but the tics were so minor that they were practically unnoticeable. Neurological disorders run in my family. My uncle has Parkinson's. My brother was also diagnosed with Tardive Dyskinesia, but with the information I have now, I'm sure it's also Tourette's Syndrome. Unfortunately, because of family issues, they don't know about my diagnosis. But that is reserved for another post.
As I have posted before, the medication has made some things better, some things worse. It is nice to have a name to what is bothering you; to know who it is that you are cursing. It makes it easier to control it, to live with it, and to get the support that you need. My long term disability paperwork is in final review. It should take 2-3 weeks to get an answer. I miss working. I miss being able to communicate face to face with the outside world. I miss being "normal" in a sense. Hell, I'm still getting used to the noises and the movements I make in public myself. But, as they say, all things get better with time.
Hitler Finds Out "Balloon Boy" Was A Hoax
Usually, when it comes to anything, I wouldn't side with a genocidal psychopath, and someone who has a permanent spot in the top 3 as "Worst Human Ever". In this instance, though, I must say that Hitler brings up some very strong points, better than I've heard from Nancy Grace at least. Very funny:
This is the first 'Flight of the Navigator' reference I've heard in 15 years! I used to love that movie! Seriously....FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR?!?! Is that even on Blu-ray?(According to Amazon.com...no) This is easily the best parody video I have seen in years. Wonderful job with the subtitles. I accidentally came across it this morning and liked it so much, immediately viewed it two more times. Just thought I would share.
This is the first 'Flight of the Navigator' reference I've heard in 15 years! I used to love that movie! Seriously....FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR?!?! Is that even on Blu-ray?(According to Amazon.com...no) This is easily the best parody video I have seen in years. Wonderful job with the subtitles. I accidentally came across it this morning and liked it so much, immediately viewed it two more times. Just thought I would share.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Somehow This Is Funny To People
According to popular opinion in the world, this seems to be the funniest viral video on the web at the moment. This 4:02 video of a man that is so drunk, he can't even walk the twenty feet required to get to the cooler to buy more beer, has received almost 2.2 million hits, and has been tweaked and remixed to feature a variety of funny or inappropriate soundtracks to go along with the video.
What's even sadder to me than this man falling over shelves, knocking things over, falling and being unable to get up, is that no one assists him. They ignore him. Finally, at about 3:45 into the clip, an older gentleman tries to help him, to no avail. No one knows who this guy is, but most comments on Youtube are along the lines of, "Man, that's hilarious", instead of "I hope that guy is alright".
It's depressing that in today's society, seeing a man fall over himself at 10 in the morning, trying to get more beer brings on laughter, instead of pity. People email their friend with a link of the clip instead of a link to Alcoholics Anonymous. People help their friends out on Friday night by blowing into their State ordered breathalyzer ignition system after going out, instead of helping them check into rehab.
People say that I have a sick sense of humor, but even I have my limits.
Songs That Get Under Your Skin - Unexpected Entry
When Gnarls Barkley released their single 'Crazy' back in May of 2006, I instantly connected to it. From the very first verse, they had a life long fan. With Cee-Lo Green's vocals, and Danger Mouse's arrangements, it was something that had never the likes had never been heard of before on radio. And the video, with the ever changing Rorschach test incorporating the members of the band with various images...spellbinding.
Last night, while searching Youtube for a video for 'Trouble', I came across a cover of 'Crazy' by Ray Lamontagne. It was as if he was the songwriter. Whereas Cee-Lo gave the impression that he had become comfortable with his mental issues, Lamontagne sings the song as if he is not only comfortable, but thrives off the instability. He has been so familiar with this "crazy" for such a long period of time that it is part of him now. He is in control of it. It doesn't control him. It's that kind of vibe that he gives with his vocals, that feeling that it is so much a part of him, that it is ingrained in him, that makes the song almost uncomfortable to listen to. I absolutely loved it. I hope you do to.
Side note: I've looked everywhere. I cannot find a website(ITunes, Amazon, Rhapsody, etc.) where this song is available.
Last night, while searching Youtube for a video for 'Trouble', I came across a cover of 'Crazy' by Ray Lamontagne. It was as if he was the songwriter. Whereas Cee-Lo gave the impression that he had become comfortable with his mental issues, Lamontagne sings the song as if he is not only comfortable, but thrives off the instability. He has been so familiar with this "crazy" for such a long period of time that it is part of him now. He is in control of it. It doesn't control him. It's that kind of vibe that he gives with his vocals, that feeling that it is so much a part of him, that it is ingrained in him, that makes the song almost uncomfortable to listen to. I absolutely loved it. I hope you do to.
Side note: I've looked everywhere. I cannot find a website(ITunes, Amazon, Rhapsody, etc.) where this song is available.
File Under: Oh Dear God!
A Baptist church in Canton, NC, is starting a new tradition this Halloween. They're having a good, old fashioned book burning. OK. So...nothing new. This one is different though. These guys are burning bibles. Yes, you read correctly, BIBLES; probably causing God himself to rest his head in his hands, shake his head, and say "Jesus Christ".
They consider all translations of the bible other than the King James to be inferior, and therefore, satanic. Not only are they burning bibles, but they're also lighting up books by authors such as Billy Graham, the Dalai Lama, and Mother Teresa, CDs of christian music, and many other "satanic" items.
The Associated Press covered the story and interviewed the pastor, one Marc Grizzard. He was nice enough to show up on camera wearing his Sunday best, a white t-shirt and overalls. I honestly do not know if the AP was intentionally making jokes at the pastor's expense, but I did notice something pretty funny in the video. At the :41 mark, the reporter uses the words "spells it out" just as the camera pans over the word "contempory" on the announcement. I think the word he was going for was "contemporary". At this point, I can't even tell if I spelled it correctly, but my spell check hasn't underlined it.
Interesting side point: At the :12-:15 mark in the video, you see the NWT mentioned. That stands for the "New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures" aka The Jehovah's Witness bible. Personally, based on my experience, that translation has been tampered with, primarily with the addition of "God's name" added in places that it was uncalled for or didn't exist. So, Mr. Grizzard, you can burn all of that particular "contempory" translation you would like you. Oh, and could you throw in a couple of Amy Grant CDs in for me? Thanks.
They consider all translations of the bible other than the King James to be inferior, and therefore, satanic. Not only are they burning bibles, but they're also lighting up books by authors such as Billy Graham, the Dalai Lama, and Mother Teresa, CDs of christian music, and many other "satanic" items.
The Associated Press covered the story and interviewed the pastor, one Marc Grizzard. He was nice enough to show up on camera wearing his Sunday best, a white t-shirt and overalls. I honestly do not know if the AP was intentionally making jokes at the pastor's expense, but I did notice something pretty funny in the video. At the :41 mark, the reporter uses the words "spells it out" just as the camera pans over the word "contempory" on the announcement. I think the word he was going for was "contemporary". At this point, I can't even tell if I spelled it correctly, but my spell check hasn't underlined it.
Interesting side point: At the :12-:15 mark in the video, you see the NWT mentioned. That stands for the "New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures" aka The Jehovah's Witness bible. Personally, based on my experience, that translation has been tampered with, primarily with the addition of "God's name" added in places that it was uncalled for or didn't exist. So, Mr. Grizzard, you can burn all of that particular "contempory" translation you would like you. Oh, and could you throw in a couple of Amy Grant CDs in for me? Thanks.
86-Year-Old Vet On Gay Marriage: "What do you think I fought for in Omaha Beach?"
The following is a video of a man named Philip Spooner, a World War II veteran, life long Republican, and father of a gay son. It was filmed on April 22, 2009, as part of testimony for, and against, Maine's marriage equality bill.
Philip spends some time introducing himself, giving his background, which is extensive considering his years of service, and then starts to discuss his beliefs. I just wanted to give this man a hug. I am so happy to see that there are fathers and grandfathers(Republican no less), that are as caring and supportive as he is. It is truly touching. Towards the end of the video, if you look closely, you can see a tear roll off his nose as he is speaking. It's heartbreaking. Thank you Philip.
Philip spends some time introducing himself, giving his background, which is extensive considering his years of service, and then starts to discuss his beliefs. I just wanted to give this man a hug. I am so happy to see that there are fathers and grandfathers(Republican no less), that are as caring and supportive as he is. It is truly touching. Towards the end of the video, if you look closely, you can see a tear roll off his nose as he is speaking. It's heartbreaking. Thank you Philip.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I Am Developing New Tourette's Tics
As mentioned on 10/17/09, I saw my neurologist. He said there was a definite possibility that the word association issues that I have been having, the accents, the stuttering, may all be new forms of tics. My brain may be developing them in order to replace the motor tics that have gone away as a result of the medication.
Today, while eating lunch, I demonstrated a new tic. I started clapping my hands. It was extremely embarrassed, as it had never happened before.
I have no idea what is happening. It is as if you plug up one leak in a dam and the water finds a way to make it's way out of the dam. These tics want to escape my brain, my body, any way they can. It is becoming very frustrating.
I am supposed to be counter balancing my decrease in Topamax. I was taken from 375 to 300mg a day, and was supposed to be taking 10mg of Abilify to help with both minimizing the tics and to help with my PTSD. I can't afford the Abilify. I have been so tired lately, at all times of the day, so I'm not taking my anti-anxiety medication. I am constantly on edge and cranky, and l am starting to get discouraged with my new daily reality.
My long term disability was supposed to be approved or denied the day before yesterday, but I haven't received word yet. I am hoping I can at least get this part of things get this major stress in my life. I will keep you posted.
Today, while eating lunch, I demonstrated a new tic. I started clapping my hands. It was extremely embarrassed, as it had never happened before.
I have no idea what is happening. It is as if you plug up one leak in a dam and the water finds a way to make it's way out of the dam. These tics want to escape my brain, my body, any way they can. It is becoming very frustrating.
I am supposed to be counter balancing my decrease in Topamax. I was taken from 375 to 300mg a day, and was supposed to be taking 10mg of Abilify to help with both minimizing the tics and to help with my PTSD. I can't afford the Abilify. I have been so tired lately, at all times of the day, so I'm not taking my anti-anxiety medication. I am constantly on edge and cranky, and l am starting to get discouraged with my new daily reality.
My long term disability was supposed to be approved or denied the day before yesterday, but I haven't received word yet. I am hoping I can at least get this part of things get this major stress in my life. I will keep you posted.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Autobiographical Songs Part V
It seems like from day one of our relationship, my wife and I have been on our own. We have had no one else to count on. Shortly after we met, I lost my family. Hers were in Iowa. We had a number of acquaintances, but no real "friends" to count on, for the most part. Just the two of us, for the better part of four years.
Somehow, we made it. Everyday, our love for each other stronger than the last. We have always been told that we have the perfect relationship...the type of marriage you only see in the movies. We've been together for a little over four years and have never had a fight. We very rarely, if ever, raise our voices around each other. She's into video games. I like to help her pick out clothes. It just works.
The song I am writing about tonight is "our song", 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. Had we had a "traditional" wedding, this would have been the first dance at our reception. Instead of marrying in Vegas as planned, we got married in our kitchen, the night after Thanksgiving, by our friend Lindsay, with two witnesses in attendance to sign the license. Instead of champagne and wedding cake, we each had a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream.
The song is very simple in it's writing style. It's not overly flowery or wordy. That, I think, is what I like about it. It gets to the point. The first verse describes us perfectly:
"We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone"
We have been through more drama in the four short years that we have been together, than some couples see in a lifetime. Six, count them, six moves, two of which were long distance. Not to mention the loss of my family. The stress associated with the loss of a job and the subsequent unemployment. Pregnancy and the birth of our baby girl. Then my medical/mental issues came to the forefront. We're now dealing with the consequences associated with that. A couple of months ago we lost the family van. Last Friday, I received the last paycheck from my employer that I'll ever get. My career is over. I am expecting a decision from MetLife within the next 24-48 hours with a decision as to whether my long term disability has been approved. Since I can no longer care for myself, we're discussing the possibility of having my wife quit her job to become a caretaker of sorts. So, her career is so to end as well.
My favorite line from the song is one that has been edited out of the U.S. single and radio versions heard here in the States. It says, "I need your grace to remind me to find my own". Just being in my wife's presence makes me a better person. She makes me want to be a better human being. I am who I am today because of her. I wouldn't care about anyone in this world other than myself if it wasn't for trying to copy her selfless attitude, and I don't thank her enough for that. She is the greatest "human" I have ever personally had the pleasure of knowing, and I'm so happy I have her here to instill her values and morals in my daughter and keep me in check as well. I love you Jessi...I knew it from the moment I first saw your eyes.
It took me forever to find the U.K. version of the song. It includes the extra line. Enjoy.
Here is a pic of the two of us from a much less stressful time. It was taken in a photo booth at the 2007 New Mexico State Fair just weeks before we were married. We were a little more punk then and a little less crazy. The pic is currently on our refrigerator. I still smile every time I get the milk.
Somehow, we made it. Everyday, our love for each other stronger than the last. We have always been told that we have the perfect relationship...the type of marriage you only see in the movies. We've been together for a little over four years and have never had a fight. We very rarely, if ever, raise our voices around each other. She's into video games. I like to help her pick out clothes. It just works.
The song I am writing about tonight is "our song", 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. Had we had a "traditional" wedding, this would have been the first dance at our reception. Instead of marrying in Vegas as planned, we got married in our kitchen, the night after Thanksgiving, by our friend Lindsay, with two witnesses in attendance to sign the license. Instead of champagne and wedding cake, we each had a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream.
The song is very simple in it's writing style. It's not overly flowery or wordy. That, I think, is what I like about it. It gets to the point. The first verse describes us perfectly:
"We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone"
We have been through more drama in the four short years that we have been together, than some couples see in a lifetime. Six, count them, six moves, two of which were long distance. Not to mention the loss of my family. The stress associated with the loss of a job and the subsequent unemployment. Pregnancy and the birth of our baby girl. Then my medical/mental issues came to the forefront. We're now dealing with the consequences associated with that. A couple of months ago we lost the family van. Last Friday, I received the last paycheck from my employer that I'll ever get. My career is over. I am expecting a decision from MetLife within the next 24-48 hours with a decision as to whether my long term disability has been approved. Since I can no longer care for myself, we're discussing the possibility of having my wife quit her job to become a caretaker of sorts. So, her career is so to end as well.
My favorite line from the song is one that has been edited out of the U.S. single and radio versions heard here in the States. It says, "I need your grace to remind me to find my own". Just being in my wife's presence makes me a better person. She makes me want to be a better human being. I am who I am today because of her. I wouldn't care about anyone in this world other than myself if it wasn't for trying to copy her selfless attitude, and I don't thank her enough for that. She is the greatest "human" I have ever personally had the pleasure of knowing, and I'm so happy I have her here to instill her values and morals in my daughter and keep me in check as well. I love you Jessi...I knew it from the moment I first saw your eyes.
It took me forever to find the U.K. version of the song. It includes the extra line. Enjoy.
Here is a pic of the two of us from a much less stressful time. It was taken in a photo booth at the 2007 New Mexico State Fair just weeks before we were married. We were a little more punk then and a little less crazy. The pic is currently on our refrigerator. I still smile every time I get the milk.
Bigotry In The News 10/17/09 - Update
Ceara Sturgis, the young woman in Mississippi whose yearbook picture was pulled because she posed in a tuxedo, has received a ruling from the superintendent of her school board. The school board has decided to uphold their ruling, according to local news sources.
In a statement released Friday to the Copiah County Courier, school Superintendent Ricky Clopton said the district has no intention of reversing its decision. "We have had our legal counsel research the validity of the position of the School District on this matter," he said in the statement. "We are informed by counsel that this exact issue has been litigated in federal court. The decisions of the federal courts completely support the policy of the district in this regard. It is the desire of the Copiah County School District to inform, first, the patrons of the district, and second, all other interested parties, that its position is not arbitrary, capricious or unlawful, but is based upon sound educational policy and legal precedent."
They're treating this as a dress code issue, nothing more, completely ignoring the sexual orientation undertones of the story. Ceara was featured today in USA Today, and currently has a Facebook fan page, which, at the time of this post, is nearing 1100 fans. Good luck in your fight Ceara.
In a statement released Friday to the Copiah County Courier, school Superintendent Ricky Clopton said the district has no intention of reversing its decision. "We have had our legal counsel research the validity of the position of the School District on this matter," he said in the statement. "We are informed by counsel that this exact issue has been litigated in federal court. The decisions of the federal courts completely support the policy of the district in this regard. It is the desire of the Copiah County School District to inform, first, the patrons of the district, and second, all other interested parties, that its position is not arbitrary, capricious or unlawful, but is based upon sound educational policy and legal precedent."
They're treating this as a dress code issue, nothing more, completely ignoring the sexual orientation undertones of the story. Ceara was featured today in USA Today, and currently has a Facebook fan page, which, at the time of this post, is nearing 1100 fans. Good luck in your fight Ceara.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Einstein: God Is Nothing More Than Human Weakness
I've heard people say that Einstein was a religious man. Many people say that it is possible to be a man of faith and a man of science. If Einstein was capable of being a man of faith, and perhaps the greatest mind the world has ever seen, there may be truth to it.
I have been following a blog calledLetters of Note in recent weeks. It features primarily historical letters from historical figures. The letters are mostly entertaining, thought provoking, or historically noteworthy. The following is from their posting from October 7th. It is a letter from Albert Einstein to philosopher Erik Gutkind after reading his book, 'Choose Life: The Biblical Call to Revolt'. The feature that makes this website interesting is that they have a photocopy of the letter itself, followed by the transcript. The transcript reads as follows:
"Princeton, 3. 1. 1954
Dear Mr Gutkind,
Inspired by Brouwer’s repeated suggestion, I read a great deal in your book, and thank you very much for lending it to me ... With regard to the factual attitude to life and to the human community we have a great deal in common. Your personal ideal with its striving for freedom from ego-oriented desires, for making life beautiful and noble, with an emphasis on the purely human element ... unites us as having an “American Attitude.”
Still, without Brouwer’s suggestion I would never have gotten myself to engage intensively with your book because it is written in a language inaccessible to me. The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weakness, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still purely primitive, legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this. ... For me the Jewish religion like all other religions is an incarnation of the most childish superstition. And the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong ... have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are also no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything “chosen” about them.
In general I find it painful that you claim a privileged position and try to defend it by two walls of pride, an external one as a man and an internal one as a Jew. As a man you claim, so to speak, a dispensation from causality otherwise accepted, as a Jew of monotheism. But a limited causality is no longer a causality at all, as our wonderful Spinoza recognized with all incision...
Now that I have quite openly stated our differences in intellectual convictions it is still clear to me that we are quite close to each other in essential things, i.e. in our evaluation of human behavior ... I think that we would understand each other quite well if we talked about concrete things.
With friendly thanks and best wishes,
Yours,
A. Einstein"
Apparently, Einstein did see some value in the Bible, but no more than one would see in, say, Aesop's Fables. So, can a man of faith be a man of science? Do science and religion mix? Einstein didn't think so.
I have been following a blog calledLetters of Note in recent weeks. It features primarily historical letters from historical figures. The letters are mostly entertaining, thought provoking, or historically noteworthy. The following is from their posting from October 7th. It is a letter from Albert Einstein to philosopher Erik Gutkind after reading his book, 'Choose Life: The Biblical Call to Revolt'. The feature that makes this website interesting is that they have a photocopy of the letter itself, followed by the transcript. The transcript reads as follows:
"Princeton, 3. 1. 1954
Dear Mr Gutkind,
Inspired by Brouwer’s repeated suggestion, I read a great deal in your book, and thank you very much for lending it to me ... With regard to the factual attitude to life and to the human community we have a great deal in common. Your personal ideal with its striving for freedom from ego-oriented desires, for making life beautiful and noble, with an emphasis on the purely human element ... unites us as having an “American Attitude.”
Still, without Brouwer’s suggestion I would never have gotten myself to engage intensively with your book because it is written in a language inaccessible to me. The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weakness, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still purely primitive, legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this. ... For me the Jewish religion like all other religions is an incarnation of the most childish superstition. And the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong ... have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are also no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything “chosen” about them.
In general I find it painful that you claim a privileged position and try to defend it by two walls of pride, an external one as a man and an internal one as a Jew. As a man you claim, so to speak, a dispensation from causality otherwise accepted, as a Jew of monotheism. But a limited causality is no longer a causality at all, as our wonderful Spinoza recognized with all incision...
Now that I have quite openly stated our differences in intellectual convictions it is still clear to me that we are quite close to each other in essential things, i.e. in our evaluation of human behavior ... I think that we would understand each other quite well if we talked about concrete things.
With friendly thanks and best wishes,
Yours,
A. Einstein"
Apparently, Einstein did see some value in the Bible, but no more than one would see in, say, Aesop's Fables. So, can a man of faith be a man of science? Do science and religion mix? Einstein didn't think so.
A Very Tough Question From A Brave Little Boy
Tyren Scott, a nine year old boy from Paulina, Louisiana, was selected to ask the last question at a public meeting that President Obama was holding in New Orleans on Thursday. Finally, after nine long months, it took a timid fourth grader wearing his Sunday best to publicly ask what every Democrat has been wondering lately: "Why do people hate you? They're supposed to love you, and God is love."
Obama's response:
Obama's response:
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