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Sunday, October 24, 2010

I Came Out To My Mother Yesterday

Yesterday, my mother sent me an email, asking me if I could send her my address so she could send my daughter something.  For some reason, she doesn't understand that if ties are severed between her and I, they're severed for my family as well.  She seems to think that she'll be able to have a perfectly normal relationship with her granddaughter even if she's no longer talking to her son.  I don't understand how her mind works.

In the response to her email, I told her that, considering the bang up job she did parenting me, I wanted her nowhere near my daughter.  I also decided to get a number of things off of my chest.  I told her for the first time about my PTSD, and that it was caused by years of child abuse that I had endured.  Finally, I told her about my bisexuality.
Lastly, I'm bisexual.  I've known this since I was about 11 years old.  Growing up was pure hell in that house.  I had absolutely no one I could talk to.  I had no friends.  I couldn't even talk to my own mother.  Everyday I was getting my ass kicked, being called a fatass and a faggot.  I contemplated suicide on a daily basis for most of my teenage years.  And I knew that if I opened up about what I was going through, I would be bullied by my family too.  Growing up, I wanted to come to you and tell you about the crushes I had on just as many boys as I did girls.  It wasn't just Anne and Ambre.  You have no idea how alone I was, but I knew what the consequences were if I told you.

I'm not expecting a response.  I don't want to ever speak to her again.