Today In "Ew, Get The Fuck Off Of Me!" (NSFW)

The video below is a demonstration of a real product currently on the market.  It's called the "My Little Secret Talking Head MP3 Vibrator".  Believe it or not, you can buy one on Amazon.

The product description is as follows.  I am pasting it as-is, punctuation errors and all:

"The talking head mp3 vibrator is a rabbit vibe with state of the art cd-quality speakers that talks dirty to you. you can enjoy your most intimate fantasies with sexy strangers or have your lover instantly record your favorite audio fantasy to suit any erotic occasion. you can download dozens of fantasy lovers or record your own fantasy with cd-quality sampling technology. the talking head is very enjoyable with the headphones or with the sound off. it delivers a range of vibrator speeds and modes, including separate controls for the rabbit. the base has rotating pearls that add intensity to your sensual experience"

While the product may sound intriguing in theory, your curiosity, as well as your libido will take a dive, once the device is turned on:



No.  No.  No.  Just....NO!

That may be the first time I have ever been skeeved out by a sex toy.  Who could have possibly thought that was "sexy"?!  Even gay men would be screaming, "Get the fuck away from me!", after turning that thing on.  It's has that universal "dry heave" factor.

And what's with the name?  "My Little Secret"?  What is your secret?  That you're doing you're dad's drunk boss?  What, was "Date Rape in a Can" already trademarked?

I love how the vibrator came first.  Quality product.