Adam Lambert's New Album

I'm not a fan of American Idol. It seems to be more of a popularity contest than it is a talent competition. Half the times I have seen it, I look at the screen and try to figure out in my head how America has picked the season winner. Case in point: Ruben Studdard, that one guy that looks like he's 50...I can't even remember his name now...Taylor something....., and the guy that won this last season. Again, I have no idea what his name is. Maybe it's because they're on season 9 or 10 of a show that wore out it's novelty at season 3. Or maybe it's because the wrong guy won. Last season, I saw a total of ten to fifteen minutes of Idol, but I could have told you that the most talented person there was Adam Lambert. He also had the best chance of coming out of that show and having a multi-platinum, lifelong career.

That brings me to the story I read on Yahoo News last night. His label released the image of his album cover for his debut album yesterday. To be honest, at first I thought it was a joke.



Unfortunately for Adam, it's not. This is easily the worst album cover I have ever seen. It is so over the top, it doesn't even look professional. It looks like a fan made picture that should be in a locker...circa 1981. The only thing that is missing is Ziggy Stardust riding on a Pegasus in the background. I have heard so many good things about this album....unfortunately, I will not be buying it. Consider that an ITunes download for me, thanks. In fact, I don't even know any gay men that are that comfortable with their sexuality to be willing to go into a Walmart and pick this one up. Something tells me this one will be huge on the digital market.

I understand the need to express yourself and be an individual and be comfortable with your sexuality. I'm cool with that. But you also have to understand marketing. Just because you're cool with that, doesn't necessarily mean John Doe in Birmingham, Alabama, is going to feel comfortable walking into a Best Buy and picking up a copy, no matter how much he may like your music. I guess all I can say is, thank god for the internet. LOL

Memos Regarding The Challenger Disaster

As I've related in previous postings, I follow a blog called Letters of Note. At times, the letters that they come across and post literally give me chills and make me ill. Yesterday's letter was a perfect example.

It was an internal memo from an engineer at a company called Morton Thiokol, to their Vice President. Morton Thiokol was the company that made the O rings for the space shuttles at NASA. This memo, dated July 31st, 1985, stated that there were known erosion issues with the primary and secondary O rings Morton Thiokol were supplying to NASA, and, until the issue could be resolved, all future flights should be suspended because there was a risk of "catastrophe of the highest order - loss of human life".

The memo was, in essence, ignored. Less than six months later, on January 28th, 1986, seven astronauts lost their lives when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded over Cape Canaveral, Florida, one minute and 18 seconds into its flight. The investigation into the accident concluded that O ring failure on one of the shuttles rocket boosters caused the explosion, which could have easily been prevented if this memo was taken to heart. Below is a photo of the memo itself followed by the transcript:




Transcript

Morton Thiokol, Inc
Wasatch Division

Interoffice Memo

31 July 1985
2870:FY86:073

TO: R. K. Lund
Vice President, Engineering

CC: B. C. Brinton, A. J. McDonald, L. H. Sayer, J. R. Kapp

FROM: R. M. Boisjoly
Applied Mechanics - Ext. 3525

SUBJECT: SRM O-Ring Erosion/Potential Failure Criticality

This letter is written to insure that management is fully aware of the seriousness of the current O-ring erosion problem in the SRM joints from an engineering standpoint.

The mistakenly accepted position on the joint problem was to fly without fear of failure and to run a series of design evaluations which would ultimately lead to a solution or at least a significant reduction of the erosion problem. This position is now drastically changed as a result of the SRM 16A nozzle joint erosion which eroded a secondary O-ring with the primary O-ring never sealing.

If the same scenario should occur in a field joint (and it could), then it is a jump ball as to the success or failure of the joint because the secondary O-ring cannot respond to the clevis opening rate and may not be capable of pressurization. The result would be a catastrophe of the highest order - loss of human life.

An unofficial team (a memo defining the team and its purpose was never published) with leader was formed on 19 July 1985 and was tasked with solving the problem for both the short and long term. This unofficial team is essentially nonexistent at this time. In my opinion, the team must be officially given the responsibility and the authority to execute the work that needs to be done on a non-interference basis (full time assignment until completed.)

It is my honest and very real fear that if we do not take immediate action to dedicate a team to solve the problem with the field joint having the number one priority, then we stand in jeopardy of losing a flight along with all the launch pad facilities.

(Signed)

R. M. Boisjoly

Concurred by:

(Signed)

J. R. Kapp, Manager
Applied Mechanics

Takes More Talent Than 'Guitar Hero'

I came across this video a couple of days ago on a video game website. A soccer team in the U.K. modified a 'Guitar Hero'-type video game to see if they were able to put their own little spin on it.

Don't get me wrong. I am a huge fan of music based video games. I think they have done an amazing job of getting children interested in music and musical instruments in recent years. If not for games like 'Guitar Hero' and 'RockBand', school music programs would be suffering much more than what they already are. That interest is keeping them funded. I also think that those games are being played to an extent that children are no longer getting exercise. I am guilty of it too. That being said, I would like to see an 8 year old do this on expert and put it up on Youtube:

Two Really Cool Blogs To Check Out

...but still read mine...please.

First up, a blog about the inner workings of all things Disney. The way that Disney kept secrets, they had a history of being locked down tighter than most government agencies. It is amazing how much inside information this blog has about Disney parks and studios, and it's a really interesting read. For example: do you know the story behind all of the tombstones outside the Haunted Mansion? Or, did you know that the cars at the Autopia at Disneyland originally weren't attached to the track?

This blog has a listing of every ride ever created for the Disney parks, every change of design and, in some cases, every change in paint. It even has a list of those rides and exhibits that were designed and planned that, for one reason or another, never came to fruition. You can find the blog, 2719 Hyperion, here.

Secondly, is a blog that I came across as a result of the release of a book of the same name. 1001 Rules For My Unborn Son is one of those ideas that come along that you wish you would have come up with. It is absolutely brilliant. The blog itself is currently up to #401 as of the time of this posting, and it is some of the best advice I have seen. It should have been called, "How Not To Be A Douchebag". There have been a couple of rules that I don't necessarily agree with, such as "Always accept a drinking challenge", but, overall, it is amazing. Along with the rules are quotes from famous authors and celebrities that follow along with the rule of the day, as well as streaming MP3s that are "required listening". The book came out yesterday, and from what I've read so far, it would make the perfect present for the expecting dad. It's the blog I wish I would have been clever enough to come up with.

This Week's Sign Of The Impending Apocalypse

Straight from the manufacturer's website:



That's right....Now available for dogs...IT'S THE SNUGGIE!!!

Now your spouse and children aren't the only members of the family you can torture this holiday season. Now the dog can be included in all the embarrassment and misery that is the Snuggie. At least they were able to corner the pet market before the knock off companies came up with the idea.

It's Official - I'm Disabled

Big sigh of relief! I had my interview on Wednesday morning last week. My case manager told me it would take two to three weeks to reach a decision. They came to a decision and alerted my employer within a matter of about three hours. It was that much of an open and shut case. I knew I had some issues..but damn!! I contacted MetLife today, and they were able to verify that indeed I was approved. I contacted my former(I love saying that) employer's payroll department, and they were able to verify that they were notified by H.R. on Friday to remove me from payroll records. Nice thing about that is that I now have access to all the profit sharing funds that were contributed to my 401k. The "termination" was backdated to 10/16.

I have so many questions now for my case manager now, but he is out of the office on vacation until the 6th of November. Not that big of a deal I guess. I have, at least, the next 2 years off of work. I filled out the necessary paperwork for Social Security online over the weekend. Took a minimum of 10 hours of work. It was ridiculous. I then had to print up and fill out 24 pages of paperwork on top of that. Cost me almost $2.00 just to mail twenty miles. It's been a hectic weekend to put it lightly. Nice thing is, I have no deadlines; no assignments to do over the next 3 to 5 days. Just a therapy appointment on Wednesday. I'm going to bed in fact at 10:35 tonight, and have no reason to get up before 9am tomorrow. Good night.

A Dream Of Mine Came True Today

When 'Fantasia 2000' was released on January 1, 2000, I was excited to see it. Honestly, it was an average movie. By Disney standards, it was mediocre. It featured a number of classic pieces, including 'Pomp and Circumstance' and 'Rhapsody in Blue'. By far my favorite piece though, was the last one.

It was their interpretation of 'The Firebird Suite' by Igor Stravinsky. It featured an animation style so similar to Miyazaki, that many people thought he actually animated the segment. Needless to say, Miyazaki was not happy. In fact, he called the movie, "Disney's worst animated film: A technical prowess devoid of any feeling". The piece focuses on only two characters, a sprite and an elk, the sprite is completing her duty of awaking the springtime flowers and plants along the hillside and accidentally awakens a Firebird(volcano), which destroys all the life on the life on the hill and seemingly kills the sprite....you'll have to watch the rest to find out what happens next:



I remember seeing this in the theater and being so sad that I would never have a child to share this with, unaware that technology would eventually catch up and allow us to be able to see this in digital quality on big screen televisions. Today, my little girl saw it for the first time. She sat on my lap as I narrated the story to her. At the end of the video, she was headed out the back door to go play. She jumped out of my lap, ran to the TV, touched the screen and smiled, as if to say goodbye. Then she ran outside. It made me get choked up. She liked it. A dream of mine came true. That doesn't happen too often anymore.

Soundtrack of My Life 10/25/09 - Sting 'Fragile'

Depending on the phase of my life, I either absolutely love Sting, or absolutely loathe him. At the moment, I'm sort of in between. I've been thinking a lot about life...and health...and death lately. And, for some reason, this song came to mind.

'Fragile' was originally written about the assassination of John Lennon. The following video was recorded at a concert that was supposed to be telecast live worldwide. That ill-fated performance was scheduled to take place on the evening of September 11th 2001. Due to the events of that morning, Sting decided to perform this single song in memory of the victims of that day's terrorist attacks, then cut the live feed. This version of 'Fragile', I believe, later went on to win a Grammy for live performance.

I've Been Approved For Long Term Disability - I Think?

MetLife called me on 10/21/09, and did a phone interview with me regarding the Tourette's and the PTSD. The interview was scheduled to last 20 minutes, and ended up lasting and hour and ten minutes. My case manager told me that it would take the clinicians approximately two to three weeks to make their decision and let me know.

I go to my mailbox yesterday and I have a letter from my employer. I think, nothing new. I get two or three needless letters a week from them. I open this one up and the first thing I see is a pamphlet explaining my rights as a terminated employee. It is a letter from Human Resources saying that they received notification from MetLife on 10/21/09 that my claim for long term was approved. Don't get me wrong, I am super super excited, but something doesn't seem right. A two to three week approval process shortened to one day? If this is correct, I am shocked at how quickly it was able to go through and am absolutely thrilled that I don't have to go through this anymore with them. But something tells me that this letter was sent out prematurely. I have to wait until tomorrow to see if, indeed, this is true or not.

Wish me luck.

eta...I also have 12 pages of medical information and job history to fill out for the Social Security Administration today....might need more luck with that.

I'm At A Loss

Last week was pretty damn rough. Tuesday, we thought the baby had a UTI, and took her into the doctor. Turns out, she only had a yeast infection, but a nasty one. Wednesday, my wife had outpatient surgery at her dermatologist's office to remove two cysts on her scalp she's had since childhood. She was in so much pain afterward she almost passed out and was practically vomiting. Within 48 hours she had swelling on her forehead that was the size of an orange. The same day, my daughter developed what appeared to be a cold. It looked like it was getting better and now it's coming back with a cough. We're hoping it's not H1N1.

We're all sitting around in the living room yesterday, trying to do our best to recover from the previous week, when my wife gets a phone call. It's my mother in law. She's freaking out. Something had happened to Sandy, her best friend.

We had all met Sandy at the same time, at a farmer's market in Chandler. My wife and mother in law were tending a booth when she came up and had a couple of questions about what she needed to do to get a space of her own. My mother in law instantly connected with her. They became friends almost instantly. Over the course of the coming year, they practically became sisters. They either saw each other every day or talked on the phone. She got mom the job she has now. In fact, the only reason my wife is a Scentsy rep because she knew she would be working under her.

She was a few years older than mom, but you couldn't really tell. Blond hair. Glasses. Running her ass off every time I saw her, but always trying to smile. And the way that she interacted with my daughter, she gave off that "cool grandma" vibe. Just an all around good person.

She was in Casa Grande yesterday, doing a farmer's market in a Safeway parking lot. She had been doing this particular one for about a month now. She called mom at 2:45 yesterday afternoon to say hi and see how things were going. Sandy had just walked away from her booth and was going inside the Safeway to use the restroom. When she got inside the store, she said "I'll call you right back.", and hung up the phone. The phone rang back a couple of minutes later. It was coming from Sandy's cell. This time when mom answered, a man was on the other end. He said that a lady had passed out inside the store and they didn't know who she was. Mom told them where to find Marv, her husband outside. Sandy had had a heart attack.

After a few minutes, my wife and I started to think, regardless of how major or how minor the heart attack may be, there was no way she was going to be in any condition to pack her stuff up and bring it home. So we started making plans to go to Casa Grande to go get it. She usually packed everything up in her Mini Cooper, so getting it all in one car shouldn't be a problem. Between myself, my wife, mom and dad, we arranged to have me stay home with the baby, and mom and the wife head the 60 miles South to Casa Grande to pack up the stuff and bring it home. Mom and dad were at the sister in law's house at the time and we were all going to me at mom and dad's house.

We left our house, and were about a mile away when we got a call from dad. Just seeing that it was from dad, we knew the news was the worst. Mom was hysterical in the background. They had just received the phone call that Sandy had passed away. She had a massive heart attack. She apparently had died at the scene. We were at a loss. I felt so sorry for mom. Sandy was her only friend here in Arizona. I especially felt sorry for Marv. Although I had never met him, I was sort of seeing the situation through his eyes. Sandy had just quit smoking the month before. She was a month away from her 65th birthday. He was laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and they were planning on traveling the country together in their RV.

We had no idea the farmer's market was in the Safeway parking lot. The way that Sandy had described it in the past, it was across the street from Safeway, in a park or another parking lot. We knew she had Scentsy products with her, and she usually brought hundreds of handmade products to sell. Dad had said that they were too shaken up to go to Casa Grande, and I don't blame them. I started thinking though. What if all of her stuff gets stolen? Knowing how those Scentsy reps are, they've probably already looted the booth. They're like rabid hyena soccer moms. For Marv though, what if everything Sandy had made is there in that booth? I'm sure he would want something there to remember her by. We had to go to Casa Grande.

It was a nice drive. Even though the baby was sick, you could tell she enjoyed getting out of the house. We eventually found the Safeway there but no lot across the street. There was a trailer outside the Safeway selling Cokes and hotdogs. We asked them if they knew where the farmer's market was, and they said it was there in the parking lot. We asked if they knew about the lady that had the heart attack, and they said that her things were packed up and placed in the manager's office. Sandy had packed up so much stuff, that neither our car, or mom and dad's pickup, could carry it alone. We would have to come back with two vehicles.

The manager came out to talk to us in the parking lot. He was a body builder type wearing a Cardinals jersey. He was continuously choked up. He was unbelievably respectful and courteous. I really think that this was the first time that something like this had happened on his watch and he was freaking out a bit. He kept saying how hard they tried to revive her and how they tried CPR. We were almost comforting him as much as he was trying to comfort us. He explained that as soon as everything had happened, he sent employees out to the parking lot to pack up her things, take down her canopy, and bring it into the store. It is currently locked inside the manager's office. One of the assistant managers was even talking about selling hotdogs and Cokes at the store to raise money for the family. I was really impressed.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to take anything back with us, but we were able to verify that it was safe. We stopped to grab a pizza for mom, dad and Marv on the way home and met them at Sandy and Marv's house. Marv was so ill he refused to even accept the pizza at first. We explained that eventually he would get hungry, and if he wouldn't eat it, family and friends would be there that would. Mom, dad and the rest of us went to their place to try to relax for a few.

It was a very rough day, and at the end of it, when saying goodbye to mom, I hugged her and told her I loved her. She teared up a bit and told me she loved me. Although I have always known it, it was the first time I had actually heard those words from my mother in law. It was nice to have that validation. It made me smile. It made me cry.

Yesterday taught me two things. One, I'm getting older. As you get older, two things happen: More people that you know die, and those people are made up from the inner rings of those you care about as you get older. Let me explain. Everyone that you will ever know and that everyone you ever care about will ever know fits on the rings of a tree. At age 7, your best friend's great great aunt is on a much further ring out on level of importance, as say your best friend's mom at age 35. Make sense? The older you get, the more death you see, and the more significant those deaths are. As a child you may have a grandparent or two. As you're approaching your mid-thirties and early forties, your grandparents are usually already gone, your aunts and uncles start passing away, and you're preparing yourself for what to do when your folks die. I think that's what made 'Benjamin Button' such a good movie. He was getting younger, but he still had to deal with that horrible part of being an adult.

Secondly, I realized yesterday that my wife and I are good people. Neither of us had ever met Marv, and it occurred to me halfway to Casa Grande yesterday that I was doing this for him, and not for Sandy. I put myself in his shoes, as difficult as that was. Even when it comes to people who claim to be Christians, most of them do not live by the "golden rule". I try to treat others how I would like to be treated. I know that eventually doing good things will bring positive things in life. Call it Karma, whatever. I just know that, especially now, I have to try to set a good example for my daughter. Sure, I didn't HAVE to drive 120 miles round trip, and I didn't HAVE to buy pizza for her family, but it was a nice gesture, and it was was was necessary for the situation yesterday. And I'm proud of myself and my wife for taking that road trip.

Sandy, we will miss you. You treated my wife and I with kindness, and our daughter with love. Thank you.

Why Al Franken Will Someday Be The President Of The United States

I'm sure to get a comment on this one. I must say, this one came out of left field for me, too. When I heard he was running for a Senate seat in Minnesota, I didn't think he had a chance. "If he did win", I thought, "he's going to be an embarrassment to the Democratic party". After all, we're talking about a guy who made a living writing for Saturday Night Live. His only face time on the show was in a blond wig, saying, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me". Let's face it. He didn't exactly scream "future in politics" when you saw him.

After leaving SNL, he became a writer. He was definitely liberal, but came across as a smartass. His books were really humor, and could not be taken seriously. Then he started campaigning. He got to the issues, and all of a sudden he looked like a political contender. I was pleased to see him win his seat, just as much for the fact that he was number 60 as the fact that it gave him a chance to prove his critics wrong. And that is exactly what he did.....

Franken had a way of connecting with the people. When McCain was getting booed by his own constituents, Franken had a way of calming them down and having a civilized conversation with them. Look at how quickly he was able to disarm this heated situation:



He had a talent for playing the "new guy in the Senate/I don't know how things work around here" role. He knew how to lay back and play dumb and set the trap for the person he was questioning. Check out this clip of him questioning a Justice Department official on the constitutionality of the Patriot Act. Let's just say, the Judicial committee is a nightmare spot for him to be in if you're a Republican:



He is a Patriot, and truly cares for the American people. His first attempt at introducing a bill was an attachment on this year's most recent defense spending bill. His attachment was a stipulation that said that we withhold defense contracts from companies or contractors who make their employees sign paperwork as part of their employment agreement that states that if anything tragic happens to them while they are on the job or under employment, they are not allowed to sue the contractor. Rachel Maddow called it the "If you get gang raped on the job, you can't sue us clause". Sounds fair. It was actually introduced due to the story of a female contractor that was drugged and gang raped on her fourth day on the job by her own coworkers. After attempting to reach outside sources for medical help and to reach family members in the States, her employer KBR, a subsidiary of Halliburton, locked her in a shipping container and shipped her back to the U.S. Shockingly, 3/4 of the Republican Senators voting on this addendum voted NO! Here is video of Franken introducing the bill:



He's not afraid to just come out and bitch slap someone when he feels it necessary. Case in point, this testimony earlier this month regarding health care reform. The person being questioned was testifying that health care reform would result in a rise in bankruptcies from catastrophic medical expenses. Here is Senator Franken's line of questioning to follow. Absolutely brilliant:



And lastly, the man is brilliant. He has been doing this as a party trick for years, but it still shows his level of intelligence. When 50% of American adults cannot find the State of New York on a U.S. map, he should score in the upper 5 percentile of American minds to be able to do this and talk simultaneously:



So, in my opinion, is "Franken in 2016" a possibility? At this point, I don't see any other option for the Democratic party.

Fascinating Video On Dystonia

First off, let me start by saying it's always a good idea, considering the source, to take this with a grain of salt. News magazine shows like Inside Edition and A Current Affair made their reputations by making mountains out of molehills and vice versa. This is, after all, the birthplace of Bill O'Reilly.

The video tells the story of a young woman who, after getting a routine flu shot in August, developed dystonia 10 days later. It is a very interesting video. Unfortunately, all versions of the original video have been tampered with. At about the two minute mark, the audio has been altered to make it sound like they're saying that this SHOULD discourage people from getting the flu shot. This was not the case. Of all the videos and news stories on Youtube I found, Inside Edition actually had the least sensationalizing story available. Other "respected" news agencies were actually questioning whether flu shots were safe. This video focused more on her unusual symptoms, which is what I wanted to share:



The human body is an amazing thing. It works in mysterious, and often, misunderstood ways. This woman's symptoms disappear only while she is running. Mine disappear only when I am singing. I didn't start to notice my Tourette's tics until I was 31. By definition, Tourette's Syndrome must be diagnosed before the patient is 18. It develops in childhood. At this time, clinically, "adult onset Tourette's Syndrome" does not exist.

What I am saying is there is always a precedent. A young woman develops a severe, and extremely rare, neurological condition after a routine flu shot. It may never happen again, and probably won't, but it's possible. Anything is possible. For all we know she could have developed rabies from the flu shot, not likely, but possible. There is always room for a precedent. Never rule out a possibility, and just because something rare happens to an unlucky individual, don't think it's going to happen to you too. The odds of you dying from Swine Flu are far greater than you being diagnosed with dystonia after getting that flu shot. And frankly, I like those odds.

The Last Time I "Spoke" To My Mother

I knew this post was coming.

I've been thinking about it and contemplating it for a couple of weeks now and figured it is finally time to go there.

January 6, 2006, I was working in the office of the family business. My mom had just gotten home from the hospital the previous day, after spending 9 weeks practically locked in a room with a mysterious immune system disorder. The two of us got into an argument that started over furniture, of all things, and eventually, before it was over, led to me quitting the family business.

I was the operations manager of their trucking company. I did all of their dispatching, payroll, human resources, etc. I was the business. My father was out of state with a load, and my brother, still asleep at three in the afternoon. It was Thursday(payday), and times tough with the business. We didn't have enough to pay all the drivers. I really left them high and dry. So, in no uncertain terms, by leaving the business, I was also leaving the family. I was getting so tired of living a double life. By that time, I had been out of the church for 10 years, but still had to act like a Witness during the day.

I later found out that my parents had my little brother, who was 26 at the time, take over for my position with the company. They went bankrupt a little more than three months later. They lost their house, their two cars, and their fleet of trucks. He wasn't paying attention with the payroll software and inadvertently overpaid a number of the drivers tens of thousands of dollars.

I didn't speak with my mother again until the day after my daughter was born. I simply sent her an email with a picture of my little girl with her date of birth, name and weight. Two minutes later, I received an email response that simply said "Thank you".

Over the next couple of months, we slowly started exchanging email. I started to fill her in on the information on where I was and how I was now a husband and father. She started to fill me in on how they had all moved to the East Coast to be closer to my nieces during my little brother's custody battle.

Things started going well. For the most part, she kept religion out of the conversation. I kept out religion and politics. We had a couple of conversations that were surprisingly candid. She apologized for raising me the way she did. She explained that she did what she thought was right; that she did the best she could. I started to understand my mother.

I realized that all along, she had her issues as well. Looking back, she never really was all that stable mentally. She has always had issues with depression and alcoholism. I would also say that she was probably Bipolar. She needed that church as much as they needed her. It was a family to her. She needed structure, and found it there. Honestly, I think she would probably leave the church if she had the ability to think for herself, but it has been a part of her life for so long she wouldn't know what to do without it.

Occasionally, the crazy phone call or email would come through. I would get the "I'm not feeling right talking to you because you're not a Witness" line every now and then. Sometimes, she would even forget that she said that to me. Other times, she would pursue it. She thought that she would be able to end her communication with me but keep a relationship with my wife and daughter. I had to explain to her that family doesn't work that way. You can't pick and choose who you want to associate with and who you don't. My family is a package deal. It was all or none. She couldn't understand that concept. She didn't think that was fair.

Fast forward to June of this year. I'm at a movie with my wife, daughter, and my wife's nephew from out of town. I start getting text messages from my mom. She tells me that there is something she wants to tell me regarding my ex sister-in-law and an upcoming court hearing for custody. My brother and her have been fighting for those girls for years. My ex sis is OK. She really isn't that good of a mother, but when I wasn't talking to my mom for those three years, we kept in contact and she let me talk to my nieces on a regular basis.

Side note: My nieces have been through pure shit during this whole time. Their dad is an alcoholic, addict, deadbeat. Their mom lets them go to school in winter wearing shorts and sandals. My mom cares more about their well being than their parents. Their parents are in a pissing contest. Both girls are showing signs of serious mental issues already at 7 and 5. One will be pregnant at 14 and a stripper at 16...the other will end up being institutionalized.


My mom starts saying that she really wants to tell me but she doesn't trust me that I won't go and tell my ex sister-in-law. I ask her what would give her that idea. She says, "Because of what happened". "What happened", meaning me leaving the business back in January of 2006. She wants to tell me a secret, but can't trust me with information because of that day. I explain to her that I am actually in a movie theater, and that I will email her later that night.

I actually am so angry, it takes me two days to email her. I first talk to my therapist to see if it's even a good idea to say what I want to say knowing how she will likely take it. There are some things in the response that I intentionally say just to get a point across. For example, I have never, in my 34 years, purposely cursed at my mother. Here is the email in it's entirety:

"sorry i didnt get back to you yesterday.....was sort of a crazy day. about our conversation on wednesday night....the only thing i can say is whatever....

just in the last week, things have gotten to a point with jessi where she cant handle having the dog and the baby in the same room.....at the moment i have both of them crying and she's in bed.....she's lost it.....

i'm crazy on top of it all.....my life is quickly going to shit.....we cant pay our bills...our van will likely be repossessed in the next couple of weeks....we had to do a payday loan so we could buy groceries for the next week...we have $30 in the bank to last us a week and both cars are on empty and i have a therapy appt next tuesday.....

im not getting a paycheck next friday because my short term extension wont be approved until after payroll is sent out.....and jessi's is gonna be short... maybe 800 total....so we're gonna have to do another payday loan next week to pay rent.....

i have my psychiatrist and my Mayo neurologist arguing over treatment because they disagree over what i actually have....in the meantime my ticks are getting worse......and im not able to hold a job of any kind......

so....when it comes to your "moral dilemmas" or your "trust issues" with me.....i really could care....trust me or dont.....talk to me or dont....i just honestly dont have the energy or the ability to care at the moment.....that is at the bottom of my priority list right now.....ive got more important things to focus on......

go to www.youtube.com/thedailytwitch to see what's going on in my world....

i love you"

The Youtube link used to link up to an old page of mine that no longer exists. I haven't heard from her since. At this point, the ball is in her court. Since the email was sent out, I have been diagnosed with both Tourette's and PTSD. The van was repossessed. We did make the rent payment, somehow, but have struggled to make each subsequent rent payment. I am at a point in my life where I don't know if I'll ever be able to work again.

So, the email still rings true. To quote a line from Jack Nicholson in 'As Good As It Gets': "Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here".

My Original Misdiagnosis

As I had posted earlier, my Tourette's tics had originally started to present themselves back in August of 2006. At the time, I had no idea what was going on. I never would have thought that it was Tourette's Syndrome. I just thought it was a stress related "twitch", and lord knows, I had some stress in my life.

I spoke to my psychiatrist about it, and he prescribed medications that practically made me a zombie.....let me back up a bit.

I've noticed a problem that is prevalent in the modern psychiatric practice these days...laziness. I was mistakenly diagnosed as being rapid cycling bipolar when I was 19. This was primarily because I told the doctor that my mind was racing most days(ADD), and I was depressed on a frequent basis, and that the two bounced back and forth. Looking back, I have never had a manic episode in my life. I have never been bipolar.

I move. I change doctors. My initial consultation with my new doctor is only twenty minutes. I am 24 or 26 now. I tell the doctor that I am still depressed but at 19, I was diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar. Instantly, without talking to me about my symptoms or my history, he assumes my medication isn't working. He prescribes a NEW mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, and anti-depressant. This happens until I am 33.

By the time I am 33, I have been on every major psychiatric drug on the market, 90% of which I probably should not have been on. So, I go into my doctor, tell them I'm twitching, the prescribe me another anti-psychotic, or another mood stabilizer. They treat it as a psychological issue for three years, and don't think to look into it as a neurological issue.

In April of this year, I am out on short term disability for depression and anxiety. I'm locking myself in the bathroom at work 5-6 times a day to have a panic attack, and, needless to say, my twitching is getting worse. I am also having an issue controlling my bowels(only in stressful situations), and this worries my primary physician. She sends me to a neurologist to get the nerves in my spine tested to make sure I do not have a condition called Cauda Equina. While at the neurologist, I ask him about my twitching, explain my history, and see if there is anything he can test for.

He immediately rules out Tourette's. You have to have the tics present in childhood for you to be diagnosed as TS. There is no such thing as "Adult Onset" Tourette's Syndrome. He sends me for a CAT Scan, an MRI, and an EEG. All come back normal. He's stumped. So he refers me to the Mayo Clinic.

I arrive at the Mayo Clinic on Cinco de Mayo. I go through my examination, and that day, I am twitching very badly. The doctor also says that because of the time of onset, I can't, by definition, have Tourette's. She asks me about my medication history. I explain to her the list of medications given to me, than in hindsight, were probably in error. Many of those medications were neuroleptics. Neuroleptics cause a neurological condition called Tardive Dyskinesia. That was my diagnosis.

I was thrilled to finally know what I was dealing with. To have a name to it. To know it was something that could be treated with medication and that it wasn't a tumor or something that was going to kill me. And then the next day I went on Youtube.

I pulled up videos of people with the condition. They looked nothing like me. They weren't dealing with anything like what I had. Tardive Dyskinesia affected the mouth and jaw more, making it look like you were chewing really slowly. Watch:



I felt really bad for these people. They were going through hell, but it was a different hell than the one I was in. I had never seen myself tic, and I was really apprehensive about documenting the tics myself, but I decided to record them. I set my wife's laptop up on the coffee table one afternoon, and, when I felt a tic coming, ran over and pushed record. This was the result:



I decided to get a second opinion. I was recommended a doctor by Barrow Neurological Institute. In the 90s, he used to be the director of their cognitive neurology department. Within 30 seconds of seeing me, he said "You have Tourette's". I said, "But I'm 34". He explained that, as a child I must have had it, but the tics were so minor that they were practically unnoticeable. Neurological disorders run in my family. My uncle has Parkinson's. My brother was also diagnosed with Tardive Dyskinesia, but with the information I have now, I'm sure it's also Tourette's Syndrome. Unfortunately, because of family issues, they don't know about my diagnosis. But that is reserved for another post.

As I have posted before, the medication has made some things better, some things worse. It is nice to have a name to what is bothering you; to know who it is that you are cursing. It makes it easier to control it, to live with it, and to get the support that you need. My long term disability paperwork is in final review. It should take 2-3 weeks to get an answer. I miss working. I miss being able to communicate face to face with the outside world. I miss being "normal" in a sense. Hell, I'm still getting used to the noises and the movements I make in public myself. But, as they say, all things get better with time.

Hitler Finds Out "Balloon Boy" Was A Hoax

Usually, when it comes to anything, I wouldn't side with a genocidal psychopath, and someone who has a permanent spot in the top 3 as "Worst Human Ever". In this instance, though, I must say that Hitler brings up some very strong points, better than I've heard from Nancy Grace at least. Very funny:



This is the first 'Flight of the Navigator' reference I've heard in 15 years! I used to love that movie! Seriously....FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR?!?! Is that even on Blu-ray?(According to Amazon.com...no) This is easily the best parody video I have seen in years. Wonderful job with the subtitles. I accidentally came across it this morning and liked it so much, immediately viewed it two more times. Just thought I would share.