Oral Roberts Dies At Age 91

So maybe there is a God, but he's just a little behind. Oral Roberts died last night at age 91. He's survived by his brother Anal, and his sister Vaginal (I've been waiting 20 years to tell that joke). Seriously though, why do the biggest scumbags live the longest? This was the guy in 1987 that went on TV and told the world that God came to him and said that if he didn't have $8 million in donations, he would be called home. He received $9.1 million. Most of the money he received was from elderly men and women on fixed incomes that didn't have anything to give. Next to Madoff, this man is easily the biggest con artist of our generation.

He is also one of the biggest bigots. Him, along with Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, seem to blame all of the worlds problems on the gays. Between the three of them, gays have been blamed for 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, and the 1989 earthquake in San Francisco. You know how they say, "It happens in threes"? Well, speaking on behalf of the gay and lesbian community, can we request the other two please? Dying peacefully at 91 was too good of a way to go for such a hateful man. If there was truly a God in this world, he would have died long ago, long before he was able to hurt the people he has. Long before he was able to pilfer Social Security checks out of the hands of little old ladies. He would have been eaten alive by dogs, torn apart with only scraps for the little birds to fight over. THAT is how I know God does not exist.

Burn in Hell, you son of a bitch.