My lifestyle has changed drastically since I started short term disability in February. My first few weeks, all I did was watch TV and play video games. I had no interests. I had no hobbies. I had no concern for anyone or anything outside of the four walls of my own home. Very quickly, television became boring, and so did checking TMZ.com every 15 minutes. I was starting to realize there was more to life, and I was missing out.
I was restless. Everything and nothing sounded interesting at the same time. One thing was too expensive to try, the other was too boring. One was too time intensive, the other not consuming enough. I was bored, but not enough to be motivated to get off my ass and really try something new.
This whole experience has made me a better father. I have been able to spend so much time with my little girl that I would have never been able to spend otherwise. I am getting to watch my little girl grow up. I wouldn't be able to do that on a 40 hour a week schedule with her in daycare.
With my wife being the knitting and crocheting goddess that she is, I thought it would be a fun idea to learn how to spin my own wool and yarn. I even scheduled myself in to take a class at a local yarn store. By the time the classes came around, I was so on edge with my PTSD, that I had my wife take the class in my place. She was a natural at it(of course).
I started to think of the two things I know most about in life, food and music, and how I could work with them as mediums. I took two years of culinary school back in high school but dropped out due to a lack of hand/eye coordination at the time. I learned a lot in those two years though, especially how different flavors, and scents, go together. I decided to do a little bit of research about how to make soap. Within a week of my first attempt, I made six different food inspired scents. I realized, for the first time in a long time, I was doing something that I enjoyed that didn't involve a computer or TV.
I tried to find things to make out of my old, useless vinyl collection. I made decorative bowls out of the recycled records. I'm starting to make jewelry with them now and learning how to build clocks to put into them. This is fun to me now. I hardly have my TV on anymore.
We used to have a DVR that was so full that we were constantly erasing shows to make room for new ones. The only two shows I watch now are 'Glee' and 'Flash Forward', and I haven't seen 'Flash Forward' in three weeks. I can't watch TV anymore. I cry too much now. This is the first season of 'Grey's Anatomy' that I'm missing. I used to cry for about 15 minutes or so after each sad episode. Now, it would take me three days to recover.
As I said before, I discovered Twitter back in June, and blogging last month. This is either my 59th or 60th blog in 5 weeks. I'm addicted to it. Sure, some of my blogs are a little childish, but hey, it's how I calm down. I love blogging. So much in fact, that I am considering writing a book based upon all the crap that I've dealt with in my life. I haven't even hit 1% of what I've experienced.
I'm discovering myself. For the first time in my life, I have hobbies. I have interests. I care about other people now. I read the news, and see a story about a lesbian girl in Mississippi that isn't allowed to have her yearbook picture printed, and I want to share it with people. I want other people to know about it. When I start feeling better, I want to start volunteering. I've never felt this way before. I've only cared about myself. I have been so selfish in my life and now my outlook on the world is so different. Maybe all this shit that has ruined other parts of my life has completely enriched other parts of my life. It's so hard to explain, but I am so thankful for that aspect of my life right now. I feel so much richer for it.
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