"This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things"

I'm still trying to get accustomed to the fact that I am a father of a toddler. I have been the proud father of a beautiful baby girl for almost two years. Now, within the last couple of months, she has made the transition to toddler, and at times, I tend to forget until it's too late.

Case in point: I was rinsing some dishes and the wife had left the baby in the living room to use the restroom. The living room was dead silent. I could see the dog in the front room. DOG + BABY(IN SAME ROOM) = TROUBLE. DOG + BABY(IN SEPARATE ROOMS) = DESTRUCTION.

I ran into the living room. My daughter was elbow deep into the exhaust port of my subwoofer. I pulled her arm out, and in her right hand was a white Mega Block. Sure enough, I tilted the subwoofer forward, and there are at least two or three in there already. Would you believe I have only had the speaker for about six weeks. We bought it as a Christmas present for ourselves.

Life with a toddler is different. It's like having a house guest that knows how to turn everything on, and isn't smart enough to realize that your IPod doesn't go into the dog's water bowl. My daughter and I have a battle every morning. She wants to watch Mickey Mouse and gets pissed off because it's not on. But, every time I turn the TV on with the remote, she runs and turns it off manually.

So far, we've been lucky. I swear she's hidden our camera, but I can't prove it. Other than that, we haven't had any real issues. She turns everything on, and occasionally turns the XBox off in the middle of a game. If that is the most damage we suffer, we've come out of it unscathed. If I can just end her fascination with gravity so she will stop dumping out the dog bowls now.....