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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Greatest Internet Troll Of All Time

According to Wikipedia, an internet troll is defined as the following:
"In internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion."
 I am pleased to introduce Muriel J. Compton.  Either "Muriel" is the greatest internet troll to have ever lived, or a woman in need of serious help.  If this is an act, she is on an Andy Kaufman level of comedic genius.

Muriel has been making the rounds at the Babycenter.com forums for years now.  It has just been in the last couple of weeks that she has become well known outside the Baby Center circle.  I happened across one of her posts that have recently gone viral.  Last year, in the Baby Center forums, she posed the following question:


"Dinosaurs are one of Satan's many ways of tricking man", much like gravity, magnets, and the fact that the Earth goes around the Sun.  At first glance, I thought, "This has to be a joke".  Then, I discovered more posts from Muriel covering the last two to three years.  Check out this one, posted in October of 2008:
"As a Christian, should I allow my children to dress for Halloween?  Every year when my children see the costumes at the stores for Halloween, they ask me why they are not allowed to dress in them. I always tell them because Halloween is the Devil's holiday, and just because they see people in the world doing things, doesn't mean they should do them. Halloween, to me, is a holiday that glorifies Satan. I see masks with the Devil's horns, ghosts (souls never become ghosts, they always go to Heaven or Hell), demons, witches, pagan fairies, and other scary creatures that are not pleasing to God. I get many negative comments from other parents saying I am mean and my kids must never have any fun, which is not true. They have many fun activities with the church that we do. But recently I was talking to my neighbor, who is also a Christian, although she does allow her children to wear costumes. She just won't let them be anything that is evil. They are allowed to dress as cats, dogs, and other creatures of God's. I see this as being OK, but there is always the issue of the meaning behind Halloween and the Satanic pagan rituals that are a part of it, and I certainly wouldn't want to confuse my children by telling them that one aspect of it is OK, but one aspect is not. Can you think of reasons which glorify God to wear a costume, so that we can honor the Lord if I do allow them to dress for this holiday? One idea I had is to dress them in clothing like children growing up when Jesus did would have worn. I have prayed for guidance but the Lord seems to be telling me to decide for myself what is right."
Mom, is that you?

After receiving numerous inflammatory comments on the above post, Muriel, in true troll fashion, started a completely new thread to say that she wasn't a troll...or a liar.  Why she couldn't simply post an additional comment on the existing thread is beyond me.
"I am not a troll or a liar.  A member questioned the fact that I am a new grandmother and homeschool my children. Both are true. I have five children that range in age from 4 to 24."  
If that isn't the definition of troll, I don't know what is.

I for one, don't know whether to be the president of Muriel's fan club, or call Child Protective Services on her.  I would like to think that Muriel is a thirty something guy in New York City that is taking his frustrations out on the Christian Right by inventing this character with such antiquated beliefs.  However, growing up as I did, raised by a mother very similar to Muriel, I have a sinking feeling that this is all too real.

I was never allowed dinosaur toys as a child.  My mom did believe that dinosaurs once existed, but were washed away by the flood of Noah.  I couldn't Trick or Treat, as Halloween was a "holiday for Satan".  I wasn't allowed to watch The Smurfs or He-Man.  I couldn't even watch Star Wars as a kid, since my mom believed that "the force" was a religion.

If these posts are legitimate, I truly feel sorry for those children.  The future can not look good for the Compton household.  It will likely involve a healthy dose of bitterness and jaded feelings toward the family matriarch.  I can say this from experience.

If you're looking for a good laugh, Muriel has recently restarted her account with babycenter.com, and has been vehemently defending herself, as of late.  Good stuff.  

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